hey baby, did it hurt when you fell from heaven
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Well, he didn't find that argument persuasive last time.

He should eat. Whatever's wrong, if he's weak he can't fix it.

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That's a good enough point that he makes an effort to eat, even though his stomach is in knots. 

"War's over in Cheliax," he tells her eventually, with no emotion in his voice. "Asmodeus won." 

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"Asmodeus won - why would anybody at all sign a treaty where Asmodeus won, might as well just let him kill you."

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"I am - not sure - I mean, it is not literally a treaty with him, there is a figurehead Queen - but he was backing her very, very blatantly..."

Aroden starts crying again, turns away to face the wall. 

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She sits down and hugs him. "I'm sorry. We could - try to bring your family over?"

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"That - I - it is not - I do not think any of them are still alive." That seems like the explanation he can give that's least a lie. "At least they - are in Axis. It is - all the rest who are still alive–"

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"Yeah. I'm sorry."

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He doesn't say anything, just leans into her arms. 

...For the next week, he can't bring himself to do things. Can barely force himself to eat. Which is stupid, it does the opposite of help, but - well, at this point a few days aren't going to make any difference at all, are they? And - it feels important, to grieve for what happened, maybe gods don't need to do that but he's human, now, fragile and limited, and it feels like he has to stare at this for a while before he can keep moving forward.  

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Saba asks what's wrong with him. Parmida says he is mourning, maybe, sort of. Because the people in Cheliax will be damned to Hell - but Saba won't, unless he does evil things.

Merab gets some refugees from Cheliax, before the new government successfully strangles emigration. 

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After a week he tries to pull himself together. He sits down at his workbench, but instead of churning through making magic items, he stares at a blank piece of paper and considers what to do next. Eventually, he makes some notes. He casts the intelligence spell, which lasts longer now, though it gives him less of a relative boost since it (infuriatingly) doesn't stack with the headband. 

That evening he goes to Parmida. "I am reconsidering what makes sense to do next. I am somewhat less concerned about Nethys paying me special attention in any city but Sothis, so I suspect it makes sense to move back to a city. It need not be Merab; we can look at a map and consider where you and Saba would be happiest - ideally somewhere no one will quibble at a woman teaching magic or running a magic shop. However, I - also think that at this point, I am not becoming stronger as a wizard as fast as I could be, and teaching students again will not remedy that. At higher levels it is not just about practice, it is - there needs to be real risks, real stakes, it is part of why so many wizards are adventurers. So I think that I ought to do that. It also tends to be quite lucrative, so I could send money home - I know it would not make up for my absence, and I would miss you very much, just..." He has no further explanation, really. "I am not sure what makes most sense here. What do you think?" 

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She looks - very tired. "Could you wait until Saba's old enough to be the man of the house? He really isn't, yet -"

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"How old would you want him to be?" He looks into her eyes. "I am scared to wait. I am scared that - something else will happen, something where I could have done something, if I had - prepared as hard as I could - but not if I go with what is comfortable instead. Rahadoum is still in civil war - what if Asmodeus decides to press his advantage and take over there as well..." 

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"Are you worried He'll, what, take over the whole world -"

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"I think it would be surprising if he could succeed in that - it would violate agreements about balance of power between the gods - but, I was surprised when he took Cheliax. And even if he only takes one or two more countries, that is - it will make it harder to ever take Cheliax back from him, if the side of Evil has even more on their side and the side of Good less." 

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"...your plan is to try to take Cheliax back from Asmodeus?"

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"Someday! Not - not for a very long time, I think, and I am not sure yet how to get to there from here, but - yes." 

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"You'll get yourself killed. And - worse, probably."

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Sigh. "I know it sounds very stupid. But - well, I would not to attempt it at all until I am a very high level wizard, and very high level wizards are quite difficult to kill. It...would certainly take long enough to get there, that Saba will be grown and perhaps his children will be grown, and in the meantime - I will have to do dangerous things, it is the only way to gain more levels as a wizard much past where I am now, but I am not going to be stupid about it, because if I do get myself killed then I will not succeed at any of my future plans, will I."

He looks down. "Probably it is - not that useful, to talk about that part now. If you want, you are welcome to believe that this is a rash response to being very upset and that I will calm down about it by next year. But, just... There are battles worth fighting in this world, right, even if not that one specifically. There are people worth protecting, who right now have no one to protect them, and I - I want to be someone who can but I am not strong enough and if I do not try very very hard and make many sacrifices then I never will be. And that matters to me and is not something I will give up." 

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"You mentioned. When we first met. I'd just worry less if - well, frankly, if you seemed in your right mind."

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"Is there anything that would reassure you I am in my right mind? I had hoped that six months passing would." 

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"You could eat, for one."

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"I am eating! It was hard when I was - very very sad and wallowing in it. I am not going to do any more of that because it is not helping, it just - it seemed like I had to. Anyway. My first proposal is still that we choose a city to move to, where you can have all of the things that you like, and I would expect to spend at least a few months getting everything settled there anyway. Does that part seem like a sane enough plan to you?" 

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"...that seems like a good idea but if you are going to be a notorious adventurer it might be better if people have a hard time connecting you to us."

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"I was thinking that I would not do adventuring under my real name." (It's not his actual real name anyway.) "Probably many people do not. Nobody outside the city would recognize my face anyway. Once I have teleport spells it would be easy to mostly work far from home." 

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She bites her lip. "Okay. Will this be the last time we move. It's not good for Saba, having to make friends over and over again."

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