:I think you would probably have noticed? Maybe not. I'm - sorry for ...confusing you about what was going on with me?: She sounds actually kind of stressed.

Ma'ar steps back. Rests his hands on her shoulders. :- Now I am even more confused. What are you worried about right now?:

:Having - distracted you trying to chase down my moods. They're very unreasonable right now and I don't want you to have to worry about them.:

:...I can try not to worry. It is hard because - I care about you. I would prefer you not be - scared of losing my good regard, or whatever it is. And, I mean, just from a tactical perspective, it would be better if both of us could focus on this mission, right?: 

:Yeah. 

I think I was doing fine at no-strings-attached but now we, uh, have some plans? And I'll figure it out, but - I think two-strings-attached is harder. So to speak.:

:...If it helps to hear, this is - hard and confusing for me as well: He shakes his head. :The Queen talked a little about - how people in Cheliax learn to have relationships without getting hurt. She thought you would be putting copious effort into not needing me to care about you at all, or something? I am not very good at feelings but I wish there were something I could do for you to feel less like you need to put in a lot of exhausting effort all the time -: 

:...I think it helps if you're just - very candid? So I can't - come up with lots of pretend interpretations of things you said. So if you were to say, you know, that the crying is only a little tiresome but would probably be a lot tiresome if I kept it up for several days, or that you'd like to be rougher but you're worried that I'm too emotionally fragile to take it, or that you liked Absalom a lot and are currently very glad you're doing this my feelings and all, then I'd have a better sense of how to interpret everything...:

...Unfortunately this request is premised on Ma'ar having any idea what his feelings on those things are. He's going to try, though. 

He takes a deep breath, and pulls Carissa into his arms again. :I did not find you crying tiresome at all. It - made me feel less lonely, I think? Compared to being on the ship, or talking to Leareth, and - it only being about the strategy here, not how awful it is. I did like Absalom and I also liked that I was there with you in particular. ...I had not really thought about whether I would like to be rougher - I assume you mean in bed - but if I want something I will just ask you?: 

:Okay. I will try to expect that instead of expecting lots and lots of possible things.: Lean. 

:Mmm: 

And he scoops her up and carries her to the bed again. Makes himself comfortable. He doesn't say anything else for a long time.

:You can read my mind: she points out eventually. :When I am confusing you.:

:I will keep that in mind, thank you:

A little while later:

:- I am surprisingly nervous about meeting Aroden tomorrow - the human one, I mean, although I suppose the god one is probably even scarier. You would think that it would help knowing he is a me, but...well, I am aware that I am something of a scary person myself, and he is several hundred times my age: 

:He's pretty scary. ...he kidnapped me once but I escaped because he was too nice about it.:

:Heh. I see. ...You know, you arguably kidnapped me, when we met: He's smiling about it. 

:I guess I sort of did! I didn't mean to but there was a lot going on - you must've been pretty freaked out -:

:I was terrified. But you were - actually quite reassuring: 

:You're very like Mhalir. Things he'd find reassuring usually work on you, and vice versa.:

:That makes sense: He squeezes her. :Do - you miss Mhalir? I know I cannot be everything that he was to you: 

:I - guess I miss him. I mostly feel overwhelmed with - not wanting it to end like this but not being sure what the next thing would be. I'm going to apologize, when he gets back. I'm not ready to take him back yet, even if he wants me.: Shrug. :You are a human and want me in a human way and it's easier, I know more about where the pitfalls to that are.:

:Mmm:

And he falls silent, stroking her hair, and then eventually shifts to kiss her. 

And she kisses him back and tries to believe that he wants her as an ally, values her, doesn't believe that is because he's sleeping with her though he could be wrong, that he doesn't mind when she cried...

Eventually he pulls back a little and asks her, very politely, if she would mind if he pinned her in place with magic, he thinks he would like that. 

A few times when he's unsure what her expression means, he reads her mind, though he's not sure whether he expects this to result in him being less confused. 

She wouldn't mind. 

Her thoughts are kind of a mess; she's half-thinking about hooking up with Mhalir, about how different it felt even with just the one body when she wasn't the one in control of it, and she's half-thinking about how going off on a spaceship with him would be a stupid thing to do if she couldn't trust him, and she mostly trusts him but she is also trying to hold the 'stupid thing to do' in mind - she's going to do it anyway, but she doesn't want to be too unpleasantly surprised if it does get her hurt, and she's half-thinking about Carissa the Queen of Cheliax, and wondering if Carissa the Queen of Cheliax told Ma'ar he could use magic in bed if he wanted, and feeling slightly indignant about that, and half-thinking how to respond to him, what her face looks like, how to move or try-and-fail-to-move -

And enjoying herself, under all of that, quite separate from it.

...Nope, he is not really less confused by reading her mind, but - maybe that's fine? For now? He's enjoying himself as well and maybe that's enough. 

And eventually they can go to sleep - Ma'ar gets tired a lot earlier than Carissa, since his Ring of Sustenance won't be working for another week. 

She will read once he's asleep, and eventually fall asleep cuddling with him. It's nice.