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Taliar in Evil Arda
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You are so appreciated, Taliar, so appreciated, it's like I never properly breathed until I found you -

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Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww aww aww Taliar needs to kiss him some more now. And hug him. And then kiss him again. I am so so so glad I can make you this happy, my love.

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You're everything - I love you - are you recovered enough, I want to fuck you again -

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I am definitely recovered enough for that.

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Oh, good. 

 

 

And then he even lets Taliar eat and hear about the postwar reconstruction efforts for a little while before he asks - name?

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Taliar has a delightful time with the sex and the food and the conversation about postwar reconstruction efforts.

And—as soon as Maitimo asks the question he's terrified and thrilled and honestly a little worried that his mental architecture does not allow for him to forget a name well enough, he can dodge it for a couple of seconds by now but—Nahira.

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Go get the daffodils -

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He goes and gets the daffodils.

The weeks of overexposure definitely noticeably helped. He sees her eyes and hears her voice but he doesn't lose touch with the present moment, he is still capable of smoothly picking up the flowerpot and bringing it to Maitimo and putting it down and smiling his try-me smile and kissing his boyfriend despite the sick fear he feels.

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And his boyfriend wants to play with the new soul-ability!

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An imaginary stranger touching his soul, without Maitimo's presence there to hold onto, is—

—it's not worse than some of the other things that have happened to Taliar, but it's purer in its awfulness. He has no support, no ability to think about anything other than the overwhelming sense of violation. It hurts and he can't get away and he can't feel anything else. It hurts and he can't remember a time when it didn't hurt, can't imagine that it might ever stop hurting. It hurts and he can't tell that he's sobbing helplessly because the soul-contact feeling crowds out his senses.

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He stops. Very very briefly. Name -

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He is unable to process the question.

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Can he process the daffodils?

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His head is a mess, nowhere near recovered, his senses are still mostly not working right - and interestingly enough, although he isn't together enough to consciously notice the smell of daffodils, it still prompts him to think of a red-smoke soul and recontextualize the lingering feeling of intense violation. Now instead of being on the way to recovering his senses, he is on the way to vividly hallucinating that Nahira is raping him at this very moment.

He isn't thinking of her by name, though, so in that narrow sense this is sort of like progress.

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Not really the satisfactory kind. He slaps him.

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That gets recontextualized too; it comes through as though she did it.

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And if he touches his soul without any mind-games on top?

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Then of course Taliar can think of nothing but Maitimo.

Maitimo touching Taliar's soul without any mind-games on top has not been this bad in a while. He's terrified and he doesn't understand what's happening and he still loves Maitimo, still trusts him, but he feels so lost and alone and confused and he wants so badly for Maitimo to help him, save him, hold him, make everything okay... he feels the intimacy of soul contact like a refuge.

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Maitimo moves the daffodils away. Hugs him. Lets go after a while.

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Taliar collapses on him and cries.

After a few seconds he starts recovering from the soul contact, and a few seconds after that he starts piecing together what must have happened - anonymous soul contact without Maitimo in the mix is, wow, intense, and then - daffodils? - must have been - in retrospect it should've been predictable that that would happen but he can see how it might've caught Maitimo by surprise - he definitely doesn't think Maitimo did that to him on purpose; that did not feel like a result Maitimo would have been trying for.

Weepy, emotionally exhausted snuggles. Love and trust and comfort and gratitude - he's glad Maitimo touched his soul to snap him out of it, glad Maitimo is hugging him now, these are both very helpful things and he appreciates them very much.

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Snuggles. It was not my intent to give you flashbacks to her, no.

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He sniffles and breathes and hugs Maitimo some more. I know. I love you.

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I am going to push this until it works or you beg me to stop.

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Taliar smiles. My rescuer. Love you.

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