though not as good as other days
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"I know," Valia hurries to assure her. "But - it's not just you, right, you're not the person running the trial -"

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"I know the prosecutor and I know the judge. I promise you, they just want to figure out the truth. We are happy to let people go, if they're innocent. The Queen ordered Victòria and Alicia both released, just like I promised you she would. Because you were cooperating, and it was important to you, to keep them safe -"

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"It is important to me to keep them safe. And I'm so glad the Queen released them. And I trust you that you're trying to do the right thing. But - so is the Lord Marshal. And I should've listened to the Church more earlier than I did. So I don't want to sign a confession when he told me not to."

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"I'm going to try to get this straightened out with him but I'm worried there won't be time, before the trial, and then I'll be in a lot of trouble for ruining the trial and making it impossible for it to be fair or accurate."

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"I'll tell everybody that it's not your fault, it's just that I'm trying to listen to the Church more like I should've done all along."

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"Valia, I really need this from you. We worked on it together for a long time. You know every word in it is true."

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"I know. But - it's not like I'll lie at the trial. I'll just - be able to explain things a bit more."

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"We can edit the confession to explain things a bit more. What did you want to explain more?"

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"Lluisa thought it was stupid of me to say I was guilty of anything, because - that's what the court decides, and how would I know, I'm not a lawyer. When I read the laws I thought I was following them. So we could edit it to, 'some people have explained to me that they think this makes me guilty'?"

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"That's not a confession, Valia. That's back to the avoiding-responsibility, nothing-was-my-fault-if-I-didn't-specifically-mean-it-to-happen nonsense that you were doing when we first talked! You're better than that!"

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"Oh, it's definitely my fault, but - morally. I don't know if it's my fault legally, right, because I'm not a lawyer. I am fine with saying 'morally I am at fault for all of these things that happened though I have no idea whether I bear any legal responsibility for them'."

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"That's still not a confession! That's 'well, I'll admit to some responsibility so long as it's not the kind I can get in any trouble for'."

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"I hope they hang me, if I'm guilty! I'm not trying to evade responsibility! I am trying to avoid lying and if I say I know I'm guilty under the law I'd be lying because I don't know that!!"

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"You knew that full well yesterday. What happened since then is that the Queen, generously, because you were cooperating, released your friends, and asked us not to charge you with treason. Two kindnesses she did you, just because you were cooperating with her, and now you're going to betray her?"

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"I'm not - I don't - I'm very very grateful that she did that and if - if she did it on the condition I sign the confession then I will. ..but I want to put that at the top, where we said my reasons for signing the confession, I want to say that I'm signing it because the Queen released my friends in the expectation I would sign it."

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"That's not how that section works, you can't talk about the Queen's decisions there."

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"Why not? That section's - inaccurate, if we don't say that, because I'd only be signing against the advice of the Church because the Queen wants me to in exchange for releasing Alicia and Victòria. It's not really about the reasons we wrote down last time."

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"It's just fantastically impolite to the Queen, to imply she made a deal with you. It'll make people angry with her, for being too lenient."

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Valia feels like she has a horrible headache of some kind. "Well...the Queen shouldn't do that, if she doesn't want people to think she did that!"

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"That's not how being a Queen works, Valia. Queens make all kinds of decisions they can't afford for everyone to gossip about. You know you don't know anything about the pressures the Queen is under."

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"I don't. 

 

 

 

Did you read my mind, to learn Alicia and Victòria's names?" She remembers the absolute conviction that was this woman, though she now feels vaguely embarrassed to have suspected her. 

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"Of course not. We just asked the other people on your committee."

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"Oh. Sorry for accusing you."

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"Valia, you keep going halfway to taking responsibility for your actions and then turning around and deciding you don't have it in you. I don't understand. I don't think it's cowardice. But I can't make any other sense of it."

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"I just told you! I am responsible, morally, for what happened. I am not sure if I am responsible legally for what happened, and I am going to explain everything to the judge so he can figure that out, and the Church thinks that the confession doesn't actually help with that, and -" retracing the conversation in her mind - "only helps you hang me."

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