"...Please tell me you have someone who knows what public relations is."

"We don't concern ourselves with politics. We haven't since the Ruusan Reformations a thousand years ago. We only serve the Republic. And peace, and justice."

"Much support in the Senate, we have. Many systems have we saved, in our time, from some awful fate. Few enemies. Many friends, powerful factions. Senator Amidala's is one."

"...Master Windu, just because you do not concern yourselves with politics does not mean politics will not concern itself with you.  The Master breaking Senator Amidala's faction away from the Jedi would no doubt be bad.  We need to get her emergency contact up to speed now.  Before she can go give a tell-all interview."

Senator Padmé Amidala, extremely classified emergency contacts, submitted under Jedi Emergency Sensitive Intelligence Act by direct order of the Jedi Council:

In case of ordinary illness, accident, unauthorised absence, or other matters arising:

- C3P0

- Sabé

In case of death or extreme illness or injury:

- Anakin Skywalker 

- Sabé

- Dormé

- Ruwee Naberrie

"...Sabé.  She's in the loop and trusted with Padmé's life."

Observe a sequence of events:

- 500 Republica is having Mysterious Transmission Problems. This is supposed to be normal but is not, actually, a thing that happens. People lose money if certain businessbeings can't be contacted at the right time.

- Their HoloNet crawler picks it up, as it does anything that could directly affect Padmé. They try to contact her, but get no answer. She is fucking Anakin tonight so it could be innocuous ha ha ha she's en route. 

- Now signals are jammed completely. She told Padmé not to trust Republica security and just post them outside.

- 500 Republica is on lockdown. Republic intelligence is running around screaming crying and throwing up in disarray. 

- The Chancellor has been assassinated, obviously they have spies among Republica security. 

- A band of Jedi were seen breaking into the Chancellor's apartments before he was mysteriously found killed by the Force.

- Padmé is nowhere to be found, she's left sensitive documents out in the open, and her incredibly secret tracking chip is offline, last known location her apartments, having sent a last distress signal consistent with its sudden destruction by blunt force. 

- Obviously, she's up to some Jedi business again. 

No need to call her, she's outside. 

Oh good, someone else that's competent.

She meets her at the door.

"We presently have reason to believe that either Padmé Amidala is under an active Sith compulsion, or that her relationship with Anakin Skywalker was ongoingly much less consensual than it seemed and also something's utterly karked up in her head because she looked like she was having a blasted stroke most of the time someone was trying to get us to believe the latter.  Also if the first one's true we think Palpatine's the Sith we're looking for.

"Given what you've just told us about that tracking chip I am pretty sure Anakin did not know about, I'm definitely firmly back in the 'it was Palpatine' camp again.

"Padmé left against advice, is presently refusing treatment, and also claiming that she has had enough, exact words, Jedi, trying to 'fix her' end quote.  I don't suppose you'd be able to elucidate on anything matching that last one.  I have eyes on her, she said she was going to 'a normal medcenter' and I don't believe there's been any diversion from that course.

"Darth Mourne, heretical Sith, I've been in a box for the last three-and-a-half thousand years.  Pleasure to meet someone else who actually knows what they're doing.  Hate the circumstances of it."

"The second blackout - or rather the jamming specifically - was me, by the way.  My apologies.  That should be done soon."

They know exactly what they're doing! They're being Jedi! They're really good at it! They keep the peace! They have a 99.7% success rate!

"Acknowledged. First more likely. When we planned the "secretly marry a Jedi" operation we obviously thought of this and vetted Skywalker extensively. Medium-high confidence he's never hurt her, no noted personality changes or other signs of more subtle abuse. Also they're disgustingly in love, one worry we have is that she'd definitely cover for him under almost any circumstances. 

We can't rule out undue Jedi influence fully, we had him run mind tricks on all of us and her in disguise for 'security training', he could get one or two of us but not her, it's possible he cottoned on and could sense which one was her and spoofed the test but we consider it unlikely. Anakin didn't know about the chip and neither did Palpatine, we're pretty sure, it was custom-made by the memoryless droid that implanted it when she was nine. Padmé, Dormé, and I know about it, full stop. 

That last one doesn't match anything. In the "Sith influence" case it could be a red herring or could be trying to sell the "Skywalker brainwashed me" story. In the case where it's real... doesn't sound like her at all, suggests more extensive damage. Other possibilities are certain rare hallucinogens, or that that isn't Padmé at all but a clone decoy, but those are unlikely. 

Pleasure to meet you. Sabé, handmaiden and less incompetent security."

Oh she's good.

"...She's fighting the compulsion, then.  Makes the pattern of when it happens make sense.  Do you have contingencies for 'you were mentally compromised' that the Chancellor wouldn't know to disrupt the execution of?"

"...I do feel like there might be a concern of that particular worry with the marriage plan being valid in some part, as well, based of what she wasn't looking like she was having a seizure when she did, and that the inciting incident for this mess was me poking Knight Skywalker in the feelings and getting a facefull of Darkness for my trouble."

...That car Padmé's in had better be one of ours.  Confirmed compromise.  Reroute to a medcenter/doctor we hold if at all possible.  No press.  Suspect slander of the Order is Master's (V. probably Palpatine's) play.  Spread 'Chancellor killed by Force Lightning specifically' rumors if traffic is just saying 'Force'.

We copy.

So, about Padmé's ride.

One day, in a galaxy far far away, there will be about one major hospital every 150 square kilometers. To put it another way, in a dense urban core, you're probably only a few kilometres from a hospital, which makes intuitive sense. 

Coruscant is nothing but dense urban core. 

...About five thousand layers of dense urban core. 

Also, we're talking about the literal Jedi Temple, Republic Central Medcenter is like right over there.

And this speeder seems to have been going quite anomalously fast. 

She's already there and she's already collapsed dramatically and had a quiet, hurried conversation with medical personnel by the time Darth Mourne has had time to meet Sabé and relay that order. 

What do you think she is, though, a decorative topiary?  She's sure the Sith Master does.  She may be Mourne's second set of hands, but she was trusted to operate independently for 3600 years.  (And she already had an order in for discreet close protection.)

Suffice to say, those medcenter staff are hers, after some convenient and Forceblindly-randomized computer glitches puts them in the right position, and if there is a quiet conversation, no gossip will be allowed to escape from it.

Speeder was unfortunately already in place before we could get there, ma'am, lending more confidence to Seer; it did actually go to Rep Central Med, though, so, not a kidnapping.

Assets in place have been activated and told to ensure patient privacy.

Are these compromised medcenter staff (seriously what the fuck no that isn't anticipated it's been millennia how can you have people everywhere) planning to, for example, falsify patient records or improperly administer the rape kit or 'accidentally' inject her with an air embolism or something. Are they going to try to confiscate her comlink. This sounds fantastically illegal and she's a Senator.

Oh, no, no, no, absolutely not.  Her Mistress would be very sad at her if Senator Amidala was assassinated!  She - or at least her holocron, Mourne herself hasn't had time - likes Senator Amidala!

They are going to give her competent and effective medical care, and not tell anyone about it.

The records filed may go under "Jona Antilles", though.  That's a Senator, they can't go letting this leak through metadata and also has she said her name at any point?

The network being enough on the fritz that she can't really make an outbound call is definitely not their fault.

She said her name very clearly! Many times, while collapsing dramatically in the Emergency Intake Room, along with those of Anakin Skywalker and 'Darth' Mourne!

...What an admirably callous attitude to getting your underlings executed for treason.  We'll make a real Sith of you yet, Ophelia. 

 (Padmé Amidala is a Senator, a dear friend if occasional philosophical opponent of the late Chancellor, and more importantly part of the sovereign body of the Republic. If there's ever even a rumour, in wartime under the Palpatine legal regime, pulling this shit is "clone blaster to the back of the head at midnight, case details sealed for twenty years under Military Secrets Act" territory.)

...The network being down is unexpected and inexplicable and extremely annoying -

She said 'may'.

'May' means 'not if it's that Forcedamned obviously a horrible idea'.

She doesn't even need to tell her underlings for them to know that something's fucky with that and discredit as best the evidence allows them.

Because that's not even the right Darth.  There's two of them and their names are Tyrannus and Sideous, not Mourne.  Senator Amidala is not oriented.

No. No, she isn't. 

"Only destructive ones. The existence of a contingency like that trades off hard against her safety from bad actors and her political bargaining power. We can aver before the Queen of Naboo that we believe her incapable of discharging her duties, but under the Palpatine regime that probably ends her career and embarrasses the Queen herself, if she accepts it without hard evidence. Plausibly it's counterproductive, there are procedures for if we're compromised as well. Like I said, less incompetent, we don't have a security solution that actually just works."

"...Kriffing hells, this is going to be a mess.  I really wish you'd gotten here before she left, this is going to be Worse than if we could have kept her from leaving the Temple while compromised, but that was, substantially, my call, and I do not see how I could have made a different one with the information I had available to me."

"At least the medcenter staff she's being seen by are friendlies."