gay necromancers in the potterverse
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"Well, then, I'll pull your pigtails and do other things with you. Problem solved."

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"Excellent. I wonder if we'll be in the same house."

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"Oh, has someone mentioned the house system to you already? I can explain in detail if they didn't."

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"This asshole named Draco Malfoy did but I don't think he talked about it very accurately."

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Has a lemon magically materialised in the professor's mouth? No, apparently not, because she launches into a speech.

"The Hogwarts student body is divided into four houses. While at Hogwarts, your house will be like your family: you will live together, attend class together, and be expected to look out for each other. The four houses are Gryffindor, the house of the valorous; Ravenclaw, the house of the wise; Hufflepuff, the house of the industrious, and Slytherin, the house of the ambitious. You will be Sorted into your houses at the Welcoming Feast at the beginning of term, in a process that is traditionally left as a surprise but which I assure you needs no preparation. Each house has two prefects in each of the fifth, sixth, and seventh years, as well as a faculty head; in addition to my other duties I am the head of house Gryffindor. Any questions?"

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"Right, so I'm a Slytherin obviously, but I don't want to be in a house with that dick."

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"Language, mister Wei. Unfortunately I feel obligated to warn you that the social environment of Slytherin is unlikely to be one you would consider welcoming."

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"So I just become the most powerful one and then they'll have to be nice to me. They're ambitious, that's how it works, right?"

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". . . I have every hope that you will apply yourself and excel in your studies."

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Yeah. that makes sense, adults don't believe in ambition.

To the next thing?

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To the next thing! And to the thing after that! And then to the bookstore!

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Books!

Cy grabs Hermione's hand and tugs her towards the magical theory books. "Mione, Mione, over here, let's learn about the fundamental secrets of the universe."

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Hermione follows but pulls her hand away so she can grab three history books off another shelf on the way. She's in a magical bookstore! It's like dreams about flying, it's like Christmas morning, it's like everything bright and lovely and her arms are full of books within a minute.

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McGonagall loves her job.

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Cy pulls down four books at once and tries to read them all simultaneously.

What kind of things are in the magical theory section?

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There are big dictionaries of spells and their categories, and books of theory about those categories! Some spells are cast as a single event, others as a continuous process. Some spells do the same thing every time; others take input from the caster in some way. Some spells require specific states of mind; some spells can be cast even if you don't know what they do. Transfiguration has its own section. There are books on the theory of potion-making, with diagrams that look almost like the ones in chemistry textbooks but not quite. There are books on spell development that start with lists of other books the author expects their readers to have read and only get more esoteric from there. There are books on the various axes of magical power and what causes some people to have more of it and how one can reach their full potential (these disagree with each other on approximately everything). There are books on the interaction of magic with bodily health. There are books on alchemy that read like the ravings of mad poets.

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Ooh. He's going to make a pile of a bunch of the theory books, especially the ones mentioned in spell development, and the easiest-looking spell development book, and whichever book about what causes people to have more magic power seems least like a self-help book.

Can he find anything about the ways that magic interacts with physics as Muggles understand it?

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There isn't much of that but there's some; mostly relatively human-scale stuff like this survey of which things are faster/more energy-intensive/less failure-prone when done with magic versus without. Also the book on magical power that is technically least like a self-help book is one that claims that it is impossible to gain more magical power because it is determined solely by the purity of one's blood.

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Okay, he's going to pick the one that's least like a self-help book and also has possibly useful advice.

He grabs all the physics ones and puts them on his pile and then is immediately distracted by wizard fiction. What kinds of fiction do wizards write?

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Surprisingly similar kinds to Muggle fiction, except often with wizard protagonists. There are historical fiction books about wizards having adventures in ancient Egypt or the court of Richard the Lionheart; there are fantasy books about kids getting sent to universes where magic works differently or nobody has it and fighting evil; there are books about wizards in the future exploring outer space; there's a very popular series called The Adventures of Galath Lan that appears to be fictionalised accounts of the life of a person who actually exists.

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Oooh, let's add some of those to his pile too. The Adventures of Galath Lan looks interesting he'll get the first one.

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Cy Wei has a pile of more than twenty books. Cy Wei doesn't have any money.

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Hermione also wants a lot of those books plus Hogwarts, a History and some less-fictionalized books about Galath Lan, and the Hogwarts library has some overlap as well, but there are still five or six not in either of those sets.

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Cy Wei is going to... put the books back on the shelves looking like someone has just murdered his cat?

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"While I'm here, I should make some new acquisitions for the library. We didn't come to have the best selection in the country by failing to keep it updated, after all." McGonagall walks down a few shelves and grabs eight books, which just happen to include all the theory books Cyrus had to put back and one on the history of human-merfolk relations.

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Bounce bounce bounce. "Professor McGonagall, I love you."

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