Oh, Midnight's having a hard time reading him; everyone else must have reacted much more viscerally. "I had to relearn facial expressions and do not do them by default, which is why I am reacting as if sort of bored."

Should he talk to the Findekáno. A happy conversation that will be, two horribly traumatized people curled up in different corners of the room, all of it Maitimo's fault - he wants to talk to a Findekáno, he wants to see one alive and well and whole, that doesn't make it a good idea. And it's not about him anyway and he can't evaluate whether interacting with this Findekáno will be good for the Findekáno- "I don't know if talking with him would help or not. I can't handle being touched, which might help, but I'm planning to kill myself as soon as they invent the means, which might make me not the best candidate."

Findekáno Findekáno - how many different ways can I invent to hurt you - but Midnight doesn't even believe he's hurt him at all - "Anyway, I might talk to him if we might be good for each other or something. I don't need to ask him to know if he's okay. He's not okay. I can't think if it's a good idea to try to make you understand -"

All of this 'I can't help you understand' is so infuriating - "That sounds like a really good idea, why would it be a bad idea -"

"The way I'd do it would be letting you read my mind but I'd need to be sure I'm not in Angband and I'm not sure. I don't think I'll ever be sure enough."

"Right. I'll - let him know you offered - did you offer -" This is a different kind of 'upset' than the other ones, and more upsetting. He turns around to go upstairs.

"I guess I did."

And he is still sitting there fixedly when Cam and Circle come downstairs. "I met the evil alt."

"You okay?"

"My options and my preference ordering over them has not changed."

"I don't know if I follow."

"It's a situation I could do something about if I were sure I wasn't in Angband. Whenever I'm presented with those I become slightly more convinced I am in Angband. But I'm kind of relieved. Means I didn't kill all those people."

"What would you do if you were sure you weren't in Angband-"

"Show him. Try to make him understand. We can't actually toss him to a Melkor, so -"

"That wouldn't be justified, no."

"But he genuinely doesn't understand and he needs to and yet I'm not willing to share private thoughts with someone who might be the Enemy."

"That's fair. 

Is there anything we can do -"

"Invent a way to kill a Vala."

"Okay. 

There are around a hundred million of you, should I expect to have to swing in and kill them all -"

"Would you?" he says hopefully.

"Yeah."

...no comment.

"Sorry," he says to Cam.

"I'll live."

"There are ways to resurrect people. Not here, but a lot of places in the multiverse. If you just find existence intolerable that's one thing but if it's about personal safety, helping us make the multiverse safe will help more - I need your family and they'd take it really hard -"

"I'm here, aren't I? If you need me, that's fine. Just - don't deliberately find uses for me so you have excuses to keep me alive."

"Okay."