gay necromancers in the potterverse
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Justin Finch-Fletchley is trying so hard not to bust out laughing. Dean Thomas is making "talk talk talk" gestures with one hand on the side Draco can't see and Justin can, which is not helping Justin even a little bit.

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"You know," Cy says cheerfully, "I really feel quite bad for you. A lot of sympathy. I might be a Muggleborn but at least I've accomplished something since my father ejaculated, you know?"

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"I doubt that. You're probably all going to end up in Hufflepuff--if they don't wise up and decide not to let your sort in at all."

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"I'm sorry," Cy says, "I'm a Muggleborn, I don't know anything, I don't have the benefit of your immense wisdom. What is Hufflepuff?"

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Smirk. "Wow, they haven't explained the houses to you yet? I guess they really don't care. Everyone at Hogwarts gets sorted into Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Gryffindor. Slytherin is only open to people from good families who mean to uphold those families' traditions; Ravenclaw is for people who care too much about homework, Gryffindor is reckless lunatics, and Hufflepuff is for losers who can't go anywhere else."

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If Malfoy said two plus two was four Hermione would recompute it to check, but if he's telling anything like the truth she has a suspicion of where she will end up and it's not Hufflepuff.

Dean Thomas says, "What, they just say 'hand up everyone who's a swot, okay now hand up everyone who's a lunatic, hang on, we don't have enough beds in the Swot Building, some of you need to become lunatics now'?"

Justin says, "Maybe places in Ravenclaw are awarded by examination."

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Cy also has his suspicions of where he'll end up.

"Oh, yeah, I'm probably a Hufflepuff then," he says. "I don't have any family to speak of and couldn't uphold their traditions even if I wanted to. --Say, what happens if someone from a good family marries someone from a bad family, or a Muggleborn like me?"

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"Then they're a blood traitor," sneers Draco. "Proper wizards know better than to mix their blood with the likes of you."

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Cy is instantly distracted from his point. "Oh, man, 'blood traitor,' that's metal, I want that as a tattoo."

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"So what I'm getting here is that you're the product of generations of inbreeding that make the British royal family and pedigree dogs look like paragons of hybrid vigor." He eyes Draco critically. "At least you still have a chin. That's important. I suppose there'll be a magical cure for the hemophilia. Pity about the crazy aunt you have locked up in the attic, hope it doesn't get passed along to you."

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It's almost imperceptible, but Draco actually flinches at "crazy aunt you have locked up". (Justin frowns a little at the bit about the royal family.)

"Ugh. I'm done wasting my time on you." He turns away, nose skyward, and is soon rescued by the arrival of a store employee with his stack of uniform robes.

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"Not a good first impression of pureblood wizards," Cy says to Hermione.

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"I really hope they're not all like that."

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"I bet they're not worse than most rich people. Of course, I normally avoid rich people by not going to Eton and I don't have this option here."

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"My parents are dentists and the kids at my school--my old school now, I guess--were all sorts. I guess wizards aren't any different, really."

Justin Finch-Fletchley is paying a reasonable and moderate amount of attention to a rack of dress robes, and then gets actually distracted when Dean Thomas asks him about football.

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Cy is going to get measured for his robes and do his best not to fidget. (His best is not very good.)

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Fortunately the tape measure is superhumanly good at its job. Hermione holds very still and soon all four of them have their own robes and hats.

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"Oh, Hermione, you look beautiful!"

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She looks at him like she thinks he's up to something. ". . . Thank you."

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"The robe looks really great on you! I guess you were meant to be a wizard all along."

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"I do think I like them better than muggle clothes. But that's not why I'm a witch. Well, probably not. Wizards don't know much about genetics."

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"No, actually, it's all about fashion. The more stylish you look in robes the more magical you are."

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Giggle. "I heard Headmaster Dumbledore is really powerful, so I guess when we get to Hogwarts we can check whether he's extremely well dressed."

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Once everyone is enrobed and behatted they can start on a string of miscellaneous errands, collecting telescopes and cauldrons neatly prepacked with starter shelf-stable ingredient kits and protective gloves and quills and ink. Justin's mother says, "See, I told you those calligraphy lessons would pay off" and Justin asserts that she could not possibly have seen this coming but yes, with the benefit of hindsight, he is glad he had the calligraphy lessons.

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"I'm going to smuggle in ballpoint pens."

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