"Unfortunately that skill, if it's a skill, is not transparent to me as having any parts besides 'be Chelish' - but - Cheliax is changing, so I'm not sure it's wise to focus on that skill to the exclusion of others."

okay yes she knows she’s pathetic and everyone else is much better than her at everything that matters and even the select who will graciously take being spat upon is like what is wrong with you how are you like this how did you not get better at this in your whole life in cheliax are you even chelish no chelish people are quite this pathetic  

She wants defend herself and say that she’s usually better than this, it’s just that she can only do one of “have useful thoughts” and “not be like this” and most days she doesn’t actually need to have useful thoughts so it’s fine except for how she wants to be able to cast more than cantrips again at some point - she can pull off being Chelish most days, she just couldn’t do being Chelish and have this conversation. But that’d be even more pathetic. Instead - 

“What are the skills you think are wisest to focus on?”

"...shaking off Hell, whatever form that takes for you. Is there a god you favor nowadays?"

"No." 

"If you don't want to take up a better religion I'm not sure where to suggest you start; I imagine there are - Rahadi philosophers or something, meditating on the Good without any specific divine model, but I don't know what they say, I'm sorry."

"Oh, I'm not - specifically opposed to taking up a different religion, I just... haven't thought about it much. Didn't seem like it would help with anything. Also... a lot of services are in old Asmodean temples and I don't like spending time here. Unless it's important." 

"That makes sense. They'll be remodeled over time, but not fast. I have heard a couple of street preachers, a Calistrian, a Sarenrite, there might be more but I don't know where you'd find them..."

"I think I don't understand how this... helps with going to Hell? Do you get points for listening to Good sermons? I can tolerate being in the Asmodean temple if it helps someone somehow. I'd just assumed there wasn't a... point, in trying for myself, because of the baby. Especially if I... spend a lot more time not able to take actions then most people. But sitting someplace I can do even when I'm... not fine. 

- seems easy enough to get the Abyss instead of Hell, if it's Hell in particular that the problem. I know Iomedae hates Hell in particular but I don't understand why. The Worldwound seemed pretty bad. Is it better to try to get the Abyss, if I get Abaddon? If the Worldwound is really closed then maybe that makes the Abyss less bad? Or... actually maybe it would be better if I let Abaddon eat me? If I'm Neutral Evil? Is that how that works?" 

"That... is how I understand it to work... Hell in particular is bad because it is organized and worth opposing because it is finite, the Worldwound was in fact very bad but the Abyss itself goes on forever with no end to the number of demons so while it might be desirable to establish a beachhead there someday its complete conquest is not likely feasible. I don't actually know if there is a standard recommendation from the Church about what choice to make if you find yourself having a choice, but it's - better to make your choices now when they can keep you out of the Lower Planes altogether. Listening to sermons, by itself, doesn't do it, but a good sermon is designed to - clarify to you within yourself how to attend to your conscience and pursue the good in whatever way makes sense to you...

"In Osirion, Abadar's country, they aim specifically for Lawful Neutral, and they're interested in how to make it more likely and more legibly likely that someone will make it, and they do statistics, scrying the dead whose lives they know more about to see where they wind up. They are trying to come up with a loosely standardized accounting of how much Good it takes in what forms to make up for common Evils. And one of the most common Evils is infanticide. If - I gave you their best estimate, in gold, it would sound insurmountable, but it's not, it's just - denominated in gold, and a lifetime aimed at the Good is more valuable than the gold."

“I am - bad at pursuing things. So it doesn’t sound like the sermons will help.” 

"...well, there's a skill to get better at, then."

“That’s… what I meant by seeming fine when not fine. Or. It’s all - kind of the same problem.” 

"Is it? Why can't you pursue something while not seeming fine?"

She opens her mouth to explain, but this is just too mortifying. 

She stammers for a few moments, and then settles on a shrug. 

"You don't have to tell me, or anyone, but if you can figure it out for yourself it might be important."

“ - I - I - I -

I’ve been trying.”

Nod nod. "What have you been trying?"

Another shrug. 

"Sometimes there is a - state of mind, that feels like trying, but doesn't have any steps. And if it's not working you might want to switch to a form of trying that has steps."

“ I - sometimes I can’t - anything - even if the steps are very small.” 

this might actually be worse than getting a beating

she wants to turn and run but she’s been using her mouth and not her legs and her legs feel more stuck than her mouth why did she come here why can’t she leave 

"I could go ask a paladin to lend you their anti-fear aura if you think that might help at all. It doesn't cost a spell slot as I understand it."

She nods. 

He goes and comes back with a paladin.

Who smiles reassuringly.

oh no