But it couldn't last. This happiness, this cuddliness, this pretending everything is fine and they can just hang out together as if there's nothing wrong, without a care in the world. And one of these days, after mulling it over for a while, after having taken a break, Zash walks into the plants room with a much more determined expression on his face, more purpose in his gait, than he usually has. He stops before his floating brother and folds his arms.

[Nai]

He's been putting this off, because having his brother back and in a non-kidnapping mood being cooperative and, well, cute—

Zash didn't want to ruin it. Didn't want to stop it.

But he can't. He just... he can't handle all the times Knives shows up to opine, all the times he expresses disdain for humanity or feels put upon. Eventually the novelty of being fine wears off and he is distinctly not fine.

Zash.

It's not a word, nor even his phonetic name, though the phonetic name is associated with it too. But no, it's the fractal of who Zash is, who Nai sees him as, the bundle of feelings and contradictions and unresolved tension. One bundle saying, "Hello. I see you. I know you. I greet you."

And there's a tinge of worry, of concern. He sees the note of upset in his twin's mind voice and he doesn't know what it's about.

Zash has to push down the flash of irritation. It's not fair to blame Nai for not noticing the simmering resentment he's been feeling—

—no.

No. Stop that. Stop martyrizing yourself. Nai himself said so, got annoyed because of his plant tendencies to ignore his own feelings and smooth over them and try to be endlessly charitable.

No.

Nai can read his mind. Nai can feel his feelings. And Nai can fucking defend himself like a goddamn adult without Zash doing half the work for him while trying to pretend he's not feeling what he's feeling, or to make himself not feel it.

[Yvette, love, I need you to leave]

?????

She’s distracted, half buried in math about typical human resource consumption, but. …. She can figure out what is about to happen. It’s been a long time coming.

[Okay] she agrees, putting up her work to give Zash a quick kiss before she departs. Both physically and psychically, though if they need her they know where to find her. But Zash needs this.

[come down here] he tells Nai once Yvette's gone.

...why.

He does, even though Zash is being unusually opaque, float down to where his twin is standing from where he'd been amidst the tanks.

And Zash punches him hard enough to knock him clear off his feet and onto the floor before climbing on top of him and getting really into it.

...what the fuck? His blades are out before he can even properly think about it but then his brain catches up with him and he's just—confused—

(But he's not, Zash notes, seriously struggling. Close quarters like this, at this point, Nai could connect to Zash's gate and lock him out and knock him unconscious with a touch. He's not doing this.)

[why, Nai? why, why?]

[what, Zash? what?]

[you know what—]

He had things to say. He had a way to introduce the topic, had thought of how to ease Nai into it, but right now he's just too angry, and he doesn't have a good way to explain why. Not with words.

So instead, he does it with memories.

Tonis handing him the cage with the worms, then lying bloody on the sand missing his arm.

Melissa boasting about her grenade launcher, then pierced through with blades.

Elliott arguing passionately about the sunglasses. They didn't recover enough of his body to be recognisable, they only found the broken frame of the sunglasses.

Maria, pregnant. Maria, bleeding, in the course of losing her baby.

Farther into the past. Beatrice, Fabian, Xiuyong, Tomas, Keiko, Maru, Halle, Pietro, Marcos, Philippa, Koris, Unther, Sakuo.

Luida, to her last breath asking Zash to forgive his brother.

They're all people. People Zash met, people he loved, people who had dreams and hopes and wishes and friends and family and enemies and lovers.

People Nai stole from him. People who died because of Nai, people he killed or crippled or destroyed.

...he, he didn't—

[Rem Saverem, Nai!!!]

That, more than anything, more than the punches, more than the other memories, knocks the wind out of him.

[she was our mother. our mother, Nai!]

[she wasn't—she was human—]

[she was our mother, you asshole]

And to make this point he sends Nai a single memory, from three different perspectives: Nai and Zash in an escape pod, and Rem Saverem furiously inputting coordinates into a console while alarms of catastrophic failure sound everywhere on the ship.

...he didn't think this through well enough. It hadn't—he hadn't thought—

"Rem," he says, trying not to leak too much of his anxiety into his voice.

She doesn't look up. She's too focused, too worried, she can't stop to think, there's no time.

Zash has noticed that something's wrong, something doesn't fit, this wasn't an accident.

And he can't hear Nai.

"Rem...?"