What the fuck.

He rereads it many times, floating in the air like a hologram except THAT IS NOT HOW HOLOGRAMS WORK. Looks around his little study. He's alone. "Anyone there? If this is a prank... it's a really well-executed one and I wanna learn how you did it."

Nothing happens. And continues to happen, until he gives up and taps the 'Y'.

Oliver Houston

"The Wizard"

LVL: 1 (0 / 200)

Stats

DOM: 15/180

SUB: 0/300

BOD: 13 (+)

LUV: 17 (+)

SED: 10 (+)

ART: 8 (+)

NOV: 13 (+)

WIZ: 10 (+)

Stat Points: 5

Money: 0

Status Effects: None

Description: Oliver Huston has been paraplegic all his life due to a malformation of his spine in the womb. While he's made a point of proving himself capable and a valuable human being in spite of the world's insistence to the contrary, he has not been able to filter out the constant messages from society that he is somehow "lesser". He has sought the more intellectual pursuits, and is gifted in them, but sometimes he does have to resort to fiction to escape the world he lives in. By taking the Wizard's Oath, he has chosen to pit himself against the forces of ennui, boredom, and despair. He will need all his ingenuity, wit, and *ahem* sexual prowess to save the world.

Spells

Wizard's Body (Lvl MAX | Passive): The One has taken away some of the inconveniences that prevent people from loving each other fully. You heal from all marks with a good night's sleep, ready for the next day's adventures. Venereal disease does not exist for you; neither do refractory periods, erectile dysfunction, or anorgasmia. You can't get anyone pregnant unless you want to. Arbitrarily large appendages can fit into any of your orifices. Other aspects of this spell depend on the BOD stat.

Wizard's Mind (Lvl MAX | Passive): The mental flexibility and resilience you need as a wizard. You are more able to accept the realities of your new world. You are able to bounce back from painful, upsetting, or bizarre experiences with relative ease. Rape can be anything from a recoverable trauma to a Tuesday afternoon, but it won't ruin your life. Other aspects of this spell depend on the LUV, SED, ART, and NOV stats. 

Wizard's World (Lvl MAX | Passive): Your world has just gotten a little more... magical. People are never too preoccupied to think about pleasure or love when you're around. Bystanders won't ignore what you do, but they're unlikely to ever stop you. Those who do intervene will find themselves changed. If you go far enough that an authority sees no choice but to intervene... they won't treat you as a simple criminal. Other aspects of this spell depend on the WIZ stat.

Manual // Character Stats

LVL/Level: The quantified totality of your power as a wizard. The effects of this characteristic go far beyond the five stat points you get per level and the one boon you get per five levels.

BOD/Body: Your physical characteristics, including but not limited to your physical attractiveness. As BOD goes up, your body will be able to enact more exotic events.

LUV/Love: You should love everyone, and the One isn't averse to giving you a little... push. Don't worry, it'll start out at a level you can handle.

SED/Seduction: Your ability to seduce others, pique their interest and arouse their desire.

ART/Art: Your ability to give others pleasure... or other sensations.

NOV/Novelty: There are many sources of love and joy. This measures how many of them you understand.

WIZ/Wizardry: The extent to which the world will bend-- or be bent by you-- to create situations in defiance of probability. Or, at higher levels, physics.

DOM/Dominant Energy: Based off SED and ART, powering spells that invoke power, control, or mastery.

SUB/Submissive Energy: Based off LUV and NOV, powering spells that invoke submission, surrender, or service. 

Manual // Character Stats // Level

At LVL 1 and 0% progress to the next level, you're at the very beginning of your journey.

You can increase your level by completing quests offered by your manual or by spreading love and joy throughout the world. The more difficult the challenge, the greater the rewards.

Manual // Character Stats // Body

Your BOD of 13 makes you a bit above average. You're cute, but you don't take care of your body. You know there are ways you could have exercised more, but you never bothered, and it never seemed important. Still, one should not discount beauty when it comes to attracting other people. 

You can increase this stat through exhibitionism and other acts which invoke the beauty and power of your physical form.

Manual // Character Stats // Love

The average teenage boy would be comfortable with a LUV of 20, so your LUV of 17 is about normal. And there are more interesting things than sex, right? At least, before it gave you magic powers. 

You can increase this stat by experiencing urges towards pleasure that are unusually intense or go on unusually long. 

Manual // Character Stats // Seduction

You've never really flirted. You don't trip over your words when you're talking to someone of the opposite sex, but you're no Don Juan. Still, when your goal is to seduce the universe into being better, a SED of 10 isn't quite going to cut it.

You can increase this stat by arousing the interest and desire of others and successfully pursuing them or being caught.

Manual // Character Stats // Art

You're not surprised by your 8 in Art. You've had sex maybe three times in your entire life, and you suspect at least two of those were pity fucks. Don't get discouraged, though, you will definitely improve on this! Work on it!

What do you do to improve this stat? Take a fucking guess.

Manual // Character Stats // Novelty

Living in the era of the Internet takes your NOV to 13, above average, but only because old grandmas are included in the average. You never saw much reason to learn about the perverted pleasures of the world, given how little interest you had in even sex. This might be about to change.

You can increase this stat by taking joy and pleasure in things you thought were painful or repulsive.

Manual // Character Stats // Wizardry

At a WIZ of 10, your world still mostly lies behind the dark cloud of the Lone Power. What happens to you may seem unlikely to others, but it won't break the boredom and bitterness they have about the universe... yet. Witnesses will reach for explanations other than magic, but they'll still notice the unusual events.

Manual // Character Stats // Dominant and Submissive Energy

In a different world, you'd have mana and hit points. 

And they'd refill just from you sitting on your ass doing nothing.

Lol.

What.

The.

Hell.

Is he in a fantasy game of some sorts? A wizard game? A sex wizard game? He's about to protest but he rereads then frowns thoughtfully. "Can I get an explanation? Of literally any kind more detailed than this?"

A sentence appears at the bottom. 

Magic does not live in the unwilling soul.

"You're literally offering me magic, trust me I'm not unwilling, I just—well, guess I'm adding stat points, aren't I?"

The purple text does not change.

Well... He doesn't like ugly numbers. He'll add two points to ART and then... three to LUV. He doesn't know what build he's going for, yet, but the first level's points shouldn't be that important, not if he's getting five points every level, right? Unless leveling up is super hard. It probably isn't, though.

Nothing happens. 

If he had wanted proof of the Erogame's powers, he probably should have raised BOD. Or SED. Something easily checkable. 

He may feel a slightly insistent warmth around his genitals. If there happens to be a mirror nearby, when he glances in it he'll notice that he's attractive.

Oliver waits a bit longer for—something, anything. But no, all he is is horny.

Well. He knows how to take care of that. He rolls back away from his desk then towards his bathroom, and happens to glance at a mirror, and—

—well.

Well.

The game seems to have made him bisexual. Either that or he became much prettier but he never did find men attractive in anything other than a vaguely abstract way. So maybe he should find some different porn than he usually goes for. He's already getting hard just from the thought of it—is that the LUV stat? A bit misnamed, if so. But he doesn't mind the effects. He's rubbing himself through his pants before he's closed and locked the door, but after he does he unzips and takes his cock out and—yep. Bisexual. That's a nice cock he has, there, its tip glistening with precum—he wonders what it tastes like, he never wondered before—he's not flexible enough to suck himself but that's suddenly a very appealing thought.

He grabs his phone and starts browsing—how does one look for gay porn? Maybe some major porn site has a gay porn section—aha, yes it does. He licks his lips, browsing for videos with his right hand while using his left hand to lightly stroke himself. He glances at the mirror again, and bites his lower lip at the sight—the game's right, he is rather cute, isn't he? Holding his dick, looking vaguely flushed with arousal, feeling vaguely naughty for feeling attracted to himself. Maybe twincest porn would be hot? He's not sure, perhaps he should start with something tamer. He glances down at his phone again and finds something cute with mild plot, two cute boys play fighting then jerking each other off...

He thinks he can spend some time here.

He may notice that he is much better at jerking off than he used to be. Almost as if an omnipotent being has granted him powers which, among other things, include an instinctive knowledge of how to touch cocks.

Is that ART? That's probably ART. This video is making him want to stick something into his ass, which is a first for him, at least in anything other than a clinical, scientific way. But it sounds unhygienic and also he cannot actually move his legs to do it, so, he'll just keep jerking.

He gets closer to his climax, and makes a conscious effort to pay attention to how it feels—not as someone being masturbated, but as someone masturbating. He feels the skin of his dick in his hand and looks down at the bulging shaft filling his hand. He stops jerking to take a good look at it, from various angles, rubbing himself lightly with his fingers. He pulls on his skin, pulling the foreskin all the way back, and feels a shiver go down his spine and stomach—

—he quickly fetches some toilet paper and comes into it, groaning slightly, his phone forgotten on the bathroom counter playing the porn video to no one.

Holy crap that was the best orgasm of his life.

Quest completed: Self-Care.

You can't love others without loving yourself.

Goal #1 complete: Cause yourself the most intense physical pleasure (in some domain) of your life. +15 XP 
Hidden goal #2 complete: Complete this quest before it's assigned. +5 XP

A spell has been unlocked by a special action! Giving yourself the best orgasm of your life has unlocked the spell Masturbate.

Your skill at masturbation has increased LUV by 1!

...ooh he can raise stats by doing stuff, right! And he has quests! But what the heck kinda spell is Masturbate, he already knew how to do that.

Well, the menu was, uh... "Manual, spells?" he tries saying out loud.

Masturbate: LVL 1, Active. 1 D | S / orgasm. 

Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it, but you can do it better than any of them. While this spell is active, you will have an instinctive sense of how best to touch yourself for exquisite pleasure and amazing orgasms. 

Overuse of this spell may result in unlocking the Wirehead spell cluster. 

Masturbating is a spell. That's ridiculous and awesome. "Okay, how do I get more spells?"

The Erogame is sure you can figure out how to get more spells if you try hard and believe in yourself. 

"...am I gonna have to go out and have sex? Of course I am. Why am I in a sex wizard game. Whatever, I hope I have better spells later." He would bounce if he could, but he, ah, cannot. So he doesn't. He finishes cleaning up and puts his dick away then ponders. "Do you wanna perhaps give me a quest? I'd love to get experience for going after some sex. It's not like I do that regularly or anything, I'm rusty, might need some help, you know..."

Quest available: Try Hard And Believe In Yourself!

Find three quest-givers. Your quest-givers may be people or objects. Different quest-givers may lead to very different kinds of quests and types of spells.

Success: Six quests. 
Failure: Unlock the Wirehead spell cluster. 
Accept: Y/N

"You're making fun of me, aren't you? I know you are. I know your game. How do I even fail at this? Is there a time limit of some sort? Surely you're gonna throw quest-givers at me eventually if I just roll around the sidewalk." He taps the 'Y'.

Quest available: Wizard, Heal Thyself

The frontiers of magic have not been mapped, and many maladies cannot yet be fixed. Develop a spell that will cure paraplegia.

Success: +10,000 XP, +4 BOD, +$100,000, the ability to walk
Failure: Acquire status "Wheelchair Woobie"
Accept: Y/N

He stops rolling and stares at it. "Are you fucking with me? You're not. You're being serious. Right? You're being serious?—you're probably not a person. Probably. Who knows what you are." He gingerly taps the 'Y' again.

The purple text disappears. It does not appear inclined to comment on how serious it is. It also does not appear inclined to give Oliver a new quest unless he goes out there and gets it himself.

Yeah, that's fine. Alright.—oh, wait, he forgot his phone in the bathroom.

...and now he's acutely aware of how annoying it is to be wheelchair-bound. He was having a good day, he had barely thought of it at all. He's not likely to complain at the game about it, though, it reminded him by telling him he can be cured. With magic. He doesn't have the first clue how he'll do this but he bets sex is going to be involved.

Sigh. Roll roll roll to phone, roll roll roll to wallet, roll roll out, lock the door, call the elevator.

The elevator has a woman in it who is unusually scantily clad for Oliver's apartment building. 

He blinks. "Good afternoon," he says, smiling up at her and rolling into the elevator. "Pardon me for the inconvenience."