"Zion National Park?" mouths Cam.

"He's from a single-planet Arda that turned into an Earth after everything that wasn't humans or a handful of Elves either died or went to Valinor. Listen, there are ten of your dad and ten of your brother Curufinwe upstairs working on technical problems, I'm sure they can fix your world given long enough," she says, changing her address from Cam to the Tyelcormo.

"The world is past the point of needing fixing."

"Shiny Tree Arda? Valinor and Endorë are an ocean apart?"

"They used to be."

"...why don't you sit down and get a drink from Bar and then we will figure out. Stuff." Like whether my alts being rapists is a persistent feature of Shiny Tree Ardas. 

"Can't get drunk, I'm on the clock."

"Time's stopped, but yeah, probably don't get drunk."

And he sits down heavily at Bar and says "I make minimum wage."

First one's free. Hot cider.

"The Arda turned into an Earth? I guess the maps we looked at weren't very precise - what the fuck -"

"Also there is like a coherent geological history of the Earth and single-planet Arda didn't look like Pangea."

"My Earth isn't an ex-Arda, I checked."

"Fuckload of divine intervention," he says. "The Valar and Morgoth had a continent-shattering slugfest and then humans offended Eru so he went ballistic and wiped a lot of stuff out and started over. And then I think Sauron's fall was also continent-shattering, or something - I was dead by then - and then fifteen thousand years later humans invented civilization again on their own. The dinosaur bones might just be Eru pulling some shit, I'm not sure."

"...okay. Well, my Earth's the same one as Edie's, maybe continental drift's different on yours and you just have a Zion National Park anyway for reasons, or Eru's just really good at falsifying evidence and some creationist museums are owed apologies..."

"Didn't pay enough attention to draw you any maps, sorry."

"It's okay."

"It's fine, we're demons. Any objects that have ever existed we can recreate."

"So Morgoth's dead? That's good!"

"It took six hundred years and there were quite literally ten survivors."

"Less good."

"Several of them then immediately committed suicide."

"Your world is shit," she observes, "but people come through Milliways from all kinds of universes and if you stay here long enough you could run into someone with magic that can resurrect people."

"...and time's stopped?"

"Yep!"