"Do you want to find out?"

"If they can't turn it off it is probably important to at least get used to it to the point that I don't drop spells when one walks by."

"They're not usually that hard to avoid, if you turn out not to like it don't torture yourself, but yes. I'll go see if that one's busy."

He catches up to the paladin while he's deciding whether he wants a handful of nuts to go with his cheese and grapes, and the man agrees readily enough to help out; he stops just short of affecting Blai with his aura when he comes over, which is really too far to have a conversation without shouting. Raafi closes the distance, though: "This is Paladin Tibit, I've explained the situation to him and he's going to stay there while you give the aura a try."

Blai nods and steps forward.

So this is what not being afraid is like.

It doesn't feel like much.

That is to say, it's just an absence.  The not-fear doesn't have any weight of its own.

Also, it has deleted about three quarters of Blai's thoughts, and not replaced them with anything.

That's a large fraction.

Most of his thoughts aren't worth having, of course.  This is probably just picking out the worthwhile ones that aren't about being afraid.

So it's not objectively slowing him down much probably.

It's a lot like being slowed down, though, subjectively.

And on top of feeling slower he feels like he's interacting less with the process of thinking.

Usually he has to catch his useful thoughts as they go by, each accompanied by chaff he chooses to discard.

He isn't doing that part right now.

It feels sort of like he might have imagined not having free will would feel like.

Fearless.  Unencumbered by distracting emotions.  Thinking, because he is the kind of tool that must think, but not making decisions about the thoughts.

He is not afraid that he will one day become something like this forever.  He is not presently able to be afraid of that, or anything.

Maybe if he were immune to fear always, the way paladins are, he would get faster.  Maybe he would fill the blank spots that would once have been full of nervousness with content of value.

Maybe.  Maybe not.

It's not for always, though, it's only while the aura is lent to him.  He does not have the opportunity to learn to think more efficiently this way.

And he is - slowly, waiting for the thought to come unbidden, lacking any of the usual mental clamor to tear through in search of it, and reduced to passive observation of his mental state - he is aware that he does not like this.

Which is a feeling, and doesn't matter.

The fear that he's missing doesn't matter either.

Since neither of these things matters, that means it's up to him.

He steps back again.

Raafi's poised to catch him if he falls and Tibit is looking concerned, too. "You all right?"

"I don't care for the effect but I think I could concentrate on a spell through it now." He'll just have to sort of passively wait for the concentration on the spell to happen instead of clawing for it through a mess of snakes, but he can do that.

"Good, but are you all right."

"- I didn't care for the effect but I'm out of range now."

"That's as close to a yes as I expect us to get," he tells the paladin.

    "I'd really rather see him speak to someone about it than assume that."

Raafi nods and turns back to Blai. "Neither of us is going to insist, but I do think he's right that you should talk to a counselor about whatever that was."

"- I don't understand."

"That was... weird. In a way that suggests that something weird is going on, more than just you not liking the effect. And since we don't know what, we don't know if it's dangerous or not, or an ongoing problem that could be fixed, or... whatever. I'm tempted to take you to my counselor rather than a Pelorian but either of them should be able to at least make a reasonable guess about whether there's anything you should do about the situation."

"I am unclear on what I would be supposed to say to one but of course can be introduced."

"Mine will let me stay in the room with you and get you started, if you're all right with that. - Chaotic Good," he adds, to Tibit, who nods. "A Pelorian might too, but it's more at the individual's discretion and I don't know the counselors here."

    "We have a policy against it for first-time recipients, unfortunately."

"It's not going to be an issue that I'm Lawful?"

"You might find the advice less useful than you otherwise would, but for the basic purpose of figuring out if there's a problem at all, no."

    "Do you mind if I come along? I can wait outside, I just feel a bit responsible for the situation."

"You haven't done me any harm, sir."

"No, but if there's something to be fixed I might be able to help fix it."

"I am still pretty confused about what is so concerning but I suppose if I were enchanted or something then I would also be confused, so as you think best."

"Unfortunately I think I need to teleport us, my counselor is halfway across the city and we have other plans for our afternoon. If there is a problem and Select Blai is okay with you knowing about it I'll make sure you find out."

    "Fair enough. Be well, Select Blai."

"Thank you."

Raafi offers his hand for the teleport, and they're in a lushly decorated wooden room with a peach theme to the decor. A plump older woman - not so old as Raafi, perhaps in her late forties - in a brightly patterned sundress is sweeping the floor, and startles when she turns and sees them. "Raafi! I thought we were done with you for today. Is everything all right? Is this Blai who you were telling me about?"

"It is and that's what we're here to find out, can we go to your office?"

    "Of course. This way." She sets the broom aside and heads for the back.

"This is Luxuriant Katrianne, Kat for short, it's fine to skip the title. She's my counselor," Raafi explains quietly as he follows.

"Select Blai Artigas, good afternoon."

It's not far to her office, which is similarly decorated, with a desk and chair for her and a comfortable padded bench for her guests. She pauses at the door to let them through and closes it before sitting behind the desk. "So, what's worrying you," she asks, looking between the two of them.

Raafi doesn't wait to start explaining. "I'd left him at the Pelorian temple like I told you, and when I got back it turned out that the paladins' auras had been bothering him - he'd lose concentration on the spells he was casting - and he thought he just needed to get used to them, but when we tried that he just went blank, for like half a minute. He did come out of it on his own, but the paladin was worried, too."

Katrianne nods. "Does that sound like a reasonable description to you?"

"- well, I can't see my own face, but I agree that I at least didn't say anything for that half-minute. I don't think I will lose spells from paladin auras again in the future though."

"And that's your primary concern here?"