elf!Andalites & Butterfly
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"- if that wouldn't be intrusive."

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<My sense of what is intrusive has been recalibrated.>

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<So therefore I no longer find it such, even if once I might have. There is no point reconstructing and trying to be who I was before this war, Bella. I have given it some thought.>

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He sends her the chat logs.

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"I wonder why it doesn't bother most of them. Especially if it's cultural."

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<There are lots of societies that participate in horribly cruel systems but usually the cruelty is much more out of sight.>

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"Yeah. Maybe they just - desensitize near-instantly or something."

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<Maybe. 

 

 

I find it upsetting that it is possible to know people the way I do without caring about them.>

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"It's not quite the way you do, though."

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<The standard Yeerk way isn't. But he got - me. The personality sticks, he said, the procedural knowledge does...>

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"So maybe in a year or three he'll have particular nuanced appreciations of whoever he hangs out with. If your procedural knowledge extends to blind slugs talking to other blind slugs. I'm not sure you should expect it to - recurse - and you don't work instantly -"

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<Or cross the species barrier particularly well. I still do not have across-the-board better than average human social competence.>

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"I think most of that is context rather than skill at this point unless you're spackling over a lot of failures to read body language and I'm not noticing, or something, but yeah. So I don't think this should lead to that conclusion."

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<It worked, anyway, in the sense I like him and want him to be happy and while I'd still sleep better if he were dead I do not think I would kill him if he were in front of me.>

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<You find the liking people thing disconcerting on multiple levels. I am - sorry?>

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"It's... not the avenue by which I avoid wishing people dead," she says. "I'm using really different architecture for that."

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<My generic desire for good things for all beings does not extend to Yeerks who used my body to murder people I care about, so I am stuck with fallback ones.>

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"I'm not saying you shouldn't think of things that way or anything."

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Shrug. Shudder. 

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<If you have thoughts, they are vanishingly unlikely to hurt my feelings.>

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"My thoughts're partly irrelevant mental tangent about what liking people even means - I was accused once by a school acquaintance of not liking people, at all ever, which I think implies a useless but not actually incoherent definition of the word - and partly noticing you're still twitchy."

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