"When I am drunk, so... two time month? But I am not allowed to get drunk at Scholomance."

"...Huh. Okay I'm going to just say two times a month for students who like kissing, and - probably everyone likes kissing before they graduate but not everyone likes kissing when they're going to be a freshman. I'm...going to say that a quarter of people like kissing in the younger years, and half of people like kissing in junior year and all people like kissing in senior year. ...Probably some people who like kissing still don't do it twice a month because nobody wants to kiss them, or because they're too busy? So my number will be too big. I can say once a month instead and then round it to ten times a year, and - that's five hundred student-years for freshman and sophomore year, and five hundred for junior and a thousand for senior year. So two thousand student-years in total for each new class. Times two hundred. Four hundred thousand. And then times ten for kissing ten times a year. Four million kisses! That's so many kisses! ....Why is the room turning in circles." 

"Because you're drunk."

Masozi is nice to hug...

"You didn't warn me about that! S'too hard to do math now..."

Maybe he can instead snuggle up with Wen Ning so that they're both leaning against Jiang Cheng - except there are legs in the way - oh well he'll just put his legs on top of Wei Wuxian's legs. Like a leg pillow. This makes him giggle again.

- it reminds him of the one year that he got to hear the Lake of Stars music festival from a distance, when he was very small and snuggled up close with his sister on the lake shore. It's nice. Although he wishes there were...actual visible stars. 

He starts singing Kwathu ku Mulangeni. It's a song about...home. Well. Literally it's a song about a place called Mulangeni, but it's about it being someone's home, and oddly it was always easier to picture that vague song-place and imagine it being home, then to feel like any of the places he's actually lived were home. 

Maybe Shanghai will be home, someday. 

"Hizooooo mwandikumbutsa kale langaaaaaa!" he sings, that reminded me of my past, and he remembers the lake and the stars, and he's happy and sad and warm and lonely all at the same time. 

Wei Wuxian sits up! It is singing time! He is going to sing now!

Because his taste in music is much worse than Masozi's, he sings My Dream by Jane Zhang.

Wait. No one's kissing him now. That's not at all how things are supposed to be. He sits up in Jiang Cheng's lap and kisses him.

Oh.

There are people singing next door in the quiet Asian kid's room! Julia is chilling in her room doing yoga but she's glad that people are having nice healthy social experiences. She pours herself a cup of water, makes it seltzer, pops out the door to maybe join.

Masozi can't remember all the words to this song, and has switched to belting 'doo doo doo' for the instrumental parts. 

It turns out that there are six boys crammed in the quiet Asian kid's room! One of them is asleep. Two of them are making out extremely passionately and without seeming to notice that anyone else in the world exists. One of them is being cuddled by the two singing boys, neither of whom seems to have coordinated on which song or indeed language they're singing in, and one of whom appears to be Shanghai's pet Not Maleficer.

What the fuck!!!!

Julia backs away, still holding her seltzer.

Are they drunk. How are they drunk. Maybe they used their vending machine tokens already (New York makes you give one to the communal stockpile for emergencies) and the vending machines give out alcohol? She doesn't think the vending machines give out alcohol, though! Also! If it did! You'd die!! Julia doesn't want to be one of those spoilsport 'you'll die'  people but like. You don't play on railroad tracks just because you want to rebel against your parents' doom and gloom pessimism.

.....who knew that quiet neighbor had such a party boy wild side????

Julia retreats back into her room and sips her seltzer thoughtfully.

"...did somebody just silently come into the room and then walk out?"

"That was odd."

Even very drunk, Masozi retains enough situational awareness to have noticed the girl snooping on them in time to get a good look. "I think it's - Julie or something. She's from New York. S'the one I offended by accident." 

"Well, she can't have any of our booze. I hate her."

"You could shut the door? If you don't want us being snooped on." Masozi is not going to be the person standing up to do that, though. He's very comfy where he is. 

"But I'm comfy now."

Jiang Cheng has processed none of this because none of it is Nie Huaisang's mouth, which is actually the only interesting thing in the entire world.

What a coincidence, the same thing is true of Jiang Cheng's mouth.

Masozi is so comfortable and happy and also really sleepy now. He starts singing another Chichewa folk song, though not with as much enthusiasm because sleeeeepy, and vaguely wishes Wen Ning had hair to be petted. 

"Why are we doing this again?" says Chloe. She's sitting on Julia's bed squeezed between Fiona and Magnus; Zeke is in front of her with Rebecca in his lap. It's a crowded bed. Silas is in Julia's desk chair, trying to read his homework, like some kind of loser. Julia doesn't know why Silas is like this.

 Orion is, of course, guarding the door. 

        "We can't have Shanghai thinking they throw better parties than us just because they're maleficers!"

"We can't?" says Silas. "What bad thing actually happens if Shanghai thinks they can throw better parties than us?"

         "They'll be emboldened," says Julia with confidence. "Anyone want a mocktail?"

"If we get drunk we will die," says Magnus.

         "Mocktail, doofus. Nonalcoholic. ...also I think even if I made it taste like real alcohol it still wouldn't get you drunk, but I won't do that, because alcohol doesn't actually taste very good."

"I'll have a mocktail," says Fiona. "A frozen apple margarita."

        "I only know how to make pineapple, apricot and lime punch," says Julia. "It's the only one in the spellbook."

"What kind of lame-ass spellbook -"

       "Sssssshhh, I don't want to lose it yet, it also had a bunch of food recipes. He didn't mean it," Julia tells the spellbook, and hands Fiona a punch. "Okay, everyone ready?"

"Yes," everyone says grudgingly. 

 "LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS," roars the room next door, "TO DEFEAT THE HUNS!"

"That's not how Hua Mulan's story goes. It's a stupid movie."

Oh look his kissing has acquired a soundtrack. Like most things that are not kissing, this is totally unimportant.

"I love you," he says into Nie Huaisang's mouth.

"Love you too."