Oh. That's—that's the first time Tae-gun's seen Jaeha blush.

...he looks so cute.

"I like you, hyung," he says, leaning his head against Jaeha again.

Now he has to hide his face, too. It's the first time Tae-gun said that out loud. "Haah... You drive me insane, Tae-gun-ah."

"Hopefully in a good way."

"Of course it's in a good way. And of course I like you too. For fuck's sake, Tae-gun, I've never liked anyone this much before. I don't know what to do with myself, I just want to spend all my time with you, even when I'm backlashed I still look forward to seeing you, it's embarrassing to need you as much as I do but I do. I need you." It's only been a couple of months and it's terrifying that when he said "I like you too" he actually wanted to say "I love you" because if this isn't love he has no idea what love is. He's constantly feeling like he's out of his mind, like this isn't him, except obviously it's the opposite, this is him, he hadn't been himself in years and now he is and he doesn't fit in his skin anymore, he feels like he's going to burst out of it at any moment, and he feels it more whenever he sees Tae-gun, whenever Tae-gun calls him "hyung", whenever Tae-gun looks at him and blushes, whenever Tae-gun moans, whenever he wakes up before Tae-gun and sees his sleeping face and kisses his nose and watches him smile blearily and hears him mumble a "good morning" with that dumb, besotted look on his stupidly gorgeous face.

Jaeha really, really doesn't know what to do.

Okay that was a way cooler confesion than Tae-gun's and he also doesn't know what to do. His heart is pounding so loudly in his chest he's certain even an unagumented human would be able to hear it and he's flushed from head to toe. He had no idea it was possible to feel this way about someone, he feels so unprepared for it, and he feels like it's got to be fake. It's got to be fake that he's liked this much when he's not even trying, that he doesn't need to try, that he can be pathetic and whiny and clingy and horny and impulsive and Jaeha will just keep on liking him.

In summary: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Jaeha is in a state of mind where he thinks he'd be inclined to feel anxious that Tae-gun didn't respond to his confession except he can feel Tae-gun's emotions right now and he knows exactly what effect his confession had so he's not anxious at all because he knows Tae-gun likes him too.

...

...fuck.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

"Fuck!"

Tae-gun jumps at the sudden outburst and looks at Jaeha in alarm.

He's covering his face with both hands.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," he repeats over and over until the word has stopped sounding like a word.

How? How could he? How could he do this? How could he act this way, how could he, he, how could he lie to his Tae-gun the way he has been, the way he does to everyone at all times? How could he lie to everyone at all times like he does, and manipulate them, and change their feelings, and make them experience things that aren't real?

Jaeha's a monster. That's monstrous. That's a horrible thing to do, and he's constantly doing it, and even now while he's thinking about how he's constantly doing it he's still doing it, his power is still active, he's still reaching for the warmth and safety of Tae-gun's feelings of concern for him. He doesn't know how to stop, he doesn't know how to not do that, he feels like he's going to drown in icy water. He feels like he deserves to drown, like he shouldn't be allowing himself to be warm.

He fucked up. He fucked up so much. He's been fucking up for years, and he's been massively fucking up for the past several months, and he knows exactly what he's going to do next and it's making him nauseous with fear to think about it but he has to, he has to even if it makes Tae-gun decide to end things with him forever, because Tae-gun deserves to end things with him forever if that's what he wants to do once he knows the truth.

Fuck!

"Hyung, what's wrong? What's happening?"

He looks at Tae-gun again, at those beautiful cobalt blue eyes, and he crumbles. He pulls away, pulling his legs close to and under him, and kneels in front of Tae-gun, both hands in fists over his thighs and his gaze downcast.

"Tae-gun-ah—" Does Jaeha even have a right to call him that? "Tae-gun. I need to tell you something."

Well that's not anxiety-inducing or anything!!

He has no idea where to start. 

"I have no idea where to start."

Maybe at the beginning. 

"I lied to you about my backlash."

...what?

"It's not anhedonia. Or it's not just anhedonia. I lose—a lot more than that. I lose—everything. I lose my emotions. I lose empathy. I become empty, I don't care about people, I don't care about myself, I don't care about anything. I don't feel remorse or guilt, and the bad, ugly emotions are the last to go. I can feel sad but not happy, I can feel angry but not calm, I can feel jealous but not satisfied. 

"And then those are gone, too."

Oh.

...that's not... so bad? It's not really that different from how Tae-gun had been modelling it, though the, it has some implications. He's... not enough of a people person to know what the implications are...

...well, at least one of the implications is obvious.

"You lied to me when you were backlashed, right?"

No, Jaeha can feel Tae-gun starting to rationalise it and he doesn't want Tae-gun to decide anything before he's heard the full story.

"And I never clarified it, even when I got more guided. Until now. But that's not all."

...okay...

"I lied to you about what my powers are, too. ...I lied to everyone about what my powers are. No one knows, but me."

...........okay........................

He extends his hand forward, palm up. "Put your hand on mine." He's still not looking at Tae-gun.

He does not like where this is going but he does.