In fact, she assumes this is a totally unimportant event until a young-looking man in a funny hat appears in her bedroom.

"...hello."

"What are you doing here and how did you get into my house."

Lev has talked to exactly one human in his entire life and has no idea how to explain things to them.

"--Well, I came in here by magic, and I came here because you are now Santa Claus."

"What??"

"Because you killed Santa?" Lev tries. "And when you kill Santa then you become Santa."

" - I didn't kill anyone? Also that's insane?"

He's wearing a weird hat and claiming he broke in with magic, she doesn't actually know why she's trying to reason with this burglar, this is dumb.

Evidence. That is the thing Lev would want in her shoes, evidence.

He considers snapping his fingers and summoning a snowglobe into his palm, decides that might be sleight of hand, and instead snaps his fingers and teleports them to the Moon.

" - what is this?"

Not a burglar, OK, not a burglar, this is new.

"Well, I figured I had to show you that magic was real, so I had to do something that I could definitely only do with magic, and I decided to teleport you to the Moon because I like the Moon." 

The Earth is half-full before them in the sky.

"Yeah. OK. That makes sense," she says, weakly. Most of the rest of this does not make sense, but honestly at this point whatever.

"So you, Karen Teller, killed the previous Santa and you are now Santa Claus."

"I assume if I tell you that Santa isn't real that's just going to make me look really dumb at this point."

"The previous Santa believed in the wonder of childlike faith, so he required us to use our magic to conceal our existence, so that children would believe in us even though there was absolutely no evidence we existed."

He is proud of himself for managing to say that almost entirely without disgust in his voice.

"OK. Sure. Fine. But I didn't kill anyone."

"You gave Santa a book on roof repair. He lost his balance, fell off the ladder, and died."

"That's not killing someone!"

"Well, there's not anyone else who caused his death more."

"So what, every time Santa dies the Santa magic or your weird Santa legal system just casts around wildly for some random person who was sort of involved in the chain of events leading to Santa's death, and then goes 'hey! New Santa over here!'?"

"Uh. Yes. How else would we pick the next Santa?"

"Literally any other way! I would have to try to come up with a worse system! Maybe if you selected the youngest baby in the world. Or the person who was responsible for the most deaths. Or whoever wrote the worst post on twitter today. Those would all be worse but this is almost as bad of a system."

"What's a Twitter?"

"It's a terrible website. It's not important. So OK, you're - what are you doing here, exactly?"

"Well, I was the previous Santa's personal adviser. I'm here to explain to you that you're Santa, tell you about how the magic works, answer any questions you have, take you to the North Pole, help you get settled in, and then have you pick another adviser if you want one. Or stick with me. Up to you, really."

"OK! Well. I have a lot of questions. Like, what does it... mean... that I am Santa."

"Have you heard of the Christmas spirit?"