wait seriously like haha or seriously like SERIOUSLY

yes seriously

dude I've been hitting on you for years

i thought it was BANTER

you flirt with everybody!

there are lots of people I'd like to sleep with!

have you not seen my press coverage

but seriously you're great + I like you

Deadpool starts typing three separate times.

you did see my face when the lights went up, right

like don't get me wrong i am so ready to be excited about this but i've gotta check

yes

I don't care

He needs just a minute.

Long period of ugly crying tastefully redacted for the sake of the readership. –Ed.

Okay. Okay, he's good.

so if i said i was already on a different building

we're less likely to get caught on stark tower but I can fly over and pick you up

with all my heart i wanna say 'yeah it'd be terrible if somebody caught me fucking asher stark. not hot at all'

please fly over cabs are expensive

Location shared.

And a few minutes later Asher is landing on top of the building. His facemask retracts. He's smiling. 

"I definitely thought you were monogamous or something."

"Nah, just insecure. My girlfriend's always on me about getting out more."

He finishes packing up some kind of gun-related apparatus into a duffel bag and slings it over his shoulder.

Asher scoops him up in his arms. "So you have a girlfriend and you were still confused that when I was hitting on you it was because I wanted to have sex with you?"

Eeeeeee.

"She's, uh...got her own stuff going on. If there's one person who'd be chill with all this–"

He gestures vaguely at his face, and then the rest of him.

"–it's her."

Gosh, their faces are awfully close. 

"But there's more than one person who is chill with all this! You have a small but enthusiastic fanbase, you know."

...they are awfully close, huh.

"I mean...I know fansite guy's into me, if it's not a...joke..."

Wow Asher Stark's face is distracting. Stupid mask.

Asher starts laughing hysterically.

"–I'm suddenly really curious."

"I know fansite guy and. He is literally one of the kindest and most earnest people I have ever met, I don't think it would ever occur to him to pretend to be into someone he wasn't."

"Huh. Is he cute?"

"...wow, I am literally right about to hook up with you and I just asked that."

"It's cool! He's adorable but for secret-identity-related reasons you can't hook up."

He lands.

"Secret-identity-related reasons are the worst."

Maybe he's gonna take just a second to get down from here. Asher wouldn't drop him, would he?

(...that'd be kind of hot, though.)

Asher puts him down gently. The suit opens and he steps out. 

[Click here to skip the sex scene. Sex scene contains extreme masochism.]

This is an appropriate time to whistle, right?