"He said they told him not to get a professor, but he didn't, he got us. I feel like Slytherins ought to appreciate that logic."

"Hmmm yesss they might, how did he find you guys?"

"He just walked over to us shortly before we came and fetched you and asked if we were your friends."

He scratches his head. "Hmmm. He might not be in too much trouble. Did any other Slytherins see him? If they find out he technically-didn't-break-the-rules they will probably try to teach him a lesson about not being found technically-not-breaking-the-rules."

"I don't know if they saw him but they weren't in earshot."

"If they find out what?"

"Well, they told Jacob not to tell a Professor, so he went and told you guys, which technically isn't telling a Professor but accomplishes the same goal, which is good Slytherin behaviour, go around the system instead of against it, except a much better Slytherin behaviour is doing that and not getting caught. There was a whole speech about Proper Slytherin Behaviour by one of the older students the other day."

"There was? What else constitutes proper Slytherin behavior?"

He starts making a list. "It's good Slytherin behaviour to have inscrutable goals; it's Proper Slytherin Behaviour to have very clear and obviously correct public goals that are not in fact your real goals. It's good Slytherin behaviour to technically-not-break-rules; it's Proper Slytherin Behaviour to not be found out while doing that; it's Extra Proper Slytherin Behaviour to be the one making the rules. It's good Slytherin behaviour to know your enemies better than your friends; it's Proper Slytherin Behaviour to never let other people think of you as their enemy no matter what you think of them." He shrugs. "There was more, but at some point I had to pay more attention to holding my giggles than to listening because this is the House that supported a Dark Lord and thinks muggles aren't people. Most of them couldn't recognise a cunning plot if it danced on the table and threw its bra at them."

Willow snorts milk at the image and starts giggling uncontrollably.

Miranda laughs too. "Yeah, Slytherin has not been exhibiting especially Slytherin behavior in recent memory."

"Tell me about it," he says, shaking his head and offering Willow a napkin to clean up the mess. "I'm going to rescue their reputation, though! Starting with Jacob. I'm gonna teach him how to Slytherin properly. Starting by not being seen in public with me or my friends, for as long as Slytherins are stupid it's best for his image if he doesn't associate with the scummy muggleborn."

"How very magnanimous of you not to expect public shows of loyalty."

"Why, thank you," he grins.

"I wonder what it would be like to have a Slytherin House with a good reputation." Pause. "Where would the hat even put the evil kids?"

"Well, they'll probably be evenly divided, there's no reason why evil kids can't be Ravenclaw and Gryffindor." Beat. "Probably no Hufflepuffs though."

"Hufflepuffs could be evil, maybe. It would just be a weird kind of evil."

"Tight-knit, tireless conspiracies. Unethical prosocial mind magic."

"Hufflepuffs can totally be evil," Willow says, and cackles like a mad scientist, before dissolving into more giggles.

Sadde shudders. "I'm starting to have second thoughts about my project."

"If there are Hufflepuff-type evil kids I'm not sure you can stop them by declining to save Slytherin's reputation."

"Well if right now they're all going to Slytherin because that's where the Hat defaults to putting evil kids, they might not be as effective at evil as they'd be if they went to Hufflepuff instead."

"Well, the Slytherins aren't as effective at evil as they could be because everyone's suspicious of them, so your project will be helping those ones too."

"But my project isn't just rescuing their reputation, it's restoring Salazar's legacy! The glory of old! Or some such. You know, untangling 'cunning' from 'evil.' Though I guess that'd be invariably true. Hmmm." He shrugs. "I think it's still a net good, though, if this is what the world looks like when we have witless Slytherins running the place I am definitely not impressed and need to fix it. Of course, if we do end up taking over the world then that'll be moot and just my altruistic act of the day. Or something."

"I don't think I'd describe the situation as witless Slytherins running the place. The Headmistress was a Gryffindor and the Minister of Magic was a Hufflepuff."