Hello again, my notebook friend. I have quite the story to tell you.

Hi again Alethia! I hope you're doing okay. It sounded like you were having kind of a hard time.

Oh! I wasn't actually aware you could hear. Um, sorry about that.

Hear what? Oh no, did something else bad happen?

Oh, um, I cried for a bit in here before writing in you. When you said It sounded like I was having a hard time did you just mean when I was talking to you earlier? Um- the time has gotten both better and worse since then.

You said you were in a really creepy place and got attacked by monsters and that the world had a lot of problems to fix, so I've been a little worried for you.

Please tell me about how things have gone. Did you learn anything about the local vampire?

That's the good news! I learned quite a bit, and in fact met the local vampire! It's theoretically possible that she's bad news in some way, but right now I'm very strongly leaning in the direction that she's kind of the best possible person for me to have landed on, in some ways. She's clever and either an incredibly good liar or genuinely well-intentioned. Also I get along with her really well on a personal level in a way that is vaguely suggestive that Fated Lovers is possibly at work. I can't be sure, of course, but- she made a very positive first impression on me in a way that was staggeringly rare, back home. I also met one of her- employees? Colleagues? Who rang a similar bell. A worshipper of one of the nicer gods in this world who's also a wielder of light magic, which is- very anti-evil in this universe. Who is apparently very strongly committed to helping everyone she possibly can, including those deemed irretrievably corrupted by most of society. The fact that she and the local vampire are working together is a really, really good sign. For both of them, actually.

There's, um, a story behind the whole situation, how I met them both in the brief time since I last talked with you and also why I was crying.

If you like her and think she's clever and upstanding then it does seem possible it could be Fated Lovers at work. If she's the best possible person for you to have landed on that might explain why everything is so creepy; the Spirit of Femininity in a sense selects from a slate of possible worlds, so it might be that to meet someone like her you had to end up in this creepy place. 

I would love to hear your story. It's okay if it's hard to get out. I'm very patient.

You're so good. I'm so glad you decided to come with me. Okay, I'll tell you what happened.

The notebook draws little hearts around "so good."

She's a good friend, and Alethia is lucky to have her.

Now, though, for something less enjoyable.

So. An hour or two after I finished talking to you and went to bed, Nikola, the inkeeper, woke me up. The village headman was missing. Hadn't come back from the day's farming. Which means there was either really bad luck in play, or else that was something clever's first move against the village. It turned out to be the latter. Zombies attacked us. I spotted them, warned people. The people in the village were- kind of understandably suspicious that I was responsible, so I had been upstairs while the rest of them gathered in the inn's common room. They assigned me as reserves while the men of the village went out the fight the zombies. It was- hard not to help, but the right move, I think. Making sure the probably-a-vampire in charge of the zombies didn't know I was there was important.Then a house at the edge of the village was lit on fire. And I saw the person who'd lit it walking away, and they weren't moving like a zombie. And so I went out to fight the vampire in charge.

She pauses for a moment and takes a deep breath.

Oh my gosh, that sounds really intense!

It was, uh, really something. Tense and stressful. So- I used Dragon Fairy Elf Witch on the vampire and got a power boost. And I told Nikola I saw the vampire and was going to go and kill him. And- I did. I fought him, and I won, and- I killed him. I- it was gruesome, and I kind of didn't really expect him to be as- fragile as he ended up being. And- vampires here are people, you know. Evil people, usually, but people. And he was evil, but- it's still a tragedy that he's dead. So, um, that's what I was crying about. And, um, also the fact that we later learned that Piotr, the village headman, was dead.

Oh gosh...

I'm sorry you had to do that. It sounds like... your soul takes violence very seriously, in a way that lots of people don't... but your choices led you to a world where you'd have to fight. 

The Spirit probably is doing her best to put you in a position where you don't have to fight good people - that might be part of why you were sent to a world with so many problems, so you're fighting demons or other creatures that are really bad for the whole universe - but you care so much that you even mourn really bad people, and the spirit can't take that away from you without compromising something that matters to you. 

I'm sorry you weren't sent to a more peaceful world. I really wish I could hug you.

You're good.

I think you're right.

Also. This universe has- it has the ability to comprehensively view the past. I don't know if anyone can do it to the necessary level besides one particular servant of one of the Extra Special Evil Demongods, but that one can so it's possible. Along with pretty free-form magic. Which means that- even for entities that don't usually get an afterlife in this universe, I should be able to bring them back someday. When the world is strong enough that it doesn't have to be scared of them. So, in the very long term, that vampire has had a very unpleasant few minutes followed by a timeskip. I think. I'm not actually sure, but I'd guess stuff like that was possible here even without the Spirit putting her thumb on the scales. But, well, her thumb is on the scales, so if I had to bet I'd bet in that direction at 90:10 odds, I think. And that helps.

But still, it was- the first time I've done anything like that, and it drove home the- finality of death, the reality of it, in some ways, I think. How it can just sort of- suddenly happen.

I'm going to be okay, I'm pretty sure. And there's a lot of entities in this universe to copy for more power, and I think I'm going to be able to fix a lot of its problems.

And- under it all, I wanted to- help. To have time for myself, to have fun, to have- an end condition that means I can retire, eventually, and to have people along for the ride with me while I go about getting there. But to help. And- if I'd known this world existed, where I could have all of that and make a difference, and I landed somewhere with smaller problems and the people here didn't get helped, I would have disliked that, I think. This- it hurt. It hurt lots. But- I was always the kind of person to fantasize about ending up in situations like this, you know? Landing in terrible universes and getting to help lots and lots. Meeting friends and people to love along the way. Getting to be clearly, obviously special.

So there's something very egosyntonic about this, even the unpleasant bits. There's a sense in which this is exactly the kind of story I wanted to live through.

Then I'm glad that the Spirit can give it to you in a way that lets you have even the hard and awful parts of your perfect story. 

If you want to talk about the details I'm here for you. Or if you want to plan, or think about it, or do anything in writing. Draft letters. Whatever I can do for you. 

I hope you help lots of people and fix this universe so it's better. I think the Spirit would be very happy about that too.

I hope so too. Fortunately, there are- a bunch of clear intervention points as I get more and more powerful. The last of which is clearing out the local Extra Special Evil Demongods, stealing their realms, and turning them into a paradise afterlife. And, well- then there's eternity. This unpleasant starting bit is going to be very short, comparatively.

I think- exact details would perhaps be a bit too close to dwelling, I did that on my own a bit ago. So probably talking about meeting the local vampire, Crin Illemvich, and Ishaza, the Light-wielder, is probably the best thing to do? Just to- go over things, think out loud with a friend. Make sure I'm not missing anything obvious about things. Like ways to prove I've got unprecedented capabilities, or to learn for certain that they're trustworthy.

Okay! I'd love to hear more about them.

They're interesting. I met Crin Illemvich first, not long after the fighting ended. Probably she would have intervened not too long after I went out to fight- plausibly her showing up when she did was Fated Lovers working to ensure I made a good first impression. She saw that I protected her people, and also that I, uh, really didn't like having to kill that vampire. She- seemed to like that. We talked a tiny bit and ended up back in the inn. Then I met Ishaza. Crin just- immediately told her I was battlesick, a term I have decided I like, and Ishaza offered to cast a charm that could help, but only after making sure there wasn't anyone else who needed help with, like, actual injuries. I approve of her prioritization. When I asked if the charm would make it so I- didn't care what I'd done- she said no, and that such a charm would be dangerous. I just- I get the very strong impression that both she and Crin have- similar ethics to mine, and similar ways of thinking. Ishaza spontaneously brought up the importance of being legibly good as opposed to being illegibly so, and it was- not the kind of thing that would have happened, back home. I suddenly gave a random infodump on my thoughts about ethics. Must have lasted four straight minutes. They responded by infodumping back. It's just- I like them lots, and am trying not to let the fact that they made absurdly good first impressions cause literally instant complete trust, just in case.

I'm really glad you're meeting people you like. It does seem like Fated Lovers could be in play here, but it could also just be the general convenience of your metanarrative protection getting you into a more safe and stable situation in the world. I think it's likelier that it's Fated Lovers, though, especially because you're the kind of person who would want your love to be immortal, and Crin's a vampire.

It might help to ask yourself if you think she's attractive?

She feels a bit of colour come to her cheeks.

She's very pretty.

The notebook draws little hearts around it. 

Awww. 

I can't promise she's your Fated Love. You seem like the kind of person who might have a decoy Fated Love, since you're naturally a bit anxious and care about knowing people rather than relying on appearances. But I think it would be a pretty unkind twist on the part of the story to pull away something that seems this good for you, so I think it's unlikely that the Spirit would let it happen unless there was a very good reason.

I think you should take your time, and learn, and see if your heart opens up to her in its own time. You don't have to make a decision today, tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now. But I'm confident that whatever decision you eventually make will be the right one. 

Yeah, I agree with you about the waiting. You are a Notebook of Sensibility.

That "awww" makes her smile. She had to be less cute than she'd naturally be, back when she was a boy. Or she felt like she did. It's nice to be more free to be exactly who she wants to be.

Uh, not to completely change the subject, but I just came to a realization I thought would make you happy. Back when I was being a boy, I thought that- I couldn't be cute. Or- I had to be careful about being cute. That people would judge me and not like me. It felt a bit like I was constantly walking around with a mask on. Or wearing armor. And- the armor was useful. And comfortable, in some ways. It genuinely strengthened me to wear it, I think. And I'm glad I can still put it back on, if I want. But- I don't feel, quite so much, like I have to wear it.

I'm, you know, shy. And anxious. And being judged Bad At Boy would have been unpleasant. Was, all the times it happened. So I got Good At Boy. But- now I am instead attempting to Be Girl. And it's- easier. I like it better. It fits me more. And it's thanks to you and the spirit I get to do that.