Edmund wakes up first. James wakes up to the sound of Edmund making noises of existential angst.

James's eyes open immediately and he looks over his shoulder. "You alright?"

"I sucked your dick in the kitchen in front of my entire family," Edmund says by way of response. "Also you no longer took my virginity, sorry."

James cackles. "Who did? —and how did Tintin respond to me flirting with him?"

"Boy in Year Seven named Nigel, we were doing sex ed. Um, Tintin grinned at you and said he'd try to fit you in sometime, pun intended, but he'd prefer to get to know you a bit first."

"—wait, does sex ed involve actually having sex now?"

"Yes, generally one pair per combination of genitalia gets walked through it before the class. I volunteered for the demonstration. I must imagine you did too, when you had sex ed, but I wasn't there."

"Oh man why don't I get the memories! That's so unfair!"

"It is, rather. I wish there was something we could change in the handbook to change that, but if there's anything it isn't straightforward."

"...maybe if I try, uh. I don't know. Gifting you the book? Not considering it mine anymore? Like just let it be in your bag or something?"

"...I can try it, I think I'd mind missing the memories less. Maybe if I write my name on it, too?"

He sits up to reach for the book and gives it to Edmund again.

"So what are the, uh, society changes?"

"...um... this is less of a societal change, but. People cum a lot more. Volumetrically. And more often. And... the term blue balls existed in the original timeline, but was less, uh, literal, it hurts if you have to cum and you don't, and if it goes on long enough you start. Leaking."

"Wait, really? We changed how human bodies work? —I guess that shouldn't be that surprising. How about, like, vasectomies, how do those work now?"

"Same way, I think? I never looked into it in either timeline, really, but I know both have it."

"I read some stuff about it. For, uh, I don't know if I'll ever want kids reasons. ...how socially acceptable is it for me to walk around filled with and leaking your cum."

"Um. Not, um - it'd be a bit messy - I. It would not present a problem, no. Let me. Let me finish explaining and then try writing my name in the book and then, um, we can maybe try that?"

"Sure."

"Societal changes. It's - there's some new Bible verses again, these ones date back to the Old Testament, about how it is no shame to be known in the street, and - that plus the biological necessity thing. Besides public sex being okay it's a lot more of an acceptable topic in general. Um, homophobia is less severe but a little bit weirder, it's more - you fuck men if you have to but it's kind of pathetic to want them? We should maybe figure out a way to nix homophobia next timeline. I think - I'm less fucked up about the Peter thing in this set of memories? But not not fucked up." He exhales. "I think that's all?"

"—oh I want you to fuck me in front of him. Let's, let's watch a movie together while I bounce on your cock. Raw."

Whimper.

"I. Yeah. Let's. But, um, first -"

Edmund writes his name on the front cover of the handbook.

"Well... that didn't do anything by itself," he says slowly.

"...try writing something? Wilson Woodrow again?"

Sure let's butcher the name of a president then shut the book and—

—he immediately drops the book and the pen and falls face-first onto the bed.

"Shit!" he hears as he falls unconscious.