"I do think it is easier when there are problems now that I have tools to solve and I can - prioritize my feelings based on whether they help with that." He shivers. "...I find it very distressing to consider that I 'should not' be doing things right now, and I am not sure whose 'should' that would be or what that even means." 

"It is possible that it is most conducive to your long-term ability to learn to metaphorically swim if you try to not do any things in particular right now."

"That does not make any sense. 'Learning to swim' is doing a thing, even if it is metaphorical and actually a different skill." 

"Let's say you are in the middle of the water and you are trying to learn to swim but you are impaired in learning by the fact you're panicking and desperately distorting all your movements to keep your head an inch above the surface. And also let's say that actually you can breathe fine in water. Then the first advice someone might give you is to stop trying to not drown, and just see what happens, and get used to it, and then start trying to swim."

"Huh." He is giving her such a puzzled look. "...Can we breathe in water, here?" 

"I don't know! I bet not in this form or I would've discovered it when I jumped in the creek, and instead I floated."

"I - am trying to figure out better what 'swimming' is a metaphor for, here - in the version where I could actually breathe underwater, metaphorically - so I know what to even stop trying to do. Maybe...it could be a metaphor for - being in control of my surroundings, knowing what is happening and having tools and plans to change it if something bad would otherwise happen..." 

"Hmmm. Maybe. Or for - fighting wars, for expecting that the only way to get what you want is to have the resources to insist on it -"

"Maybe. I mean, it is not as though I even have the option of going and fighting wars right now, so I suppose I am forced to practice not fighting wars and instead...hoping that Iomedae or Aroden will make sure things turn out all right? Except I am scared that maybe both of them are dead and that things will not be all right at all." 

"I think probably we would have heard about it if Iomedae was dead."

"I suppose. And I do not have any good plans right now because I have very few resources to work with and - I am not trying that hard, I guess. I am very tired." 

"If you are resurrected later, I think the thing you'll be gladdest you did while you were here is - rest, and process, and learn better ways to process things. And if you are not resurrected later that will still be a useful thing to have done."

"Mmm. What are better ways to process things?" 

"It depends on the person. Talking about them. Painting, flying, swimming, building things. Talking about - what predictions they lean you towards making, and whether you think those predictions are right."

He nods. "That fits. The last thing would be very useful, I think, to understand how I think and what my feelings about things are doing for that, I keep being very confused about my emotions." It also sounds like such an insurmountable amount of effort, though. "...But right now I am tired and I want to sleep, I think." 

She extends her wing.

Mhalir snuggles up against her, and if he doesn't quite feel safe, well, he feels closer to it than he ever has before. He falls asleep without too much difficulty. 

- in the middle of the night he has a nightmare where Iomedae accidentally releases Rovagug, thinking that he'll be confined to eating Hell, and instead he eats the entire planet of Golarion as well, and then the rest of the planets, and the sun, and he wakes up just as the last light from it is fading, in that moment filled with total conviction that Rovagug is in fact free and coming for Nirvana next - 

It is dark. The sky is starry. Caroline is asleep.

For some reason it feels impossible to move or speak or take any action on purpose; he tries to make a sound, and it takes multiple attempts even for that to work. 

Caroline wakes once he makes a sound. " - are you all right?"

Mhalir is silent, shivering, staring fixedly at the dark sky. He can't really parse the question, right now, let alone answer; he's almost too disoriented to properly have emotions, instead of feeling scared per se he mostly feels like he can't breathe. 

She can snuggle him and wait to see if that gets any better.

Slowly he becomes more aware of his actual surroundings, which are quiet and peaceful and, to be fair, dark, but this is normal and expected and not a sign that the sun is gone or anything.

He's still scared, and it continues to feel bizarrely like a disease or injury rather than a normal emotion. This is very baffling. 

Eventually he tries to explain this to Caroline, so he can ask if she's had that happen to her before. 

"I have not personally had that happen, but I have heard people describe it. Sometimes flying or swimming can help, because it has to do with your body - misattributing sensations - and changing the context can help with that. Sometimes it can help just to know that your body is misattributing sensations and you are not injured or suffocating."

"I did figure that part out. I am worried that if I try to fly now I will crash into a tree because I cannot see where I am going."