Smooch smooch nibble smooch.

"Tell me more about the creative ways in which you've killed people."

"Oh, I mean, sometimes I just poison them or gore them with my horn - I don't think you've seen me in my combat getup, come to think! - but, let's see, I got somebody's dogs to eat her, implanted some nasties in a transplant liver, he gave me my money before he actually died of it but I had this one fellow cripplingly attacked by crows and seagulls wherever he went and he did lose an eye and two fingers..."

She's drooling.

"Maybe I should hold off listing any more till we're back aboard the submarine, hm?"

"I, well, I was really enjoying that but you're the boss."

"I most certainly am, my pearl barley." Pat pat.

She opens up Eris on her phone

when she tells you about all the ways she's killed people swoon.jpg

spirulinagalaxy: oh dear
Mezzopiano: do NOT make me get the nickels

WHENEVER I complained about being single you guys were all like "oh that's terrible i'm so sorry i hope you find the woman of your dreams soon" but now i do and you're all like "oh no that's bad and wrong and stuff"

spirulinagalaxy: was I not clear enough that I thought possibly your women related dreams would eventually compromise on the murder thing
unicorn: I have given this some thought and I think it's good that k is shacking up with her murderer. anything that diverts murderer time to not murder.
the deadest piece of ironmongery: and you think k will be an anti-murder force on net here why?
Mezzopiano: Why are you a Christmas Carol reference, it's not even Thanksgiving yet

Nice job rubbing it in that you're better than me ms "I can recognize random lines from classic literature on sight"

Mezzopiano: It's a memorable line!
the deadest piece of ironmongery: it came up in spy's linguistics channel
the deadest piece of ironmongery: anyway I think k might easily encourage more murder than she displaces
unicorn: oh no

i wonder if mo could make some kind of ray gun or something that turns people's bodies into iron

then they'd be the deadest piece of ironmongery

spirulinagalaxy: seems out of her wheelhouse?

idk maybe it could be with like, bioengineered bacteria or something

can bacteria do that?

spirulinagalaxy: can bacteria do nuclear fusion? I don't think so
unicorn: maybe they can but I don't think they can do it in a way that makes it just look like somebody turned into iron

anyways if you guys are all mad about me condoning murder or whatever you should find me a gf who isn't a murderer

the deadest piece of ironmongery: how would that help? you're not free to go
unicorn: why do you think we uncovered a secret ability to do this in the last week, k

no i'm just saying i have needs

you wouldn't get mad at someone for stealing a loaf of bread because they were starving, right? 

same deal

unicorn: I would get mad at someone for stealing a loaf of bread because they thought it was sexy
the deadest piece of ironmongery: the bread or the stealing. which kink are we hypothetically shaming here
unicorn: shut up robin

just because you can't provide it via the welfare state doesn't mean it's not a real need!

unicorn: you're not going to die of not having a girlfriend! or of not doing murders!
spirulinagalaxy: I think as far as we know k has not actually done any murders her own self

It makes me WANT to die and that's only considered less bad because our society is in the iron grip of carceral psychiatry

the iron grip of carceral psychiatry: and now you are instead in the iron grip of a supervillain. in all seriousness it couldn't happen to a more deserving person.