ridiculous premise #76
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Myrabelle cuts the mindscape.

 


 

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Should Lastwall[1] attempt to investigate why Asmodeus is investing more in this war than expected?

Yes.

Should Lastwall call from Heaven someone who can speak from their experience in life to the original Alfirin's role in the Shining Crusade?

Yes.

Should Lastwall proceed on the assumption[2] that Catherine de Litran is Alfirin.

Yes.

Should Lastwall proceed on the assumption that Alfirin is an enemy of Hell and an ally in the war effort against it?

Yes.

Should Lastwall proceed on the assumption that Alfirin is an ally, generally?

No.

Should Lastwall attempt to make contact with Alfirin and communicate openly with her about the terms of their alliance?

Unclear.


[1] Formally, communes ask 'should those institutions within which the commune result will be shared as strategically relevant, and which share a common comprehension of those constraints that produce commune answers', unless the question is in fact not intended for free communication among Lastwall, the institutional church of Iomedae, relevant paladin orders, and allies at the discretion of the above. There's shorthand for this, at this point.

[2] Communes rarely ask 'is X true', as this puts the goddess in a difficult position if the claim is literally true or closer to true than false but the course of action advised is not the one Her servants will take with that answer; by default, she taught her church, communes should ask behavioral questions if the reason they want the answer is so they can act, reserving factual ones for when they're trying to develop a not-immediately-action-relevant deeper comprehension of theology or of the universe or whatever else. There are different ways to formulate the two kinds of question, and also the Goddess will default to the interpretation that she thinks matches their intent, if they're unclear. If they're asking on behalf of some non-default set of institutions they broadly shouldn't ask behavioral questions unless they're very very important ones; she doesn't want to have to compute the interests of some other actor, and won't be accurate enough for it to be safe to represent their interests as accounted-for.


 

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Iomedae falls asleep holding Alfirin and wakes up feeling much better. She requests a briefing on what she's allowed to say about events on today's Freedom Radio.

 

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She should not mention that she was directly involved in events in Vigil. She should probably give any explanation for the missed broadcast; some true facts are that she was injured and some of her broadcasting equipment damaged. They have some reports she can read about the events which don't include anything secret. The only things Iomedae knows that are secret are that she was the one possessed by the god Iomedae and that they had some advance notice of the attacks.

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Can she interview a witness to the miracle in Vigil? People love that kind of thing, and it does imply that she's either in Vigil or has Teleport access but if the witness is themselves Teleport-capable it could easily be the latter, and it's just hard to beat people describing events in their own voice.

 

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They would rather she didn't, for this broadcast, for reasons which are a little complicated and touch on secret things she doesn't know yet. She'll get an explanation for that after the broadcast.

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All right.

 

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"This is Freedom Radio, and, wow, have we got some updates for you today. First off, as many of you undoubtedly noticed, we missed yesterday's broadcast. I cannot tell you exactly why that happened. I am going to tell you a lot of things that happened yesterday and that some of them may have been relevant to the missing broadcast.

First, Cheliax has declared war on both Andoran and Lastwall. They sent the declaration of war more or less simultaneous with an attack before dawn on Almas, Vigil, and probably also some other places. I'm sure news will keep trickling in over the next few days. In Almas, Razmir was reportedly present, and he opened Gates through which monsters swarmed the city. Luckily, Almas has Felandriel Morgethai, and she doesn't take it very kindly when people mess with her city, and she's a much more impressive archmage than Razmir is. I'm told that she killed him twice in the space of around two minutes, and that after that he decided to go home. Razmir's learning what a lot of people have learned recently: Hell can offer you what looks like a good deal, but they can't actually offer you a good deal. They're constitutionally incapable of it. 

Now, as I understand it, it took a few hours to finish cleaning up all of the monsters Razmir unleashed on Almas, and thousands of people did die in the fighting. But let's be very clear: Abrogail Thrune didn't try to get Razmir involved in her war and open up a second front with Andoran just to kill some people in Almas. Cheliax almost certainly thought that they could take Morgethai out, and leave the forces of Good without one of their most powerful defenders. It didn't work, and now they're in deep trouble. The Chelish army might be able to hold the border with Andoran, but only by leaving the rest of the country to the Glorious Reclamation, and only if Andoran doesn't have guns. If I were the Supreme Elect of Andoran, I'd be buying some guns this morning - and if I were Lastwall, I'd be selling them.

And that brings us to the second of yesterday's big events, which is that the attack on Almas was at the same time as the attack on Vigil. Now, Vigil doesn't have an archmage who lives there and defends it, but it has something nearly as good. The walls of the city were built by Arazni, an archmage and at least half a god, during the Shining Crusade. They're supposed to be very nearly invulnerable to any mortal magic. An ordinary wall can fall to a sixth-circle wizard casting Disintegrate, but if you cast Disintegrate on the walls of Vigil they'll laugh at you. 

So who did Cheliax enlist to try to break the unbreakable city? Well, the person who built it. The body of Arazni, after the end of the Shining Crusade, was stolen by Geb, who raised her as a lich bound to his service. She's ruled Geb ever since. And yesterday morning, she arrived in Vigil to, apparently, destroy it. Now, Geb could destroy most places if he wanted to, but he really does not bother. In fact it's hotly debated if he's still around on this planet at all. And Arazni herself, bound as she's been to his service, has almost never been known to leave his country. The timing is very strongly suggestive that Cheliax figured out something they could bribe Arazni or Geb with to send Arazni to wreck Vigil, and thereby to hopefully make Chelish liberation untenable. 

Now, there are archmages - Morgethai, Razmir, Clepati - and then there are archmages, out of legends, Nex and Geb and Tar-Baphon and Arazni. You don't want your country to be at war with an archmage because they're nearly impossible to kill and can do all kinds of things, but most archmages do in fact meet their match, eventually, and there are known limits to what they can do. They can only prepare so many spells, they can still be affected by your spells if they're unlucky, they can get caught in an antimagic field. 

Archmages out of legend are an entirely different sort of thing. Razmir tried to overrun Almas with monsters. Arazni cast a silence on Vigil, and everything for ten to twelve miles around, making it approximately impossible for most spellcasters to oppose her. She then stopped time and dismantled the walls she'd built; when time started again, they were falling to rubble. 

If Razmir's attacking you, you can place traps that Disjoin him, you can smite him and shoot at him.

What do you do against that? You pray. …well, to be clear, people did also try smiting and shooting at Arazni, it just had no effect. But mostly, I am told, they prayed, because no power on Golarion could save them.

And their Goddess came from Heaven. And you might think that what then ensued was a spectacular fight between Good and Evil, but you'd be forgetting - Iomedae and Arazni served together in the Shining Crusade. They were friends, once. And what I'm told Iomedae did when She came out of Heaven was talk to Arazni. Show her what really happened in the Crusade where they fought together, show her how she died, show her how her friends had grieved her, show her that they never stopped hoping they would someday have the strength to save her. And then the Goddess cut Arazni free of Geb.

 

So, uh, I can see why Cheliax thought that they had the upper hand, here. They believed they were in position to deliver a devastating blow to Lastwall, to declare war and win it in the same moment, and to leave Andoran fighting nearly alone with their archmage dead and their allies devastated. 

I'm just not sure why they thought the forces of Good would put up with that. Maybe they believed their own propaganda. Iomedae is a problem for House Thrune, right - a Chelish woman, an ascended god, a proof that in old Cheliax there was strength that the country Asmodeus is strangling cannot even dream of possessing. So they have to lie about her, and the most popular lie is that She is weak and cannot win. It's true that Asmodeus has more power to throw around than Iomedae. But Asmodeus needs to use more power for nearly everything He does, because - look, Razmir's Lawful Evil. Geb is purportedly Lawful Evil last anyone heard. Arazni's Neutral Evil. But did any of those people collaborate with Asmodeus because they want to see His country stay His? No! He had to spend what was probably an astounding sum of money to bribe them. Did Iomedae bribe Felandriel Morgethai to work for Her? No! Felandriel Morgethai is doing this because she hates House Thrune her own self. 

So Asmodeus has a spending advantage, but that's not at all the same thing as a power projection advantage. He can spend astounding sums to bribe Geb to send Arazni to Vigil, but Iomedae can show up and say 'would you rather not work for Geb' and there goes that. He can spend astounding sums to bribe Razmir to try to kill Morgethai, but if it doesn't work on the first few tries Razmir will decide it's not worth the money. He cannot buy alliances built on anything more than convenience and assured selfish benefit, and he doesn't have any friends.

Anyway. Some of my transmission equipment was damaged yesterday, and I was actually injured, but on the whole I've never been in a better mood. No one likes Asmodeus, and the powers arrayed against Him can shoot almost anything in our path – or talk to it, which is even better. Abrogail, I wonder if the story of this miracle out of Vigil feels at all personal to you. Iomedae is called the goddess of destroying Evil, but what She did, when She met Arazni, was see that She'd been lied to, and clear all the lies away with the sheer force of the truth, and then invite Arazni to be free, and when Arazni got to choose between being a slave for a lie or living free with the truth She chose to live free. The forces that march on you will destroy you, if we have to, but we would really much rather free you, and our greatest weapon is the fact that we can tell the truth and you can't stand to hear it."

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A page is waiting outside the recording studio to take the two of them to Valentina's office. (Alfirin sat in on this broadcast, rather than listening in from her quarters. She is more than usually reluctant to let Iomedae out of her sight.)

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"How are you recovering?"

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"I mostly feel all right if I'm not trying to do anything strenuous. …the broadcast was relevantly strenuous but needed to happen. I slept ten hours. I am sure I'll be all right."

 

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"I'm glad you'll be alright. On to business. First up, we learned during the miracle yesterday that the original Alfirin was a wizard fighting in the Shining Crusade. A powerful one, at least seventh circle and probably eighth at the time. She's also still alive, or undead, and has been helping us in the war. She may be evil. All of this is secret, but the two of you deserve to know and you shouldn't be surprised if she decides to try to contact you for some reason."

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Iomedae looks over at Alfirin rather than think of anything to say to that.

 

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…She does not know if that's better or worse than being eaten by a bear. Depends whether she's evil, she supposes, and on whether she's immortal or undead. Her original life being an immortal powerful wizard would be pretty cool; her original life being an evil undead wizard would be pretty scary. "...How did you just learn this yesterday, if she's been helping in the war and was in the shining crusade?"

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"We have no record of her in the shining crusade and are investigating how that happened. She's been helping us pseudonymously and also possibly in secret ways she hasn't told us about."

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Iomedae squeezes Alfirin's hand. "Well, that seems like a weird thing for an evil undead wizard to do."

 

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"I assume they have a reason to think that…"

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"It's not that weird. You said it yourself, on the radio just now. Asmodeus doesn't have any friends, even among other evil beings. The reason we suspect her to be undead is that very few wizards have achieved immortality by other means, and even stretched to its limits with magic her natural lifespan would have ended seven hundred years ago. We suspect she may be evil because she's likely-undead, because the Goddess cautioned us against treating her as an ally in general, and because - we think she had a conversation with the Goddess after Arazni left. Iomedae said, quote, 'The person you'd be if you were living up to your own values is someone I'd have no quarrels with.' end quote, to which she replied 'do your worst'. That's reconstructed from what multiple witnesses remember, so the exact words might be off."

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Alfirin clings to Iomedae's hand.

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Iomedae clings right back. That does kind of sound more like what an evil undead wizard would say than what friends would say. …also she's now kind of upset that her body was used to say something that evil undead wizard Alfirin plainly took as a threat. "Probably it is not very wise to try to reason about maybe undead wizard Alfirin by thinking about the good Alfirin," she says. "But it is easy for me to imagine that the maybe undead wizard Alfirin is still a good person and just doesn't like gods very much."

 

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Lastwall has been dealing with undead wizards since its inception and not one of them has turned out to be a good person. "Maybe. Just - be careful if you ever do meet her again. Don't trust her just because she and Alfirin used to be the same person. People can change a lot, in nine hundred years."

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Alfirin is the person who taught Iomedae not to trust people instinctively. 

 

She nods.

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"The second thing you should know is that we're working on sending you back to the Dome. Probably tomorrow. Cheliax tried kidnapping people with wishes again yesterday, and we think they might try again - they also might not, if yesterday cost them too much and they have to conserve resources more, but it doesn't seem that we'd have been served well by thinking in those terms after the first kidnapping attempt, or after the wall of hellfire."

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Iomedae nods again. If Lastwall hasn't gotten a lengthy complaint about their behavior she has no desire to be the one who tells them that they find Osirion difficult.

 

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"I understand you had some conflicts with Jeres. Do we need to replace him with someone else? Keeping in mind that there's a war on and we don't exactly have officers going spare."

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