"So, you basically just want everything to run smoothly while you go about making inventions, and something about that is not working for you. But also you're just about to leave and go deal with the resonance anomaly and the war. So... imagine two possible futures. In one of them, you conclude that I've done an excellent job as Supreme Sultana. In the other, you think it's gone terribly. How will you tell the difference between those two futures? What is the concrete, measurable thing or things you'll be looking at?"

Opalyn gets that there's supposed to be a whole ecosystem that works harmoniously together, but how does it cash out in ways he actually cares about?

Ohhhhh he's one of those kind of CEOs. He just wants everything to magically work without having to explain clearly or even think clearly, for that matter. Okay. That narrows the search space.

Still, he can tell that something specific isn't right, or he wouldn't be grumpy.

"Let me try one more thing. Which one of these sounds the closest?

1. You rarely get interrupted, somebody else handles most problems without needing to escalate to you.
2. Someone anticipates what you're going to ask for and has it ready to go when you need it.
3. You have a translator to explain what you mean to other people so that they actually get it.
4. You somehow end up feeling more glorious and preeminent than you even expected.
5. Other."

He's going to say all of the above, isn't he. Of course he is.

"I am tempted to say most problems not escalating to me, but I have been recently traumatized and it is hard to trust that you would achieve this end without murdering potential escalators like my last secretary.  Anticipating what I need in advance of my needing it sounds impossible.  I did not even try to work that into my summoning machine because I would not expect any secretary like that to exist in the entire multiverse."

"Okay! That helps! You don't mind me talking to you and asking you things, and it's okay if I don't read your mind. However, there's a big impedance mismatch between you and the rest of the world and you need help with that, and the outcome of the whole thing should be glory."

Opalyn would feel pretty good about this as a set of desiderata -- except for the part where she also really struggles to understand what Doctor Disaster wants!

Maybe it'll be moot. Maybe he'll go deal with his other problems and she can just run the castle and the city however she wants. Or maybe she can just coast a bit while she figures out what she really wants to do with her second chance at life. Because it's not obvious that being a secretary -- even one who's called a Supreme Sultana -- is what Opalyn wants to do.

Also, wait -- his last secretary:

• started a war,
• drugged people into appearing happy,
• murdered people who tried to escalate problems to him,
• and was possibly implicated in the dead cobra incident?

"An impedance mismatch?  Are you saying that my problems result from a simple defect of my electrical conductivity?  That thought had never occurred to me!  It seems straightforward enough to fix... perhaps by infusing myself with high-biocompatibility hyperconductors..."

Doctor Disaster looks quite taken by this helpful suggestion, and is already turning towards a dark-chrome whiteboard with equations drawn on it in glittering metallic colors.

That was not what Opalyn meant! But if he thinks it's plausible, maybe that's because physics is different here. She doesn't want to gainsay someone in his own area of expertise when she has no context and no understanding of how things work here.

And anyway, it's all beside the point. She doesn't know the first thing about how to survive here and she can't let him get distracted before he finishes talking to her. She's met these mad genius types before and once he gets hyperfocused on the next thing, it'll be too late. Opalyn will wither away into a skeleton before he remembers to feed her.

"Er, um, that's not totally what I intended, but more importantly, don't get distracted from this conversation, please! I still need more information to go on! Like, where do I go when I leave this room, where do I sleep, how do I find food, and is there anyone else at all who knows anything and who can help me with the hundred questions I have after those four?"

"I expect my surviving minions will be able to provide you with much of that.  I am not quite sure who is in charge of what, at the moment, besides of course my Supreme Sultana.  Your predecessor carried out a number of successive reorganizations.  I would offer you her former accommodations, but... I am not sure that all of the mess has been cleaned up.  Um.  You could have the suite for visiting Sparks in the meanwhile?  Yes.  Yes!  That should be suitably luxurious for my Supreme Sultana!  I... believe all the weird modifications from last time have been undone."

"Your... surviving minions?"

"Can you say more about how they died, or, like, best practices for not dying around here? I just almost died and I'd like to make it at least a week before I go through that again."

"Hm.  Best practices for not dying?  I have never heard of such a thing, and yet, now that you have suggested it, I can see its potential usefulness!  Hm.  Hmmm.  Item one:  Start working on immortality well in advance of needing it.  Don't wait until you're already getting old and senile to begin building immortality-related machines.  Item two:  Don't stick your head into any glowing energy fields especially if they are larger than your head.  Item three--"

Opalyn is mostly going to have to piece things together for herself. Or else start a comedy routine in which she's the straight man and he says all the punchlines.

"All right! Thank you for starting to work on immortality! That will probably serve us well eventually! But meanwhile, could you show me those quarters, or tell me how to get there?"

"Of course!  No, wait!  I almost forgot!  I must give you the means to command my machines -- and show others that you speak with my own voice."  He whirls over to one of his possibly-workbenches, and starts picking out assorted steampunk gidgets and geegaws, including in one case by smashing the clock on the workbench and picking several bent springs out of its wreckage.  "Begin speaking, Supreme Sultana.  Anything will do."

He must have a lot of confidence in his interdimensional summoning ritual if he's giving her full authority on a few minutes' notice! Or maybe he just has a lot of confidence in everything he does!

She has a premonition about what he's going to do.

"The Supreme Sultana is the bomb diggity and you must do as she says."

In a quite unreasonably short period of time, the man presents Opalyn with a steampunk torc to wear, hinged in multiple places so that it can click around her neck -- not all the way around, it'll stay open at the back.  The centerpiece is a huge red jewel-or-something that will fit over her throat.

Oh no. This mostly makes Opalyn think of the talking dogs from Up. She will try to be more dignified than they are.

The torc is pretty enough and she likes the look of it. She'll put it on.

"Excellent.  Now, whenever you tense your neck, for example when you are upset, you shall speak in a voice of command."

Opalyn takes half a second to remember that she almost died and that she's now beholden to a madman, which does serve to get her a little riled, and then wrenches her neck into a weird position.

She clears her throat, and says:

"You forgot to synchronize the beam modulator with the ship's warp core!"

It comes out in exactly Doctor Disaster's voice.

"Synchronize the what with the what now?"

Oh, this is fun. She's been kind of wanting to do an evil villain laugh ever since she got here and figured out what kind of place this was, but it's going to be so much more satisfying with the voice changer.

"Don't worry about it. Beam modulators are not for you. Bwahaha. Bwahaha. Bwahahahahaha!"

The man might possibly worry that he's created a monster, if that were something that Sparks ever worried about, ever.

"Good.  I see the authority torc is operating as expected under normal usage.  Now, let me show you to the nearest minion so that you can order them to see you settled."

In a castle like this one, you never have to look far to find a minion!

"What now--oh.  Is this the new secretary."