ridiculous premise #76
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Westcrown surrenders at dawn. Most of the wizards want to go to the Worldwound, assuming they'll be sent with supplies to an allied fort that's below-strength because of the war and not just dropped in the wilderness somewhere technically at the Wound; they've been there before, know the rules, know the rules specifically prohibit having them all casually murdered, and it sounds less fake than 'you're free to go so long as you stay out of the country and the war'. Most of the officers want Absalom. Most of the population of Westcrown wants to survive the next two days and will huddle in their homes until someone lights their homes on fire or breaks down their doors.

 

Arvanxi orders the surrender and then has someone teleport him out to negotiate how much of his fortune the Abadarans will want to shelter him.

 

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(It's most of it. They're not cheating him; sheltering Chelish officials is legitimately very expensive for them right now, for reasons they do not explain but which have to do with keeping them  segregated from and unaware of the engineers they're also sheltering right now, and the other people frightened of Wishnaps from Cheliax they're also sheltering right now.)

 

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On Alfirin's advice, Cansellarion wishes for a pair of wish diamonds (one of the Pit Fiends used its wish already). She tells him to give her one and he's somewhat confused why not both but doesn't question it.

 


 

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The day after Westcrown surrenders, at the end of the day, Alfirin sneaks up behind Iomedae, claps invisible hands over her eyes, and whispers "Guess who?"

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Iomedae instinctively startles enough to go for her revolver but before she reaches it she squeals in delight instead. "You did it!!!"

 

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"I did it! Now when I have a radar dish I can test whether it detects invisible things without anyone else's help… which is admittedly not that important. But I did it! Second circle spells!"

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"Second circle spells!! You're very impressive! And I think it's very important! Maybe you can get other people to do invisibility for you, but - the more easily we can walk away the better, really, even if at this point I'm convinced Lastwall's not secretly horrible. And it means we can get married when the war's over, that's very important."

 

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Iomedae can't see the surprise on her face because she can't see her face. "...What, as soon as the war's over? For all I know that could be tomorrow."

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"It seems like a possibility!" says Iomedae cheerfully. "I assume Asmodeus has more tricks up his sleeve but it wouldn't be shocking if He only has one more."

 

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"Okay," says Alfirin, reappearing. "I love you dearly but it seems… early? Also very sudden? How long have you been planning to propose as soon as I got second-circle spells?"

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Iomedae looks slightly baffled. " - well, I guess since we determined that we liked each other in a sleeping-together sort of way?" America taught her that two women could marry one another but it didn't teach her what marriage is, Taldor did that. And what she and Alfirin are doing is not keeping each other warm during long nights on campaign, it is building a life together, and it is a cowardly and selfish thing, to give a woman everything but your oath and have of her everything but hers. Everyone knows that.

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"...Oh. You should've said.

…I do, I really do want to marry you, eventually, I think, it just - feels like we're being irresponsible or something, rushing into it -"

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"- I think it didn't seem like there was anything to say exactly? I'm sorry, I would've said something if I'd noticed it might be a thing we weren't on the same page about. …I think to me it feels irresponsible to go on for a long time with vague intentions of marriage and no proper oath, that's, like, the quintessentially irresponsible thing to do."

 

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"Oh. I see. I…didn't get much acculturation about marriage in Undarin, just that I was too young for that and it would be a mistake to marry before I was older. And then I guess - got everything else from America."

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"Mmmm. And America would say that we are too young and that the respectable thing non-foolish people do is date for most of their twenties and then marry when they're already established. …it's true one ought to wait until established, but you are the wealthiest person in the world, that never felt like a thing that actually needed waiting for."

 

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"I think it's at least partly about people being wiser when they're older. But you're right, it's not like we'll have any trouble supporting a household…so I can see why you decided to propose - as soon as it's theoretically possible for us to conceive - You do want children? I don't think we're going to have any by accident."

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"...I think probably eventually but that it seems entirely reasonable to say we're too young for. Or, too busy for, and young enough we don't actually have to choose between having children while too busy for them and not having them at all.

But it being theoretically possible matters because - because the way everyone sees our relationship, right now, is as a - intense friendship, fundamentally, not as a thing with the character that marriage has. If we announced we meant to marry they'd humor us but they'd be humoring us. 

But - if you can turn into a boy - my plan was always that when we were ready to marry, you would start turning into a boy sometimes when you had a reason, to lift heavy things or be a bit taller or test the fit of some armor - and I bet that the first time I kiss you while you are a boy, that very day, someone will say to me 'so do you intend to marry?'. Because - the relationship will suddenly and obviously have that character, to them, and I care about that."

 

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"Oh. Well, if you've come up with a clever way to bypass the long arguments to convince everyone around us it's a real marriage I'm suddenly much more enthusiastic about doing it soon… I guess I must've also not wanted to pick that fight.

…Also, I was going to say, I'm not sure we technically could conceive, now. And I'd want the kids to be more - mine - which feels like a research project in itself. So I'm glad you don't want them yet."

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Fervent nod. "I actually feel kind of strange on a bunch of levels about actually sleeping with you as a man and wouldn't really feel ready to even if we were to marry. My secret schemes were all using the fact that other people will know you could get me pregnant, not any actual doing so.

And yes, I don't want to pick the fight about whether it's a real marriage either, that sounds miserable, it's the kind of fight it's so much easier to get people to roll their eyes and go along about than to actually win, and it would - involve feeling like aliens and strangers again. The reason I liked my scheme was because it's - them being obliged to fit us into their worldview, instead of us trying to tug on it. …I'm very sorry, this was in fact a profoundly silly thing to just assume we would be on the same page about while never saying a word about it."

 

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"Profoundly. Thank you for explaining, I'm much less alarmed now." She hugs Iomedae. "Starting tomorrow I can occasionally turn into a man to reach tall objects, and you can kiss me about it when the war is over."

 

 


 

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Cheliax is capable of learning from its mistakes. They break up their remaining forces so there’s nowhere Cansellarion can Teleport and be on top of a large share of them, and focus instead on high-magic raids to torch the Glorious Reclamation’s munition stores. They lose a lot of devils. They do not appear to care. There are more devils in Hell than paladins on Golarion and it increasingly seems like that might be the relevant comparison. They conduct more maledictions and executions of the Wishnapped generals and dissidents, trying to lure someone into a rescue attempt again. They do another Wishnapping with Lastwall’s leadership on the target list; It lands on Endel who is only saved by Alfirin promptly wishing him back. They call a Miracle to un-soul-trap Razmir. 

 

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The Reclamation knows about the permanent gate to Hell underneath Egorian. It was one of the many secrets Lilia gave up. Closing it might cut off the endless devil reinforcements The problem is, Hell knows that too, and probably knows that they know, or can at least guess they might have gotten the information from the captive pit fiends. It’s a well-guarded location, underground and covered by a forbiddance - Getting in will be difficult, retreating if the operation goes badly will be difficult, and the operation seems like a risky one with Razmir and at least five pit fiends available to the enemy. Nonetheless, it seems like if successful it could be the decisive operation of the war.

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Nefreti proposes that they cause an earthquake that levels the city of Egorian and closes the Gate. “By accident.”

 

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"I am not sure how we would…plan to do that by accident… nor for that matter how we would do that intentionally. An earthquake spell won’t cover that area."

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Nefreti looks exasperated. “That’s why you’d have to do it by accident.”

 

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