This has gone quite far enough. Thus far Alfirin has only murdered people over it where the law gave her a reasonable excuse to, but that's still at least one person dead who didn't have to be.

The Church can keep its secrets. It cannot keep his.

To the people of Westcrown and all the Iomedaen faithful of the world:

Recently word has reached me of the publication in Westcrown of a section of the Acts of Iomedae previously lost in this age of history, concerning Alfirin the ally and companion of the eventual Goddess, and of the rumor and speculation that has proliferated in its wake. I write to the people of Westcrown concerning the truth of these rumors, that they may not in repeating them inadvertently promote heresy or dissent within the Faith of Iomedae.

It is already known to some of you that I was born more than seven hundred years ago, in the year 3951 A.R., having been turned to stone in the thirty-ninth year of my life by an ancestor of the diabolical Thrunes, and returned to life only with the recent downfall of that House. I have been a follower of Iomedae my entire life and am intimately familiar with the text of the Acts as it was in that ancient era, before any deletions or modifications had been made, and am also somewhat familiar with the secular history of the Shining Crusade commissioned and authorized by Iomedae herself, now altogether lost. The accuracy and integrity of my memories, up to a reasonable expectation of mortal fallibility, has been confirmed by the Goddess Iomedae herself via Commune with a priest of her Church.

It is by this authority that I tell you that the recently published passages, although genuine as the Church affirms, are incomplete, and misleading in their incompletion: in truth, Alfirin returned to the service of the Shining Crusade a handful of years after the end of her personal relationship with Iomedae. She became an archmage shortly after the death of Arazni, and was the close, invaluable, and trusted ally of Iomedae throughout the entire period that the latter was Knight-Commander of the Crusade, although no hint of personal intimacy between them is recorded in any history with which I am familiar. She departed Iomedae's service immediately after the defeat of the Whispering Tyrant, and appears no more thereafter in any history, nor do I know anything of her later activities or ultimate fate that has not been designated secret by the Church of Iomedae.

Neither the Church of Iomedae nor I disapprove of amorous relations between women in their generality. However, the use of the term 'Alfirinic' to refer to such relations, and the veneration of Alfirin as a Chaotic Good goddess of the same, strike me as both dangerous to the integrity of Iomedae's faith and insulting to the memory of a cherished friend and ally of the mortal Iomedae. In truth there is no evidence that she was any more concerned with such than any number of women even within the armies of the Shining Crusade, and I can say with rather great certainty that she was neither Chaotic Good nor a god. Her alignment is not known to history, owing to her long habit of concealing it carefully even from her closest allies, but the consensus of historians in the era of my birth was that she was most likely Lawful Evil, although she is not recorded to have committed any obviously iniquitous acts. Furthermore, while her ultimate goals and motives were obscure, she had at times made known her general opposition to the power that the gods wield over mortal kind. It is possible that she ascended to godhood at some point to further her own strange purposes, but I think it unlikely that, even in such case, she would wish to be worshipped.

I swear before holy Iomedae, and before all the gods of Law and Good, and upon my own honor, that all these words here written are true.

     Alfonso Antoninus Iomedae Blanxart, Archduke of the Heartlands, &c.

Below this he affixes the Archducal seal, and below that the attestation and seal of the priest of Abadar who truth-spelled him about the contents of the letter.

He might be putting himself in danger by writing this, of course, but his own model of Alfirin is much less moved to murder by the revelation that she existed as an Evil archmage than by speculation that she's a Chaotic Good goddess of love.

She is so lucky she didn’t actually name Eiseth in “ON THE VIRTUES OF ALFIRINIC LOVE”.  And serves that bitch right for stealing her ideas about Alfirin disguised as Eisethia.  She didn’t appreciate the beauty of Alfinic love anyway.  Anyway, seeing the more recent decrees and claims and such, she’s changing tactics… it won’t sell as well but it will let her keep her head…

THE TURBULENT LOVE OF ACAZNA AND FINARIL (Part 1)

Long before Azlant established itself under the Gods Amazen and Acazna, when Acazna was a mortal woman, she had a right hand and lover Finaril, herself a potent Enchantress, but their love was not to be, for Finaril was Lawful Evil…

[The pamphlet is longer than most at several pages, front and back and has Acazna as a thinly veiled take on Iomedae (except Chaotic Neutral) and Finaril as a mix of Lady Eriape and Alfirin.  There is some foreshadowing that Amazen will conspire to replace or usurp Finaril’s place as Acazna’s lover and lots of ironic comments about Azlant’s future fate.  It ends on a cliffhanger with Acazna finding out about a dark necromantic ritual Finaril has undergone on Amazen’s advice.]

Is Amaznen here supposed to represent Aroden, or—?

Maybe he's too used to analyzing everything as elaborate satire, but he's pretty sure it wasn't like that.

EVEN MORE TRUE* HISTORY OF THE SHINING CRUSADE

Iomedae: O my Dear Alfirin, I cannot Love You any longer, for I Fear that you shall become a Vile Lich.

Alfirin: O my Dear Iomedae, I am Wounded! Would you Flee from my Touch only because my Hands are Cold?

Iomedae: Liches are not only Cold but Evil.

Alfirin: But I am Already Evil.

Iomedae: That May Be, but a Living Mortal is capable none the less of Redemption, and of Love, for Good and Evil dwell in every Living Heart. With a Vile Lich this is Not So.

Alfirin: You fear that by Great Magics I shall make of my Former Self an Inhuman Mockery, Incapable of any Love?

Iomedae: Yes.

Alfirin: Certainly One Of Us is planning to Do That.

"Oh, Carlota, they found out about our Secret Love!"

Alexaera, in defense of my honor or for many other reasons I need you to kill a LICH,

Uuugh liches are complicated.

"Your majesty, can you help me deal with a lich?"

"The mad badger-lich? Or a real problem?"

"The badger."

"It's on my to-do list."

"I can help you kill a lich but I think cannot make it stick right now."

A new pamphlet appears, formatted in a manner so as to look like the more tawdry books with woodcuts recently in circulation, with contents not visible until opened:

Historical Documentation of Bedroom Conversations between a Paladiness and Magess of Identity Unknown

Translated into Modern Chelish Vernacular by the Patronage of ALFONSO VIDAL proud proprietor of ALFONSO'S ARMS AND ARMOR

Interior. Night. The Past. A tent in a Crusader's War Camp, where in our Two Subjects, who bear Markedly Little resemblance to Any persons Living, Dead or Ascended, can be found Reclining in Loving Embrace.

Enchanting Enchantress:
Despite the flames of Young Naive Love that fill our Earnest Youthful Hearts I sense something Troubles you? Is it the Crushing Moral Urgency of war against Hell?

Wilful Warriatrix:
No, not this time. That remains at its usual Dull Background Roar. In truth it is a Silly and Human thing, I shall not Trouble you with it.

Concerned Conjurer:
Please Do tell me your Fears My Love. I love your Human Foibles and Imperfections, and coming to understand those Deepens our Loving Bond. If, theoretically, you were ever to Reject those parts of Your Self or Lose them All Together I might be inclined to Flee our crusade and fight monsters in Distant Mysterious Tian, Until upon Slaying an Infernal Rat Demon God, I felt strong enough to face you again.

Or, if all Hope of Reunion were Lost To Me, to use my Powerful Magicks to Scour all mention of myself from the Records and Memories of Mankind. And then Cast Myself Bodily Unto the Heavens, to Dwell Alongside my Goddess. Where I might look down upon the Nation of your birth with Tearful Pride. Hypothetically.

Perfection Seeking Paladin:
Those Oddly Specific fears aside my beloved, it is a Trivial Concern that I am vexed with, which should be Far Beneath the Dignity of a Paladin of HOLY LORD ARODEN, who is Alive. But I, being a Mortal, I have not had my Vanity scoured from my soul in the Holy Fires of Heaven. And thus I look upon my Armor and Despair at it.

It is Practical, Well Made, and Utilitarian, befitting a Paladin's Virtuous Modesty. Alas it is made to Standardized Design, tailored to my Predominantly Masculine Fellow Paladins. As such it does not convey my Feminity through Tasteful Decoration or Subtle curvature, As I might like. As, while some women of our Romantic Disposition may delight in a Traditionally Masculine Aesthetic, and this is of course Good For Them. Any Priestess of Shelyn or Desna will tell you, with great Patience and Politeness in response to your Well Meaning Inquiries, that this is not a Universal Trait. And at times by Heart Yearns for Higher Standards of Aesthetic Worksmanship.

Adoring Abjuratrix:
Of course, that is well Known to those of Cosmopolitan Sensibilities who have A Breadth of Appropriate Cultural Knowledge outside Infernally Polluted Realms.

I only Regret I had failed to Observe your Discomfort, my Valiant Love. As a Wizardess I am constitutionally unsuited to the wearing of Light or Heavy Armor, no matter what Surprisingly Light Materials and Breathable Fabrics might be used in it's Construction. So I have never needed to decide between Wholesome Expression of Feminity and Protective Properties.

But do Not Fear my Love. I have seen many Merchants, especially those of the Port District, advertising "Female Adventurer Armor", let us bring Our Good Trusting Custom to them!

Charmingly Straightforward Servant of Aroden:
I do not Fear. Ever. I am a Paladin.

Fondly Exasperated Evocatie:
I use the term rhetorically love.

Chastened (not chaste) daughter of Cheliax:
Ah. Regard Less, I appreciate the Care and Affection you demonstrate towards me. But such Avaricious Merchants of the Port District that advertise "Female Adventurer Armor" are Charlatans and Braggarts, who know neither the Needs of a Practical Adventurer or those of a Elegant Woman.

For such So Called Armors that they sell are of little use, with Impractically Deep Curvature in the Chest Region, and a lack of Suitable Covering of Vital Areas. Were I to Wear such Foolish Garments a blade would be Unerringly Guided to my Heart. Or my Unnecessarily Exposed Skin scored by Infernal Blades. And their Aesthetic Sensibilities lack Appropriate Sophistication and Elegance for a Discerning Consumer.

Illustrious Illusiene:
While I see the appeals of Curvature and Visible Flesh, given my Mortal Nature and Chaotic Inclinations, I cannot deny they would not Serve Your Purpose in the Fight Against Evil. Alas it seems like in this Heroic but Primitive Age we live in there are no Respectable Merchants of Discerning Character who sell Arms and Armory that Perfectly Balance Tasteful Ornamentation with Practical Protection and Manuverabilty.

Saddened Swordswoman:
Alas I Fear the Existence of such a Fine and Upstanding Merchant is a Foolish Hope, that could only be achieved in Some Far Distant Age of Glory. No Matter. My desire for such Exceptional Quality Goods, like all Mortal Desires, I shall Suppress until I am Cleansed of it in the Holy Fires of Heaven and Perfected.

Prophetic Divinatra:
What a Tragedy it is that you must Suppress such Normal Human Desires. For, as Shelynite or Desnan Priestesses will Patiently Explain Upon Request, asking only a Modest Donation, the Desire to Express Oneself through ones Appearance and take Wholesome Pride in Doing so is Wholly Good and Natural, and Healthy. Even for a Paladin.

It is Truly Tragic that the lack of Honest Merchants and Craftsmen able to Employ Expertise From Across Avistan to Perfectly Balance Form and Function, with The Latest Innovations in Anti-Infernal Protections, and Tasteful Feminine Decorations, or Subtle Alterarations to Profile and Shape, will lead you to reject that part of your Humanity.

I only Hope this is not Symbolic of a Wider Rift that will Tragically Tear Us Apart.

Well Meaning yet Oblivious Servant of Heaven:
What was that Honey? I was thinking about ways to Destroy Hell with Holy Fire. Sorry. I get distracted sometimes.

Tired yet affectionate Transmutationatrix:
I know Dearest. I know. Let us Enjoy the time we have together in any case. Join me in our Humble Camp Bed beneath the Stars.

Subsequent events being of Little Interest to readers of Refinement and Circumspection, our Excerpt Ends.

While our Unnamed Heroines may have been Tragically Torn Apart by the Demands of Duty, such a Cruel Fate does not have to Trouble the modern Alfirinic Couple for

ALFONSO'S ARMS AND ARMOR

Of Liberation Street (Not Dispater Alley) is a Righteous supporter of our City's Alfirinic Community.

And as such is Providing a Special Offer for Alfirinic Couples, with a Reduction in price of up to 10% when purchasing Arms and Armor together.

Whether you need the Heavy Plate of a Paladin, or Light and Breathable Casters Robes our staff of Cosmopolitan and Knowledgable Staff will be Delighted to Assist.

Out of Dedication to the Cause of the Divine Lovers Tragically Torn Asunder, for the duration of this Most Holy Month of Sarenith, we are offering a selection of Matching or Complementary Colour Schemes for Tasteful Decoration, for No Additional Cost.

Glory to Lady Iomedae. Glory to The Immortal Star Wanderer Alfirin. Praise to our Just and Good Queen.

---

Offer available to Parties of Exactly Two Customers of Feminine Persuasion, both in Simultaneous Attendance, in Person (Letter or Scry not Accepted at This Time) Purchasing Armors or Armaments totalling above 500 Gold, in Cash, or Direct Account Transfer officiated by a Registered Cleric of Unimpeachable Abadar.

Demonstration of Alfirinic Disposition is NOT required. Trusting to the Certain Knowledge that the Curse of Virtuous but Loveless Iomedae and the Lonely Wanderer Alfirin would fall on any who sought to Falsely Claim this Generous Offer.

Enchantments sold separately.

So is Alfonso willing to give a loving couple psycosexually entangled pair of creepy nuns a good deal on caster's robes, chain mail, and a great sword?
In the color scheme "we're moving to Geb if they the convention outlaws necromancy".

Also, can they have the rest of the story for um reasons.

I can't believe the Chelish Constitutional Convention advanced from Summon Moderate Cringe to Summon Serious Cringe.

What I can’t believe is that you speak so negatively about advancements in spellcasting. For shame.