"You're usually better at masking, you know."

"Bullied, beleaguered, besieged."

"Right, but my contract forbids me saying the power of love unironically on penalty of union fines, so I make do. I'm already gonna get hell from my agent for the power of friendship back there."

"Oh, so you're saying things for the sake of the audience too, now, I see. Hi again, audience, I hope you're enjoying this as much as I'm hating it."

"I've been playing up my usual lol, quirky side character bit for over an hour at this point as a coping mechanism, it's not my fault you're unobservant when your entire worldview is being shredded."

"Well anyway I uh." He doesn't know what he uh. He just kind of uh.

"Want to finish your conversation with the notebook about your desires to fix the world with the power of love?" Felicia suggests, gently.

"...I guess."

sorry about that, I

how does he even explain the freakout he just had

finding out that the Spirit's favorite power is the one that tempts me the most while making me the most conflicted was a bit emotionally impactful

That makes sense! Are you all right? How can I help?

You don't need to take the power if you don't want to. It's up to you how you want to shape your story! If it's tempting and scary then maybe your best life involves not doing it and that's okay!

no that's not it

Vivian said something about how these powers seemed almost designed to tempt me specifically

not all of them but she said that about I Can Fix Them

and if i'm honest the thing i felt about it was that it was a terrible idea that i shouldn't do which would've made my own love life a lot easier and more successful, i am already the type of person who tries to "Fix Them" even without this power and so. yeah.

i really want to

Well, if you're already the sort of person who does that, taking the power will make it easier and safer. But if you don't want to be the sort of person who does that, taking the power definitely won't help you stop.

What if you thought about the ways that you like that sort of the thing and the ways that it's troubled you in the past, and asked for a version of the power designed to make sure you don't have the same kinds of problems again?

Though probably you should first think about whether or not you really want this kind of thing to be part of your life.

He stares at the notebook in distaste. "Et tu, Brute?"

"Lol," Vivian intones.

i want it, i wouldn't be in such conflict if i didn't want it

i'm just really embarrassed about wanting it, and i have a ton of cached thoughts about how that's bad

i am also a sucker for stories where love conquers all and conquers especially people's vices and dark sides, but in addition to that i'm a bleeding heart and i want to help people and sometimes i look at someone and i go "i bet if someone loved you enough and supported you enough you could do better. i'm someone."

and i'm not sure there's anything wrong with that if i have superpowers on my side that help alleviate the consent problems and ethical problems and all of that, like

that's what i want, i want to this is so embarrassing to say write

i want to love people and for them to be better because of it, and i want to know what to do to make that happen, and i want it to not drag the both of us down a black hole which i can only escape if i fully cut contact with them forever, and i want them to not stake their lives on their continued relationship with me because it's awful if someone only wants to be alive because of someone else, and i guess if i project that a bit further it's probably also awful if someone is only not evil while with someone else and not on their own

awful for both people, it feels horrible to have someone lean on me for their will to live like that, it feels crushing and smothering and painful and claustrophobic and

it's not good for them either because then they haven't really gotten any stronger or better, not really, they just found a crutch in someone else

that's not a very structured explanation of everything i guess, i don't have a perfect 1 2 3 recipe, i could try to come up with one but it's hard enough to open my heart like this, especially when i kind of expect that there's probably an audience reading this as i write it and it feels even more embarrassing than just confessing to you, who's been nothing short of lovely and nice and good and kind and supportive, but those are some of the thoughts and experiences i've had

I find myself wanting to hug you again. Not being able to hug people is definitely the most troubling limitation of being a notebook.

I think the kinds of things you want from helping people with your love are very much like the kinds of things the Spirit wants! Of course I don't know exactly what the Spirit wants because it has a hard time communicating, but my understanding is that it wants people to be made stronger and happier by their relationships in ways that can last even outside them... though it also likes when relationships can last forever. But the kind of forever that's because it's nice to go on, not the kind that's because it's scary to stop. Relationships shouldn't be scary! That's my own opinion but as far as I can tell the Spirit agrees. Romance should be about people supporting and caring for each other and helping each other grow, and not about being scared that the person you love needs you more than you're okay with being needed.

yeah

so uh i guess the bottom line is i want that power and i want a version of it that's appropriate to my ethical sensitivities but if i get one i want it

i also probably want incomplete to not apply to this one? it'd really, really, really suck if i were trying to use it on someone that this should work on and then it turns out that they're randomly immune to it because of that drawback

i also also have some thoughts about how there probably exist villains who are doing sufficiently sketchy things that i'd probably be okay mind-controlling them but i think on inspection i would not in fact want to date someone that bad most of the time, especially if they're the kind of bad that can't work with a version of this power that doesn't have the mind control component so never mind i guess

Incomplete only stops mind-affecting aspects of powers from working on people, so you should be fine there. Unless you want the mind-affecting version of I Can Fix Them, but it sounds like you don't? Though I'm a little confused about what your expectations are about that.

I think we can definitely find you a version of this power that works the way you want, but it might take some time to figure out exactly what that looks like and then see how to make it work.

I think on the whole i don't want a version that affects others' mind yeah

and no rush! we can workshop it and you can take as long as you want

I think I'm still confused about what you were saying about why you don't want the mind-affecting version. Is it okay if I ask some questions about that? I really don't want to push you to make decisions you're not comfortable with! But it seems like you're imagining different things from the things that I'm imagining, and I want to be sure I understand what you want and how you're thinking about things.

yeah absolutely, i'm a very

How does he even put this...

"detail-oriented person" is not the right term for it

i like going down rabbit holes of edge cases and weird boundary stuff, and if i'm going to have these powers forever then i definitely want to understand them very well

Oh, okay! ♡

So it seems like when you imagine someone who needs the mind-affecting version of I Can Fix Them, you're imagining someone who is just a very bad person and very determined to be a bad person and doesn't want to stop and so needs their mind changed for them or they won't, is that right?

that's the central case, in a way, yeah

there are others i can think of if i try but it seems like you've already thought of some? so it might be useful to talk about those before i try to push my own intuitions in weird directions

When I think about someone who needs the mind-affecting version of I Can Fix Them, I think about things like:

• someone who is so scared of who they are and what they've done and what that might mean for them that they won't believe you really love them and really want to help unless something makes them accept it


• someone who doesn't understand what it means to be loved and thinks anyone trying to be kind to them must really be planning to hurt them, and will just keep interpreting affection as scheming without outside help


• someone who was hurt a long time ago and built a lot of who they are around that hurt, and doesn't want to change because they're attached to being this way, but if you could really show them that it's possible to have something better than what they have, they would want that


• someone who grew up in a place where people are supposed to hurt each other, and learned bad habits and learned to be attached to their bad habits, but they would be happier if they could have love and trust and companionship, they just can't accept that because they think love and trust and companionship are for people who are wrong

...wow those are some edge cases huh

give me a bit, i need to think

Okay, take your time! ♡