"That makes sense. I can do magic lights but not very big ones, I haven't specialized in magic."

"Maybe I will just - flap my wings here, or something." 

He does that for a bit. It's not especially satisfying but it does result in less feeling like something is mysteriously physically wrong with his body.

"I had a nightmare," he says, folding his wings again and huddling in the nest. "Where Iomedae let Rovagug out by accident and he ate the entire star system." 

"Oh no. Often nightmares are about processing something. I guess it's pretty clear what that one is about processing."

Shiver. "I am tired but I do not really want to go back to sleep now." 

"We could talk more, if you wanted, or sing, or just lie here awake and look at the stars."

"I do not really want to talk more because if I talk about upsetting things then I might have nightmares again if I end up sleeping. I would like it if you taught me another birdsong." 

She can teach him another birdsong.

He sings with her, and eventually finds that he's sleepy again, and spends a while drowsing next to her while vaguely trying to fight it and stay awake, and eventually falls asleep without really meaning to. 

Caroline snuggles him, when he sleeps, and gives advice on flying and birdsongs and trauma, when he's awake.

Mhalir doesn't end up making it back to the legal centre for several days. He gamely answers when Caroline asks questions about people he knew and experiences he had, and talks about his feelings even when they seem pointless and dumb, and he flies and sings and gets better at both.

When he eventually feels like crossing the mile of distance, he goes back to the place where they were giving lessons to prospective lawyers, and gives them advice on setting up their search engine. It's interesting and he tries to lean into wanting to do it for that reason, as opposed to because it's very important; it helps that it's important, but he can notice now that it hurts to push on that too hard.

It gets easier to notice what emotions he's having and what he wants, which unfortunately doesn't get him very far toward understanding why. He goes through periods where for days all he wants to do is sleep, and other times when he's viscerally terrified for hours at a stretch, or inexplicably overwhelmed with sadness, and he can't figure out much of a pattern, it's not obvious that it has to do with what he's talking about with Caroline. 

He misses Carissa nearly all the time, but most of the time it's a background ache, and it's only occasionally that it becomes the only thing he can think about until that, too, passes. 

He doesn't start learning magic, though he thinks about it several times, when he's watching Caroline moving motes of magic light in the air, or spots a magic pebble. It's not that strategically uesful, since it'll take him years to get anywhere, and it's still only abstractly interesting, not in a way he can actually touch and be curious about. 

...

"I wish I knew what Alloran would think about me being here," he finds himself musing to Caroline, at one point, it must be weeks later. "I am not sure why I want to know so badly, it is not that important." 

"Do you want someone to ask him, or send him a letter?"

"Maybe? I am concerned it would be bad for his healing for him to have to answer that question, given - everything. I am not even sure he would know I am here, right now, and maybe he would prefer it that way." 

"I think probably there is a point in his healing where it would be bad for him and a point where it would be good, and it will be hard to guess from the outside which it is, and Nirvana won't engineer things that closely for us - well, if it were a great idea for you to land on top of him it might've done that, but it won't - impede us in tracking him down just because it's a bad idea."

"I guess I could write a letter, and then - have someone ask him if he would want to know information about Mhalir right now? ...Probably it is a good idea to figure out why I want this, first, it - seems bad if actually I want a specific answer and will be very upset if it turns out he still hates me and intends to murder me someday." Shrug. "He swore that he would. Many times." 

"Well, you are already dead. I think most cultures where people swear to kill each other have some provision about the other person being already dead."

"- Maybe. I am not sure if he would think it counted, since I still exist and - get to have nice things here." He thinks for a while. "I...am not sure if it is the case that I only want to hear a particular answer. I do want to have been right that it was better for the world and for him to bring him to Nirvana, and - I want him to be okay, someday, I very badly want that. But - I think right now I just want to have accurate, informed beliefs about what is true, what the actual current situation is. It...feels important, to understanding things. I am not sure why though." 

"Does it feel like it would be - information about Nirvana?"

"- Maybe that, yes. And - about Good, and how...real...it is, it matters if people starting from very different positions would still converge on the same concepts of Good." 

"I think that they do, but - how long has it been?"

He has to think about that surprisingly hard. "- Less than a year? Maybe eight months but it could be a bit more than that." 

" - I think that Good is a real thing people grow towards but it would not be very surprising for them to have only grown towards it a little bit in less than a year."

Mhalir eventually nods. "I understand. I still want to know, I think, but - not if he prefers not to interact with me-related questions at all, and I will only take it as a small amount of information on - whether people in fact converge toward Good, when given the opportunity." 

"That makes sense. We can send a note and someone can ask him whether he wants updates about you and we'll hear back about that."

"- Can you write the note? It feels - too personal, for me to write something to him myself, and... I am not sure, it feels stressful." 

"I can do that." She does it with magic, appearing the words in an unfamiliar language on a piece of paper. "I will say that Mhalir is in Nirvana and he is not sure whether Alloran will want that or more information but if Alloran did want more information, available information includes that..." She looks at him questioningly.