She leans against him and pats him with her small baby bird wing. "That was really scary for you."

Why does Caroline always feel the need to say things which are extremely obvious. 

Patpat.

"I - do not actually think that helped with feeling safe," Mhalir says eventually, shakily. "Can we go back to the nest now." 

"Of course." She has been getting gradually more grownup bird shaped, but still flies slowly and shakily back to the nest.

Mhalir follows her; he's actually less shaky, since he's more used to his baby wings and also not wet. He lands and huddles. 

"- I feel very stupid," he admits. "Like - either I should have predicted accurately that would not help, or I should be not scared because actually you are unhurt and nothing bad happened..." 

"I don't think you should feel stupid! I have lots more experience with trauma and I did not predict that that would not help, or I would not have suggested it. And people cannot usually decide to not be afraid of frightening things, it takes time, and examples of the thing going well - and it does not count if the thing technically didn't hurt anyone but was scary again, that won't help you learn to expect it not to be scary."

"I can usually decide not to be afraid if being afraid is unhelpful! ...Maybe that is not exactly true. When I was alive I could usually decide to - put the fear somewhere else, where it would not affect my decisions or thinking very much." 

"That sounds like it could be useful in some circumstances but also mean you don't get much practice at being afraid."

Huh. Mhalir never thought of it in that way, where 'being afraid' is something where practice would help. It...sort of makes sense, though, maybe. 

"I want Carissa," he says, miserably. "Or at least I want to know that she is all right, and - she is in Heaven so probably no one is hurting her? But - to put weight on that I would need to trust that what everyone here says about Heaven is true, when I have not seen it myself, and..." He shrugs helplessly with one wing. "And I hate that I am trapped here and cannot go see for myself and no one will tell me what is happening with the war and maybe they need my help but I am not there - "

"It's very unfair, that we can't go to the other afterlife planes and the Material Plane."

"I do not see how I am supposed to feel safe here when being here means I cannot achieve any of the things I care about!" 

"Do you prefer not to feel safe or be okay while so much is wrong with the universe?"

"I - that feels like the wrong framing - whether I am okay is not the point, the rest of reality is not checking my okayness before being the way it is, and - I made a promise - I cannot just decide not to care about that, that is not how anything works..." 

"Of course not. It is very frustrating that we cannot affect the Material Plane, here."

It's so frustrating.

"I feel as though you are trying to say something else and I am not following your point," he says eventually. 

"Hmmm.

Almost everyone who comes to Nirvana is angry and frustrated that we can't affect the Material Plane. It is hard and unusual to have lived a life that didn't involve making promises. People leave children and elderly parents who will starve without them - mine did. People leave projects that were important, wars they must win. That is what death is. We lose so much. There is nothing anyone here can do to get you home again. The not-going-home - that is not a decision Nirvana makes to help you heal. That is one of the awful things about the universe people have to somehow heal from."

He's suddenly so angry. "I cannot do that." 

"What do you mean by that?"

"I cannot just - be okay - with the universe containing things that are awful. I made a promise that I would fix it. I - Iomedae's cleric asked if I wanted to fight on the side of Good forever, and - and I am so angry if, if they do not want my help anymore even if I wish to offer it - Iomedae was not answering my prayers..." 

"I think there is a difference between - being okay with the universe containing things that are awful, and being okay in a universe that contains things that are awful. Being able to heal within it does not require thinking it's all right. And - it is not the case that in Nirvana we can do nothing to make the world less awful. With time, we can become more powerful, powerful enough if we wish to answer summons from the Material Plane. But the specific things that we set down - we cannot pick those up again. No one here can send us home."

"...I think I am still finding it hard to understand the difference between being okay in and being okay with." 

"That makes sense. Hmm, imagine if you did not feel scared whenever anything happened that you couldn't control, and you understood your own feelings and motivations and where they were coming from, and you didn't feel tired or scared or overwhelmed when unexpected things happened, and you could think about upsetting things but not be consumed by feeling upset. Do those seem like changes that could happen without - changing what you want the world to be like and what you care about?"

"I - maybe? I think I was better at that before. Or - thought I was, at least, I am not sure. I seem to be very bad at it right now and I disprefer that...I think maybe it was already getting worse from the time I came to Golarion, though..." 

"Often, when a person is being traumatized, they learn patterns of thought and reaction that work well enough under the circumstances they're facing. They don't notice that there are problems until they're out of that situation and safe or in a different kind of danger. The soul tries to hold itself together, whatever the cost, while the danger is imminent."