If you are a biologically sexed female who has been impregnated with tentacle monster eggs, HAVE VAGINAL SEX WITH A MALE PARTNER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. This is not a joke or exaggeration or some sort of fucked up pickup line. AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
Alex's first thought on reading on that is euggh (and "but what if hypothetical girl!Alex would rather deal with permanent mindbreaky consequences then have sex with a guy??" even though that is objectively stupid).
And makes notes on recommended responses for spotting and/or being attacked by a tentacle monster, including distastefully, what to do if impregnated with tentacle eggs and it turns not having a womb doesn't prevent tentacle impregnation, and/or none of the potential options for becoming girl have a no womb option. (and also that he really shouldn't have expected the correct strategy to being attacked by some kind of magical pest to be "lay back and take it / have fun" even if that would've been a hotter way for reality to be.) and the phone number to call if one encounters a tentacle monster.
The dangers listed seem to be Lovecraftian- Madness, horrible curses, bleeding from every orifice, shadowy creatures murdering you, and the like.
That's basically what he should have expected, Alex won't be changing his policy on not wanting anything to do with Old Gods anytime soon.
Not an easily accessible and clearly explained one, at least. Maybe specters are more... Aggressive?
Being maybe more aggressive does not seem like it'd warrant an entirely different word for referring to them, but English has plenty of more ridiculous examples of that kind of thing, so Alex won't judge the author or whoever invented the ghost/specter distinction too much for it.
It's pretty incomprehensible, and the whole thing reads more like a history or theory book than an actual manual anyway. Apparently having a court position is something that supposedly grants you magical power, so long as you behave appropriately solemnly? And Daoism seems to be some kind of ancient alchemist thing?
The incomprehensibility is basically what he expected, and there being court positions that give magic if you act solemnly is wild if true. (and Alex is also now wondering whether they are any fantasies novel with a premise "court positions give you magic powers if you act appropriately" and makes a note to search that up later when at his computer.)
It claims to make you better at growing plants, gain plant-based sensory powers, become resistant to poison, hunger, temperatures, and disease, and that 'true masters can step into the worldroots'.
Neat! Alex isn't interested in growing plants or gaining plant themed sensory powers, but does make a note that if the other magic stuff turns out to work, and he can't find any better options for hunger/temperature/disease resistance he should track down and return to Cultivating Your Inner Garden.
No summoning is a guarantee. There are quite a variety, apparently? Often, demons don't want to bother with you. Imps are good for minor mischief or petty chores, and must be paid by indulging in their appropriate sin, or letting them so indulge. So, break something for Wrath imps.
Are there Sloth imps, and is being too lazy to do the chore you summoned an imp for or to even pay them, enough of an indulgence in the sin of sloth to count as payment (Alex does not expect this idea to work, but is curious about where it'd fail if Demonic Delights mentions anything like it)?
Harpies will pluck your enemies' eyes out, or carry you to safety, and one is advised to pay the promised fees in gold and silver promptly lest one suffer eye-plucking themselves.
Even if Alex had enemies he certainly wouldn't want to have their eyes plucked out, most situations he might want to be carried to safety from wouldn't leave him with the time or opportunity to summon a demon, and he's too attached to his eyes to risk having them plucked out for anything more frivolous, so he won't be summoning any harpies.
Hyssak build spiderweb-like arrays of sharp glass, which can have magical effects on a room, usually curses.
The Hyssak arrays sound pretty, but summoning one just to have them build some arrays for Alex to look at when he doesn't even have a room he wants cursed seems like a bad and possibly dangerous idea, so he won't (unless he ends up with a room he needs cursed for some reason).
Succubi are good at healing, including cosmetic surgery, take payment by having sex with the summoner (usually dozens of times, for something like healing a major wound), and are one of the most popular summons, as well as one of the safest if you negotiate properly. No permanent consequences to fucking a succubus, or so the book claims.
Succubi are good at healing, including cosmetic surgery
including cosmetic surgery
Does the book give any details on what kinds of cosmetic changes succubi can do? even if they don't explicitly do gender changes he'll definitely be trying to summon one later for the chance to get his face adjusted and fix various cosmetic blemishes the narration will not go into detail on. Do succubi have any specific additional requirements to summon them, or things they'd prefer when being summoned beyond just being paid in sex?
Pit Hounds are basically just immortal dogs; They eat a LOT, like ten pounds of meat per day, but are otherwise just... Dogs. Kind of hard to train, but not inherently malicious.
Demon doggos! Alex is unreasonably tempted to try summoning one even though most of the considerations against getting a dog still apply when the dog in question is immortal, and especially so when they'd eat a ridiculous amount a day.
There's plenty more. A few have stern warnings, but most sound safe-ish. Candles, drawn symbols, a sacrifice (preferably live, but store-bought chicken will do in a pinch) and a knife are all the physical accouterments needed.
Are there specific kinds of candles or materials to draw the symbols in that work best, or would any do? and would summoned demons be liable to get offended if summoned with store-bought chicken or is using a live sacrifice just for improving the odds of the summoning working at all? (Alex is a bit too squeamish to use live sacrifices, and would find it kind of mean to do when the summoning most likely won't even work.)
Craft magic appears to be about working in little slivers of magic as you make things by hand- Painting, weaving, sewing, pottery, whittling- Resulting in a magical object, if you did it right. It's related to the Japanese practice of ofuda. Most often the resulting object will just be better at what it is- A watering can never spills, an oven mitt never lets you be burnt. If you make art, though, and really feel it and take your time agonizing over it and pouring magic into the process, you can do all sorts of things. The examples given are a carved statuette that grows warm when 'trouble' is near, and a woven rug that prevents anyone who sleeps on it from becoming sick.
Neat! Alex isn't sure there's anything which he could maybe eventually craft which would be both fun to make and useful to have be magically better at what it is, but does make a note to maybe come back for *Paint Magic and Spirits Craft* another time.
It describes their habitats, lifecycles, appearances in popular mythology (if any), threat level, and what sorts of things their body parts are good for in a neat little table. It almost looks like it could be some sort of game manual, if an exhaustively creatively written one. Apparently the German Forest Rhinoceros are found in the forests of, well, Germany, and their horns can warn of upcoming earthquakes?
Cool, Alex is definitely getting this one, even if it's contents turn out to be unrelated to reality, it's still a fun and interesting read.
Lots of statements asking people not to panic over this or that. Formal denials of allegations that the President is a lizardman/puuchuu puppet/demon/etc. A CDC statement that 'protective charms' are not an adequate replacement for masks in a quarantine situation. A case study from the ATF on whether the drug 'Deep Pink' has a magical source or not.
Why would you confirm the President isn't a demonic reptilian puppet of the Puchuu when that would be much cooler then them being a regular human. What's the deal with 'Deep Pink' and why's it maybe magical according to that case study? does it turn the users skin pink? does overdosing turn one into a flamigo? or is it just another boring drug that happens to be pink and might've been manufactured with magic or something?
It's not explicitly gender-locked, but all the stated spells are to do with housework- Cleaning, cooking, mending, dealing with children, that sort of thing.
Most of those seem useful to have magic to help with!
It's something like a set of memoirs and a broad history claiming Magical Girls have been defending the innocent and keeping magic out of the hands of evil since before the middle ages. Magical Girls have secret identities, and apparently stay magical even as they grow older, though they usually retire from active hero-ing in their 20s. Puchuu apparently seek out those with potential all on their own.
Neat! does it mention anything on whether the Puchuu/Magical Girl's conception of what's evil and needs to be prevented from having magic changed over the centuries, or have their views on it remained relatively stable throughout history to Love and Justice?
After looking through the various books, Alex is tempted to get (in order of priority) Demonic Delights, Muncie's Magnificent Monster Matrix, Survivalist's Guide to Magic!, The Hedge-Witch's Housework Manual, Love and Justice.
What's the price of them all together look like versus just Demonic Delights and Muncie's versus what a brand new book would cost?