Bitch, you are not my fucking handler team, I am not going to ask for your permission to break up with my quasi-boyfriend. If you want me to be your cute little victor status symbol you have to pay me victor money, and also fuck off. 

"Honestly, no, I did not think of it, it was not super planned out beforehand." 

Quackity thinks of the breakups he's had and sighs, presses two fingers to the bridge of his nose. Professional. He can do professional. (He needs a drink. Fucking Wilbur Soot. No, he doesn't need a drink, he needs Wilbur to pay him 5 diamonds for every time he has to think about him.) "Alright. I appreciate you letting me know. Is there anything I should be aware of."

"No, it went shockingly well actually. No one even died."

(This is obviously a joke, and equally obviously a joke from someone who has genuinely never had a breakup that didn't involve at least one death before.) 

Huh. That's interesting. Quackity has three feelings, approximately simultaneously:

One, he is grateful that nobody died. He tells himself it's just that he doesn't want to deal with hauling Wilbur Soot's corpse out of his stupid fucking burger van, and he doesn't believe himself even a little bit. (If Wilbur Soot does die, he promises himself, he is going to leave his corpse in his stupid fucking burger van. Someone else can fucking deal with it. He isn't Quackity's problem, dead or alive.)

Two, he's pissed, because he didn't actually want it to go well, he had a whole fucking plan and Q went and ruined it.

Three, he wonders how Q and Schlatt broke up. If they broke up.

He doesn't say any of that. "That's good, that's good."

"Yeah! I'm—" and then he thinks better of that. "I should probably warn Ranboo. Have a good day." 

"Sure, yeah. See you around."

The problem with this plan is that now he has to find Ranboo, and going to the arctic sounds like a terrible idea. Snowchester? 

Ranboo's not there; Tubbo is.

"—hello." 

"Hey. Fancy seeing you in Snowchester."

Yeah that's very fair. Sorry for just showing up at your house whose location you didn't tell me! I promise I have legitimate business here! "Did you get Michael's coordinates or do I need to bug Eret?" 

"I got 'em. Haven't brought him back yet 'cause bringing him back safely's gonna be a whole thing but I know where he is, checked on him to make sure he's safe there for now and everything."

"Oh good." The relief is as genuine as it gets. "That's most of what I wanted to check on. Do you know where Ranboo is?" 

"No clue." It's, like, 90% true. Okay, maybe 85%.

"Fair enough. Have a good day." 

"You too."

He still doesn't want to go to the arctic; even if Wilbur's inside and avoiding the world it's just— well. So once he's definitely outside of Snowchester's borders he texts Ranboo instead. 

Quackity_V68 whispers to RanbooLive: just broke up with wilbur
Quackity_V68 whispers to RanbooLive: to the extent that you have to deal with the fallout im really sorry
Quackity_V68 whispers to RanbooLive: also we should talk in person about info stuff at some point but doesnt have to be today

RanbooLive whispers to Quackity_V68: okay
RanbooLive whispers to Quackity_V68: cool cool cool
RanbooLive whispers to Quackity_V68: info stuff?

Quackity_V68 whispers to RanbooLive: i mean im not telling quackity anything i wouldnt have told wilbur which is like. almost all of the things
Quackity_V68 whispers to RanbooLive: but i learned some things yesterday and it seems worth having a conversation about?

RanbooLive whispers to Quackity_V68: where do you want to meet?

Quackity_V68 whispers to RanbooLive: not paradise. the crater?

RanbooLive whispers to Quackity_V68: sure

The crater, then, at least he knows where that is. 

It's still gorgeous. It's been kind of a long day, considering, but also as soon as he stops he's gonna have some sort of breakdown and he's not excited to find out what kind so perpetual motion it is. 

Ranboo approaches the crater slowly. "Hello?"

"Hi. —uh, to be clear, I'm not telling anyone anything about you unless you give the okay, I just— was at Snowchester yesterday."