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Taliar in Evil Arda
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Okay. I love you. Goodnight.

He doesn't know whether he should be trying to figure out what Maitimo is getting at or leaving it alone. He defaults to leaving it alone because presumably Maitimo has noticed his confusion and can decide in his own time what if anything to do about it. He goes to bed.

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He works all night.

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Taliar has a good healing-tour day, entirely free of daffodils. He feels very settled and content when he comes to dinner.

It's something of a surprise to him when he sits down and the first thing he says is, "...I'd really like it if you told me what I'm missing."

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"About what? I said that I dislike, aesthetically, being the sort of person who if you make our shared goals conveniently unreliant on your wellbeing for my benefit, will take advantage of that and hurt you. I dislike it the same way I'd dislike keeping dungeons where I torture political prisoners, or having a high crime rate because people trust their government more if they're living in instability - it's betraying trust that I've been granted, it's not - not what I want. So. I'm not going to fuck you if you don't want me to."

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...Put like that, it explains not only exactly what he was missing but exactly why he was missing it.

Going strictly by the logic as presented, this state of affairs is stable only as long as Taliar never understands its full implications, because as soon as he believes what Maitimo just said, it becomes massively more destructive to him if Maitimo ever does rape him again, and that interferes with the premise. So the parts of his mind that steer what he's able to think about saw the contradiction and wouldn't let him close the gap lest he fall in. But he is not actually living in a particularly disturbing logic puzzle and this assurance is not going to vanish as soon as he notices it - which he could have figured out if he'd thought about it, but he couldn't think about it, because he was being steered away.

He giggles at himself and goes to sit in Maitimo's lap and hug him, and along the way he opens up the possibility of refusal and lets it stay open this time, and he feels himself falling deeper in love yet again. It's just - so Maitimo, and so perfect and so lovely, the way he thinks, his conclusion and how he reached it...

"I love you," he says. "So much. Forever."

They should talk, probably, in more detail, about what this means for them and how things are going to change because of it. Taliar can feel his mind shifting under the surface of his thoughts, getting ready to reshape its parameters in response to the change in circumstances, and he wants to make sure that the new shape is the right shape, that it's one they're both happy with. But he's not going to get stuck in any irrevocable changes in the next hour, and right now he really, really wants to sit in Maitimo's lap and hug him and kiss him and - he almost feels like his soul is in Maitimo's hand already, that's how deeply and profoundly he is falling in love all over again right now, but he definitely wants to put it there, except he is too busy kissing him to get it out of its pouch.

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Doesn't mean anything, nothing needs to change. I will probably be distressed if a lot of things change, I like how things are.

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I like how things are too, says Taliar, hugging him, his excitement somewhat blunted by Maitimo's reaction. It's a change but it doesn't need to be a big change. I love you and I - don't want to take anything away from you, don't want to make you unhappy.

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Of course, he says. Forever.

He closes his eyes and hugs Maitimo again, still feeling so in love it's almost like his soul is -

- no. His soul is reacting. This is his love for Maitimo finally getting the recognition it deserves.

He's joked a few times about becoming a god. He was underestimating the depth of his love. What Taliar is becoming is a thing that laughs at gods.

At first the golden glow just barely shows through his soul's pouch, and then the gold is joined by silver and the silver by blue and it gets brighter and brighter and the light is welling under his skin, he's turning into a piece of the sun - brighter, brighter, he's shining like the Trees at Mingling - brighter -

He loves Maitimo so much. And now his soul does too. Love flows with the blood in his veins and the breath in his lungs. He is made of love, incandescent with it. The sensation is indescribable. It's like being on fire, or being fire. It's the most beautiful thing in the world. Every thought he has ever had about Maitimo, all the pain, all the joy, he feels it all at once, and he is glad of all of it, he doesn't regret a thing. His love for Maitimo fills his soul with light. Maitimo is the most important person in the world to him - Maitimo is his world.

With the power surge, his soul makes a few adjustments. Maitimo's privacy exception to his osanwe was a good start, but it's not enough anymore. He shouldn't be bound to range limits. He should be able to find Taliar's mind at any distance, under any circumstances. And Taliar's soul feels that now is the time to start protecting itself against being touched - but not from Maitimo, never from Maitimo. Taliar's mind and soul should be open to Maitimo forever, irrevocably, as permanent as his immortality and for the same reasons. Maitimo can touch Taliar's soul whenever he likes, and while it is in his hand, he can choose who else it is and is not protected against.

If he let out his healing aura to its full range right now, it would cover the whole surface of the planet.

He leans on Maitimo and laughs helplessly, still glowing like a small huggable sun, casting an exquisitely beautiful light on everything else in the room. Oh, my love - I'm sorry, I guess it's turning out to be a pretty big change after all - love you, love you, love you forever, light of my soul, joy of my heart, I'm yours, I'm all yours -

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Um.

 

And he soaks it all in for a moment - confused, that is most of what he is feeling, confused, he wasn't trying to be a better person, just a more - 

 

- something that laughs at gods and shapes itself to be vulnerable to him, forever -

 

the Enemy, he whispers, the Enemy, Taliar, can you kill him now -

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As soon as he asks, Taliar can feel the seeds of the new power beginning to grow.

Three days, he says. That's one restriction I haven't outgrown, I guess. I, um, I should figure out how to stop glowing, we should act like nothing's changed -

With a bit of effort, he manages to get the glow to fade from his body. His soul is still significantly brighter than it was, but not to a degree that would be obvious outdoors in broad daylight through the pouch.

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Stay, he says vaguely, clinging a bit.

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Forever. Forever, says Taliar, hugging him tightly. Love you forever. Yours forever.

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And he takes another minute to put his thoughts in order and then - good. So is that a yes, for tonight?

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Maitimo my love, I would like nothing more right now than for you to take me to bed and do exactly as you please with me. If you insist, I will even eat dinner first, because I love you so.

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Maybe this once we can do dinner later. And what pleases him is to pick up his Taliar and carry him off and hurt him just to check that he still can.

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Hurting Taliar: still works fine. And Taliar grins at him and loves him with radiant intensity.

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And the scars on Taliar's back are still there. He holds him still and traces them with one finger.

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The letters glow softly under his hand, deep blue like a clear summer sky. Taliar's soul approves of them.

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Taliar's soul has excellent judgment. He is starting to feel outright fond of it.

 

I want you to tell me yes, he says, I want you to beg me for everything...

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Yes, says Taliar, yes, anything, do whatever you want with me, touch my soul, sing me trust songs, tie me down and put my eyes out, I'm yours, I'm all yours, my love, I want to give you everything.

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His soul is now astonishingly bright. He takes it.

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It shines even brighter in his hands; its light spills through his fingers with tangible warmth.

And Taliar's mind is ablaze with love.

He is so, so happy and he loves Maitimo so, so much and he wants to express this feeling every way he knows how, wants to drown in it forever, wants Maitimo to kiss him and hold him and hurt him and have him and keep him - it's so beautiful, everything is so beautiful, there has never been anything more perfect than this, Maitimo is without question the best thing that ever happened to Taliar, and Taliar is so incredibly glad to be his.

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Gosh, if he'd known it would be like this - 

- he lets go, so he can do that, all of it, and Taliar can feel it -

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Coming out of that contact, Taliar can't seem to stop laughing with sheer delight. His thoughts are a mess but the clearest thing in his mind is love, and the second-clearest is want.

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