Masozi does not know how any of this is supposed to work! Which is why he's asking for Wei Wuxian's advice even though this conversation is apparently terrible for some reason! 

"So, if you're dating a girl, you can only date one at once, right? It's, like, evolution, you don't want to invest in the girl's babies if they might not be related to you at all. But if it's guys it doesn't matter. Having lots of boyfriends is just good for you because there are more people who can help you and your kids."

"- Is that true? I...was confused about why it would be a thing at all to - like boys that way. In the way where you want to fuck them and not just hold hands, I mean. ...Which I guess I - don't think I actually want to do? That sounds really weird. So maybe it's not a real crush and it's just - two-thirds of a crush or something?" This is all extremely confusing and Masozi is not sure that the evolution explanation is actually making it all that much less confusing. 

"I mean, there's no reason not to want to fuck boys, right? It's not like it stops you from also fucking girls."

Masozi feels like this is questionable logic. There are a LOT of things you could do that don't stop you from also fucking girls and that there's no reason not to want to do, that isn't the same thing as there being a reason to want to do it. 

"...Anyway should I - tell him? I'm - kind of scared to. I mean, not...the kind of scared where I think he might get mad and hit me about it. Some other kind of scared." This is ALSO very confusing. 

"Scared he won't like you back?"

"I...think it'd be okay if he didn't like me back? And I'd rather know. Because then I can - decide to just have friend feelings and not have crush feelings. But I - guess I'm scared he'll - feel weird about it and then not want to help me study Mandarin anymore." 

"That doesn't sound very strategic."

"I...guess not. You think I should say something to him?" 

"Yeah, why not? Best-case scenario you get to play with his hair, which you'll like, and you'll be in a close relationship with the head of Shanghai enclave, which is great for you. And in the worst-case scenario he'll probably be all 'I am smiling pleasantly at you and explaining in a calm and very nice and empathetic way why that can't happen.' He's not really a person with many strong feelings, Lan Xichen."

"That's true. And - do you think that he'd - want to know, and want me to feel like I could tell him and not have it make my life worse? I...think that's how I'd feel if I were him? But I don't know." 

"I feel like he'd want you to tell him? He wants to know the feelings of everyone in the enclave so they don't accidentally blow up and cause huge problems."

"I don't think my feelings are going to blow up and cause huge problems! That really wouldn't be strategic!" 

"Well, he still probably wants to know so he can take it into account and not do things that would make you sad."

"Yeah. I guess." For some reason thinking about this is making his pulse beat fast in his throat, even though Masozi is pretty sure he's not even slightly in danger of being fed to mals or something for saying slightly the wrong thing to Lan Xichen. "....How do I tell him I have a crush on him?" 

"You ask to speak to him privately and then you say 'I have a crush on you but I don't want to kiss you I just want to hold your hand and pet your hair.'"

Nod. 

"...I dunno if telling him actually gives him more information about my feelings? I already pet his hair sometimes so presumably he knows I want to do that?" Masozi pauses, frowning. "- Actually we had a weird conversation where he kept telling me I didn't have to do it unless I wanted to? I have no idea why else he thinks I would do that!" 

"--ohhhhhh he has a crush on you."

"- What." Masozi did not even slightly follow the reasoning there! 

"Well, he wants you to pet his hair, and he's scared that you know that and are only petting his hair because he could easily kill you if he got mad at you and no one could stop him. --I mean we'd all be really angry about it and Jiang Cheng would probably try to kill him but you might not know that."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah that sounds like a whole lot of steps of inference about bizarre complicated politics in hypothetical scenarios and Masozi has no idea how to respond to it! 

".....I don't think you should kill Lan Xichen even if he gets mad and kills me! That would just mean more people at Shanghai would die!" 

"Right, but he's not going to do that. Not even because we would be pissed off although we would because, like, what the fuck Xichen."

....Okay he needs to try to CALM DOWN because the horrifying scenario Wei Wuxian brought up is a hypothetical that isn't even going to happen. (Why do people have to bring up horrifying things that aren't going to happen??? It's so distracting!) 

"I.... Okay. So - you think this is evidence he likes me? I - guess that's good? If it means he's - more likely to be happy and not unhappy if I tell him I have a crush?" 

"--oh man I am really sorry about all the complicated counterfactual reasoning about social situations you have here."

This actually improves Masozi's mood, although mostly for the unrelated reason that it distracts him with vocabulary. "What's a 'counterfactual'?"