This post has the following content warnings:
Taliar in Evil Arda
+ Show First Post
Total: 3471
Posts Per Page:
Permalink

It's not want to be. he snaps a little frustratedly.

Permalink

But - wasn't that the exact phrase he used - Taliar isn't sure what to do or think, so he defaults to hugging Maitimo some more and settling himself into the calm of love and trust.

Permalink

And he stares at the wall for a while and then says you can go get some sleep.

Permalink

Thank you. Goodnight. Love you forever.

He goes to bed, and has good dreams.

Permalink

There is a kind of evil king in stories who kills people who've saved his life and been loyal to him, either in a moment's annoyance or because it is precisely those you are fond of who you cannot trust. There is a kind of evil king who no one would raise a finger to help, because coming to his attention is dangerous -

 

- he is not that kind of King, he would be disgusted at the notion -

 

- he is, rather obviously, that kind of lover - 

Permalink

Taliar wakes up in the morning and goes about his day. He's finding this healing tour very fulfilling, but he has a lot more to think about today.

That was - weird, last night, when Maitimo snapped at him. He feels a little unsettled about it. Clearly he's missing something, but by the nature of missing things it's hard to tell what the thing is while you're still missing it. He doesn't like that he upset Maitimo, but he doesn't know what he could've done differently, doesn't know what the underlying problem was. It's true that he probably should've guessed that Maitimo was unlikely to ignore a hypothetical refusal under the circumstances, but guessing on that kind of thing is dangerous, if he'd made the guess and believed it and then turned out to be wrong it would've ended very badly for him, and he is clearly not an all-knowing oracle of what goes on in Maitimo's head...

Also, he's still feeling a little off from yesterday's daffodil encounter. Nowhere near as bad, but nowhere close to good.

All together, it makes for a somewhat pensive Taliar arriving at dinner that night.

Permalink

Maitimo is happy to make polite conversation and eat.

Permalink

Polite conversation over dinner is pleasant and soothing!

And then Taliar sits in Maitimo's lap and leans on him and - isn't sure what to say, so he doesn't say anything.

Permalink

I apologize for snapping at you last night. That wasn't called for.

Permalink

Taliar smiles and hugs him. It's a bit of a weight off his mind, no longer feeling like he has to figure out how he could've avoided that.

Apology accepted. I love you.

Permalink

Tonight - yes or no -

Permalink

He's better prepared this time, and so manages not to be afraid of the question.

When he checks... it comes out a little closer than last night, but still a clear no.

Permalink

Maitimo tugs him around and looks at him consideringly.

Permalink

Taliar looks at him consideringly right back. He almost has the urge to ask if Maitimo is okay, but it's not exactly that something seems to be wrong, it's that something seems to be going on and Taliar doesn't understand it and it feels weird to be this disconnected from the person who is most important to him out of all people in this world.

Permalink

I want you, he says after a moment, unhappily. I want you and it feels - unsafe - to say that doesn't matter, feels like nothing's real, if whenever you're in my arms you can be as far out of my reach as you please 

Permalink

...Taliar hugs him.

I love you. I don't... I don't know what to... I can try to rebuild so checking and finding a no doesn't actively make it worse, so you can ask without changing the outcome, but I'm not sure how I'd do it... I don't want you to feel unsafe.

Permalink

I know. And I want you to get to ask to feel unsafe.

Permalink

Hugs.

I love you. I feel like there has to be a solution that works out for both of us here...

He thinks over the parameters of the problem. Maitimo wants him, but doesn't want to rape him, and Taliar's hypothetical consent is not available right now, and this is making Maitimo unhappy. What parts of this situation can he change? Trust songs...? No, he can't manage trust songs. But - maybe he could get settled enough to hand Maitimo his soul and have a pleasant time being too lost in his emotions to notice his body. And Maitimo could tell him about it afterward. Does that sound like it works? he asks, already reaching deliberately for feelings of comfort and safety.

Permalink

 

I don't think so. I don't think I'd be happy if your soul just didn't grant you immunity to mind-control, even though then I could get you in the mood whenever I liked - might have taken me a lot longer to get frustrated, admittedly. But the problem here isn't that it'll be too inconvenient to rape you.

Permalink

Okay.

Hugs.

So... what problem should I be trying to solve? Or should I not? I want - I want you to feel safe, I want you to feel like this is real, I want you to feel like you matter...

Permalink

Sometimes, when you're okay, you'll say I can do as I like with you -

Permalink

Yes, of course, he says. The vast majority of the time I fall somewhere in the range between content and actively delighted that you can do as you like with me. It's a gift I am happy to give you. I love you.

Permalink

Then I will just - not. Otherwise. Not - be the sort of person people wouldn't give this gift to in the first place. 

Permalink

...That sentence is a little hard to disentangle.

Permalink

Go to bed, Taliar.

Total: 3471
Posts Per Page: