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"!"

Harry keeps his eyes trained on the road with a near-religious conviction. He is unlikely to stop blushing any time soon.
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That's okay. The blushing is adorable. Buttercup derives immense enjoyment from the blushing.

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Eventually Harry starts breathing again. "Uh. Sorry about. Freezing up like that. You're, uh, very pretty, but I wouldn't be... 'as you wish'ing about it yet."

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"I figured. You're adorable."

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"Thanks. I've been getting a lot of that, lately."

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"What, from people other than me?"

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"Not as such. People don't generally use words like 'adorable' about seven-foot-tall homeless-looking men with big sticks. It's the strangest thing."

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"I don't get it. You're totally adorable."

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"Feel free to spread the good news. Maybe you'll get people to stop calling the cops on me when I'm trying to save them from horrible monsters."

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"That sounds inconvenient, does it happen a lot?"

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"More than I'd like. I mean, it's understandable, I guess. Enormous man shouts 'Fairies are attacking! Get down!' and starts shooting things, there's some natural assumptions there. But it'd be nice to get the benefit of the doubt."

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"Maybe find something slightly more plausible to shout?"

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"I have tried that! I'm, uh, not very good at lying outright. I mean, I could lead with 'look out, he's got a gun!' but that doesn't exactly lead to fewer cops being called. And half the time they think I'm the one I'm talking about."

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"...I can follow you around and lie to people for you?"

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"You know, I might consider it. How are you at killing things? Because that's also part of the job."

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He shrugs. "I don't suck."

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"Well, there's an opening in my 'punching monsters and lying to cops' department if you want it. Pay would probably be kind of anemic, but you get to save people's lives and all."

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"Sounds like fun, I'm in," he says cheerfully.

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"I'll test run you sometime, maybe next time there's a ghost infestation in O'Hare and I have to carry a bag of depleted uranium and iron filings through airport security. Trial by fire and all."

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"Is that a thing that happened? That's amazing."

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"Oh yeah. Cavity searches, a thrilling adventure. I ended up getting my ass saved by the poltergeist manifesting and needing to be slain. The TSA guy apologized afterwards, I gave him some of my ghost dust in case another one showed up. That's the depleted uranium, it helps with the killing of ghosts."

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He giggles. "Good to know, I guess. Are ghosts a big problem or something?"

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"Not typically, no. They're usually pretty quiet, but when they are a problem they're very nasty and damn near impossible to kill without ghost dust or some enchanted weapon or other. There was this ghost that went around smothering babies, it was unpleasant. That's generally the kind I kill."

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"Why the fuck did this ghost want to smother babies so badly?"

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"Her husband was an abusive creep. Her baby started crying one night and she put her hand over its mouth to quiet it down so he wouldn't get mad, but she suffocated it by accident. That pushed her over the edge and she murdered her husband with an axe, then chopped off the hand that smothered her child. She was put in the chair, she popped back up again, but she'd already gone off the deep end, so all she remembered was her last moments. So she went around the maternity ward suffocating all the babies that cried."

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