"Do what, say - 'oh, Findekáno, I don't dare admit to myself that I want you so I'm just going to be vaguely awkward in your presence and have dreams and blush whenever anyone asks if we're sharing a room, do you want to go on my ship and learn about computers and eventually get an extended lecture about how much effort I will go to to make sure you are in no way inconvenienced by choosing not to fuck me -"

"I don't think you're engaging very sincerely with the hypothetical."

"I'm a bit overwhelmed by it. If you suggest concrete things I'll listen."

"Overwhelmed?"

"I have to do it all in one step and it'll be irrevocable and I don't know how he'll take it."

"Why do you have to do it all in one step?"

"- once I tell him I'm not going to give him orders anymore, if I don't also announce intent to stop mistreating him in any other way he'll just leave. I tried just - tapering off mistreatment while leaving the orders in place but it hasn't really advanced our relationship any - he appreciates it, but he still hates me..."

"Was the tapering accompanied by an announcement?"

"No."

"Is there a reason I'm missing why that couldn't help?"

"I'm not sure yet what I'm comfortable committing to, and I don't want to tell him something and then realize it's not going to work."

"You could tell him it's an experiment, although that does sort of violate the spirit."

"What I'd like to do is get everything lined up and then - apologize, tell him I'm releasing him, tell him the terms on which I'd want to continue a relationship, tell him to come back if he ever wants that. But that'll require having all that sorted out in my head, first."

"And you're not sure what your terms are?"

"Yes. Or how to apologize."

"It's easy to overthink apologies."

"Most apologies are for smaller wrongs."

"That's true. The basic principle of identifying what you're apologizing for and signaling regret and a willingness to make amends should still hold."

"I'll get there. Within a Year or so probably."

"It's a substantial shift and I know you're having trouble with it but you do need to consider how long it will be before someone notices."

"How did you notice -"

"Mingling noticed Findekáno made up his head injury. I'm pretty sure the other people there assumed it was an innocuous fib to avoid some embarrassing but unincriminating explanation. It does cut down on what else they could notice without wondering, and it's only a matter of time before someone looks into Bar's resources from your Arda cluster more deeply."

"The latter would be a problem even if Findekáno and I have reconciled."

"I think you'll get a better reception if you are discovered only after you can credibly swear that it's all over."

"With the time dilation it's not exactly as if rushing myself makes much difference."