"Did Tomonori finally put out?"

"Nah, I slept with Jing Yi from Chang'an. And it was phenomenal. He sucked my brains out through my dick. It was way better than I imagined and as you all know I have an extremely vivid imagination."

Jiang Cheng is turning purple.

"You all need to get laid immediately. This is my recommendation to you, as the most experienced person at this table."

"What did you do?"

"Well, the first session was pretty vanilla, but by the second I negotiated with him and it turned out we had some common interests-- did you know biting is great? Pained noises are so much better when you're making someone make them yourself. Also bruises. The bruises are so much prettier when you're responsible for them."

HELLO???? THIS IS NOT NIE HUAISANG'S VIRGINITY LOSS. NIE HUAISANG'S VIRGINITY LOSS WAS THREE DAYS AGO WHEN HE TOUCHED JIANG CHENG'S DICK WHILE DRUNK. THERE WAS A HAND, AND A DICK, AND THEREFORE IT WAS SEX. THIS WAS A SPECIAL MOMENT THEY SHARED TOGETHER FOR NEARLY TWENTY SECONDS BEFORE IT WAS CRUELLY INTERRUPTED BY JIANG CHENG'S ASSHOLE MARTIAL BROTHER. WAS THIS NOT THE PEAK EROTIC EXPERIENCE OF NIE HUAISANG'S LIFE SO FAR????

Well, probably not, because Jiang Cheng is five foot nothing and has a face like pizza. Unlike Jing Yi, who is PRETTY and apparently BRUISED. Jiang Cheng wants to be bruised. By... someone. He's not going to be specific. 

It's not that he's, like, invested in having taken Nie Huaisang's virginity. It's just that, you know, manual sex is technically sex, therefore Nie Huaisang was not a virgin, therefore he can't go around claiming to have lost his virginity this afternoon. It's about accuracy. 

"...and he gave me a footrub. He has amazing hands, you know..."

JIANG CHENG CAN HAVE AMAZING HANDS.

"...it's just really different from a dildo, right? Because with a dildo you're always in control..."

There has been ENOUGH OF THIS. 

Jiang Cheng stands up and MARCHES over to Chang'an enclave's table.

Why is there someone from Shanghai stomping over to this table, and why does he have the sinking feeling that it's because of him. "Do you need anything?"

"You slept with Nie Huaisang!"

"Do we need to have this conversation right here?"

"Yes! Maybe! I don't know!"

"That sounds like a 'no, not actually.'"

Chu Chu was very focused on safely acquiring food, that she only half caught the shouting.

And now Jiang Cheng from Intro To Shop is yelling at Jing Yi for... reasons?

She's just going to focus on her bread rolls. They are much more easy to understand and way less awkward.

"You slept with him and you didn't even give him anything for it!"

"...he didn't ask for anything? I did offer, of course, I'm not a cad." (Offer to ravish him, which he totally did, thankyouverymuch.)

"Well, he's an idiot!"

"That's not my problem."

It's not smart to get stuck outside of your room during curfew, but it seems like... sharing your bed would be the nice thing to do in the circumstances? Regardless of any trades that get made?

"It could be your problem if I make it your problem!"

"Are you threatening me?" He aims his tone for 'deeply boggled.' Why would this random freshman ever want to threaten him? (His actual opinion is more along the lines of "could Shanghai have one problem with me per month. Please.")

"Maybe!!!"