"We planned it, because we didn't think we could - be easily understood to be married, otherwise, even if no one would have stopped us from making vows and saying we were.

I think you are right, that one shouldn't take a lover unseriously. But - there is no way, here, to say 'all right, so, I am doing it seriously.' It was unserious by definition until she could have the form of a man, because that's - the thing you can recognize is serious.

…I apologize if we missed some less disruptive way to get what we wanted." And doesn't apologize if they didn't.

"I don't know if there was a less disruptive way… I'm sorry. I am glad the two of you are being responsible. But even if you plan to marry, it seems potentially unwise. Not in the general case, but in your case... the Goddess Iomedae was involved with her Alfirin. She later considered it to be a mistake."

"...we are all of us commanded to surpass our gods."

...Of course. She's still Arodenite at heart, much more so than Lastwall of this age.

"Maybe so. Perhaps by learning from their mistakes."

"I don't know - what they were to each other, what their society thought they were allowed to be to each other, when Alfirin decided to be an evil archmage. Mine isn't. Wouldn't be even if I decided to abandon her because the Good gods said so, though it would be a very terrible thing to do to her.

I think... there are different ways of learning from a person's mistakes. There's deciding you won't try to do what they failed at, or there's deciding you'll try to do it better. The Goddess didn't marry hers. I agreed already it's a mistake to have someone in your heart with no anchor in it."

"Very well. I still have doubts, but it is undoubtably your choice to make and you've clearly put thought into it... You have my permission to marry."

She needs it, in the sense she needs leave to take additional vows while part of the order, though she doesn't need it in the sense that the year is nearly up and she doesn't have to remain in the order if she thinks it is a stupid order. Or just if she thinks that with the war over the shape her commitments should take is different. 

"Thank you.

...The Chelish defector Nefreti said should be invited - was that evil maybe undead wizard Alfirin? Because I don't know if we want to invite her but it's a different kind of decision than inviting a random person because Nefreti said to."

"The elder Alfirin requested privacy in exchange for her help and I shall accordingly not answer questions about her identity."

Iomedae internally discards her list of Guesses About People Who Might Be Evil Maybe Undead Wizard Alfirin. "No other questions, sir. …how do people in Lastwall announce an engagement. Americans exchange rings."

"Well, typically the, um. The man gives his betrothed a weapon, and she keeps it for the engagement period, which is usually about a month, and returns it in the wedding ceremony."

Iomedae nods, seriously. "...does this symbolically mean she can stab him if he backs out, or anything?" 

"Ah, no. But for most young men - the weapon is a significant investment. Most men only have one sword, and it would be shameful to be disarmed because of backing out of a marriage. And it's a symbol of how he is pledging not to seek unnecessary danger, and when she returns the sword it signifies how he will be able to protect her and their family. Sometimes women give the swords, if they are warriors, though warrior women do not marry very often."

"I like it," says Iomedae, after a second to think. "...I am sure it must seem that I am a strange foreigner with complaints about everything but there are a lot of beautiful things here, and ones I am honored to be a part of. We will figure out how one adapts it for our circumstances."

"For all your foreign ways, we are honored to have you."