Normally, meditation's a help; it makes space for unthought things.  But the one of those she's looking at...doesn't seem that eager to come play.

And she's spent much of today just letting her feelings out.

She doesn't really need that sort of space, today.

But does she need space?

She might, actually.  Just a few minutes entirely to herself - well, herself and the Force, in case there's actually something still bottled up in there.  And now that she thinks about it, that's actually likely.  She certainly said some things.

That settles it, then; she's going to take a few minutes to herself.

"I think I might want a few minutes to myself, though not necessarily for classically meditative reasons; I definitely still would appreciate bedtime snuggles, though, if they happen to be on offer."

(Pradnakt, meanwhile, has a brief talk with Daisy, asserting that the droid hasn't done anything wrong by not already clearing the dishes up and that Diana would be hurt if she helped with them now; by the time she gets back from the galley there's no particular sign of it.)

    "Yes ma'am. Lord Pradnakt says she'll do some katas and meditate herself and then come back."

"That's good.  I'll be...somewhere, I think.  Probably.  Probably not in my room but if there's something urgent R4 knows how to find me."

Diana, after several minutes of pacing the table like a restless cat, finds herself in the botanical section, looking at the algae trays and R4's silly little bonsai.

It wasn't quite the gardens, but it would do, for this.  And she could talk to the tree.  That helped.

"So, tiny.  I had a huge breakdown today.  For most of it, even.  And one of the things that spilled out of my mouth were two words, and those two words were - the most scary thing that's ever happened to me.  Not even Dera IV compares.  Because I said 'I love you', in that romantic way, and I think that I meant it.  I think I still mean it, Force preserve me.  Which means - I might have to really leave the Order, if this keeps on happening, especially depending on the way the debates shake out, and - I don't know, I can imagine a thousand things, but what I fear is the worlds in which I take the leap and it ends in the empty void.

"I'm pretty sure she likes me too.  I just...I'm worried, tiny.  I don't want to hurt her, I don't want to hurt her partner - Daisy's a lovely girl, she's been Pradnakt's protocol droid for years, she's so - sweet - and caring, and...she's just incredibly impressive, overall.  And I don't want to hurt me, tiny.  I'm afraid.  And the Jedi way is to release your fears but now that I'm acknowledging I have them, I'm not sure how to let go without tearing part of myself out.  And that would be bad.  ...I still think I should go through with this.  I don't think I can go back to how I was before.  I'm just still terrified.

"And normally when I'm terrified I can push through because it's not just me, but - this time, it is me.  Me and only me, and that's the thing that hurts.  I'm not good at valuing myself appropriately, apparently.  What a surprise, huh?  ...Maybe I should ask Pradnakt how she deals with - fear, without letting it consume her.  Might be informative."

"...Thanks, tiny.  Good talk.  Know where I'm going, now."

Pradnakt's still in the cargo bay doing katas under the new droid's watchful eye when she's done; to a trained eye, at least one used to the level a Force-sensitive usually performs at, her reaction time and precision are still a bit lackluster, though improving.

When she's done, she heads back to her room to meditate.

Diana, who returned to her cabin after the earlier talk with the tree, meets her on the way.

"...so, I kind of have a question.  How do you deal with fear?  Because - I have rather a lot of it, apparently, and I don't think I can handle it quite like Jedi are supposed to do."

"Hm." She leans casually against the doorframe to sign.

    "She says the most important part is to remember that it's not bad, ma'am, that it exists to help you; it means that there's a situation that you believe is a problem, and its job is to keep you away until you're prepared for it, and to unlock the resources your body and mind hold back for handling problems when you face it."

"...Well.  That's good to know.  I love you."

There's a dramatic spike of fear as she says that...but it subsides, eventually.  "My fear's stupid."

She goes to give her a squeeze.

    "She says 'a little bit', ma'am, and that it's not uncommon for people to be wrong about whether there is a problem."

Yes, squeeze the Diana.

"Yeah.  I - I hate it.  It's wrong.  Fears should - be about things that are dangerous.  And yet, it's..."  Oh.

"Intimacy.  Intimate situations are - never not terrifying, because they can always hurt.  Sometimes I manage to not notice, I guess, but it's..."  There, and real, and sucky.

"Yeah."

Forehead-kiss. "Love you."

"Love you too.  You're wonderful."  Slightly-nervous cheek kiss?

"...why me?"

Pradnakt chuckles and pets Diana's hair for a moment before signing.

    "She says she falls in love with people who take care of her, apparently. She's known since I first told her what you'd done for her. It's funny because usually when people try to do that, it just makes her want to kill them, she says."

Diana sporfles hysterically, her slightly startled snort carrying on into a deep laugh that Pradnakt can tell is laughing with, and not at, her.  "The Force works in mysterious ways, doesn't it?  Set you two up with an ally, set me up with a girlfriend!"

Pradnakt lifts Diana's chin with a gentle finger so that she can kiss her deeply.

    "She says she definitely doesn't just think of you as an ally, ma'am."

Diana positively melts.  "mmhmm..~"

Well. Pradnakt knows what to do about that. To Diana's bed with them.

And a very enjoyable evening is had by all involved.

Quite so.

Unfortunately, the next morning is rather less pleasant, because that is the time R4 scheduled their rendezvous with Ocnem's ship.

"...Are you going to be alright, going into that...that?  I'm pretty sure R4 and I can handle this ourselves; I've stolen Sith ships before, though none this particular way."

'I should be fine. It'll suck, don't get me wrong, but I can handle it.'

"...If it's too much, let me know.  We don't have to do this all at once, or all ourselves, either."

'The longer we take the more chance one of his allies shows up. I'll be fine, I'm a Sith.'

"I do have other contacts, y'know.  Just...don't push too hard.  Please.  I don't - want to see you hurting again just because you're trying to front toughness.  The Healers I know would eviscerate me for 'allowing'," she finger-quotes, "you anywhere near this kriffing thing right now - as if I could stop you, really, I doubt it - but I do trust you to know your present limits.  I just...you're important to me, Pradnakt, so - you hurting is bad.  ...And you're probably trying to do the exact same thing for me as I am you, aren't you.  What a pair we are.  Just...be careful.  Please?"

'Of course I am - I'm a Sith but you're not. Anyway neither of us is going to be going in there blind, I asked Daisy to ask your astromech to get me a blueprint and roster as soon as we're close enough for coms, and I'll figure out what each of us can do and what should be left alone altogether. Probably I'm going to want to drop the ship in a star once we're done with it, unless you have a contact who you trust to tear it down for scrap and not sell it along to the first Sith who's curious.'