Well, she's already earned that correction. Might as well finish the latest round of boot camp and tie it off. That will buy her two more weeks.

And then that finished, and she realized she had barely prepared any report because then she'd have to think about leaving. So she stalled a few more days, not doing training.

She didn't mention to anyone else that her deadline was up and past.

Corl noticed she was distracted. He could tell when someone was wrestling with their conscience, and - when she'd come north, Estel was Lawful Neutral, strong enough to read visibly to aura sight. Having a conscience, rather than a sense of the law, was not something she did.

As of two months ago, shortly after the first serious wave of demons hit their new line, Corl had noticed Estel started to read Lawful Good. He'd mentioned it. She had been vaguely surprised, but dismissed it as probably just something that happens when you fight a lot of demons.

He didn't push, but he didn't believe it either. They were working closely together, basically constantly, and they were close enough that he could guess what she was thinking. She was wrestling with the conscience she wasn't used to having.

And he would bet his life that, on the deepest level of her mind, she wasn't hoping to win.

So he didn't ask. Or mention it, not even to their Ata.

She took a couple patrols to fight beside Ata a little more 'clear her head'.

There were a dozen babaus, and a wave of smaller demons, and they were frantically redeploying and shifting squads for two weeks, and she started more rounds of training to fill the holes those left because it was urgent...

And then she noticed the mornings getting early. And realized she'd been AWOL for two months and had stopped even thinking about making her report.

Later that day:

"Estel! Have dinner with me tonight? It's been a while since we made time to talk privately."

"Oh. Probably? If nothing distracts me, at least."

He clapped a hand on her shoulder.

"I'll look forward to it."

But then he went back to work.

As did she.

She didn't really like the idea of having a conversation. She didn't want... she didn't know what she wanted. But she desperately wanted help. So she showed up.

"You've been busy", he said, after they'd eaten a decent quantity.

"We all have, haven't we?"

"You more than you had any duty to. I - had guesses."

"Had?"

"Until I cast aura sight today. As of some time before noon, you don't read Lawful. Only Good."

"There's only one thing I can think of that would do that. And I don't think it would be easy for you. So - do you want my help?"

She suddenly sobbed. And then couldn't stop.

He crossed the distance and wrapped her in a (very large) hug.

"I'm not leaving," she finally managed, "My orders were to return beginning of Pharast, and I didn't, and I - made excuses - and today I realized that I was never going to, and-"

She lost the thread of her thoughts entirely.

"And that means that you lost the first pillar of your life."

"Not just my life. If I'm not Lawful - who am I?"

"A good person. A brave warrior, a cunning mage, a reliable friend. A orderly person, who believes in Law, and has kept all her oaths but one."

Her smile looked wounded. "A good person, or a Good one?"

"Both. From how you have talked to us about Law, I have always thought it was - not so different from Good. Civilization, society progressing, allowing wealth to build. What makes desperate farmers and hunters into comfortable crafters and merchants."

"I was always Neutral."