Then he will see her writing in a room full of mediocre paintings, and playing with Khemet, and hanging out on the beach, and eating in her room talking to Zakiya, and telling bedtime stories. She moves more than she used to. She seems a little less like she's being tied down by weights. She doesn't smile very much, but it's something.

She thinks about what she wants.

Eventually she sends him a very short letter.

I think it would be good to see you again, if you wanted to visit.

He arrives the next day. A servant comes in to let her know that he is here.

She has taken all of the paintings out of her room and cleaned up her writing desk. She feels like she should probably have prepared better for this. She had a plan, but now it seems like a stupid plan. Maybe this will end up going horribly because she didn't prepare well enough. But she misses him.

She sits at her writing desk and thanks the servant and tells them they can let him into her room.

He comes in. Stops at the door. 

"Hey.

You look better, I think."

Nodnod.

"I feel better.

"I had this whole plan where I was going to do the prostrating myself thing to show you that I could now, and do everything right according to - protocols, and stuff, as far as I remember them, and maybe this would make you less annoyed when I explained what I actually wanted, but it all seems - stupid and manipulative and staged, now. I can do it anyway if you think I should."

 "I said that you did not need to do that, in private."

"Yeah, but I didn't know if you thought it was a - non-ideal concession. That it would be better if I didn't need."

"I mean, ideally none of this would ever have happened and we'd both be happy somewhere else."

"I guess so. That doesn't really - 

"Can I just give you a hug, and talk about this later?"

"Yes." Hug.

Hug. Hughughug.

"I missed you. I hope that doesn't sound dumb - given how long it took - "

"No. I - missed you too. A lot. I kept wishing -" Sigh. "Are you better? You seemed better, in your letters."

"I think I'm better. Ish. I thought of a lot of things I wanted. I'm not sure if they're very good things."

"Well, they do not have to be since I am an evil pharaoh."

"I feel like this is - a misunderstanding of the level on which I am worried about you disapproving of them.

"I want - I want to have a place where I can talk to you without worrying about you being the pharaoh. A place where you can just be Hagan. Just be my husband. And not be - not drag all of Osirion into every room you enter, and not make me have to worry about disrespecting you. And I know you think that's - weakness, not to wear the office all the time - but I think maybe I am weak.

"This was what the prostration was supposed to help with, right, so it didn't seem - like I was saying there was something I wouldn't do, just - "

"Oh, Korva. You have demonstrated that you will do whatever you need. But I can't - I can't take good care of you while you're doing that, I don't know how. I think - maybe there's a way to make that work. I can talk to Fazil about it."

Nodnodnod. Clingy hug.

"Only has to be one room. Just this one. And everywhere else we can be - what we're supposed to be - and when I can't do that I can just stay in here, right, I don't think I can do anything horrible in here - I guess I could hurt Khemet, but why would I - "

"You wouldn't. I was never afraid of that, I know you and I know you never would."

Nodnodnod.

"I don't know how to say why I want it in a way that doesn't sound awful. I tried writing it out, over and over, how I could be married and happy with different versions of you, with different things changed, and - tried thinking how to feel happy with someone who treated me the way pharaohs are supposed to treat people. And I couldn't think how. I would spin it and spin it, and some ways were better than other ways, but I would always just want - I don't have a word for it that doesn't sound awful - I know you said I wasn't a slave, so I don't want to draw that comparison, but I don't have a word that means - "

"Maybe you could use Osirian wife to mean the thing you do not like where you belong to me and Taldane wife to mean the thing you meant to sign up for when you married me."

"Maybe.

"That's not even exactly the thing, right, but maybe it's - enough to be getting by on. I don't know.

"I feel like - if you want me to be what I'm supposed to be then I can do it. I think I have - found enough of myself that I can give you obedience and submissiveness and - still have enough of myself to be functional. But I can't - it really seems like if you are the property of someone who expects obedience and submissiveness, then - it is probably just not a good idea to take off your armor around them. To let yourself feel comfortable, or safe. And - that was the problem, right, the first one, that has to be the thing that made sex not work, if euphoric tranquility makes it work, so - 

"I just - I wanna try getting to know you. The way you are now. And letting you get to know me. I wanna try getting to be comfortable. But I don't - I don't know if it's actually possible to go being comfortable around the pharaoh, not without - cutting out half of my reasoning ability. Half of myself."

"I think that makes sense."

"Okay," she says, very quietly. "It sounded less stupid the way I was supposed to say it. I was gonna ask you if you could just - be my husband, and not anything else, for just one hour, and then - kiss you, and ask if we could lie down, and see what I wanted to - but then it seemed like I would probably just end up making everything worse, somehow, and it took long enough to recover this much, so - "

"You would make everything worse because - you need specific additional things and would not have told me about them?"

"I don't know. I just kind of expect everything to go wrong, at this point. Or - that I'd appear to be promising something and then not know how to follow through, and just make you more frustrated - you've got to be so frustrated, after this long, I'd imagine - "