eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

Happy Diana goes spinny!

This continues to be cute. Pradnakt watches her from the bed and offers a hug when she seems to be winding down.

eee!  Hugs are great!  Pradnakt is great!  ...Is Pradnakt kissable?

Very kissable.

Yay!

Snuuuuuugggle kiss.

'We are going to need to talk about Daisy at some point.'

"...We are?"

Snuggle, "mmhmm."

'She's special to me too; I'm not sure how it's going to work, balancing myself between the two of you, but it seems best to get your input at least.'

"Oooohh, that sort of talk.  ...I mean, I'm still not quite - modeling how this is supposed to be a potential problem but it's probably because I axiomatically reject the idea of - constraining someone in any nonconsensual way, so I'm just, y'know, rooting for you and her?  That bond runs deep, and I'd never dare even contemplate breaking it.  Not after...

"I don't know how much you remember of the time you were absolutely out of it, when you'd first arrived here, but...

"I can't even really put it into words but -

"...can I - no, I'll get my own -

A datapad smacks into Diana's hand, and she resorts to typing up a message when she just cannot say words.

'You ever read one of those books where the guy's trying to get the girl and the girl's dad shows up and says 'if you ever hurt her I have a slugthrower shell with your name on it, boy, and the [miscellaneous farm animals]'ll love getting a little more meat in their diet'?  Because like.  This is entirely the wrong sort of situation and the wrong sort of shape and the wrong sort of speech, but - the feeling behind it's accurate.  She's - so incredibly devoted to you that I think I'd break up with you if this starts to hurt her, or your bond.  She deserves nice things.  ...which is, for her, mostly you-related; I don't think she'd turn down upgrades or decorations or something, but - she derives intense personal satisfaction from you being the most you you can be.  So when you want to do nice things for her...that's the sort of framing you should use, I think.  That's a bit off-topic, anyway, but it is still, y'know, true.  ...She's a very good droid.'  Diana passes the datapad almost furtively, or as if holding onto it is burning her - she wants Pradnakt to read it but she doesn't want to look at it now.

Pradnakt reads, and puts her arm around Diana's shoulder to squeeze her, and kisses her cheek. "Yeah. Exactly."

'I think of her as my daughter more than anything, but there's really nothing else quite like a droid for that. I'm glad you understand.'

"mmhmm...."

'...I'd have more thoughts here, but they appear to run straight into self-worth issues; whoops!'

Firmer squeeze. "Oh?"

''s a reason i - never had -'

'and not just because - Jedi - material things policy - implications'

'If I didn't want you as a girlfriend I wouldn't've done this. I was perfectly fine without one before. It's not just that you saved my life, either.'

'Or did you mean the droid part?'

'droid part'

'about'

'droids like Daisy'

'and -'

'devotion.'

'don't feel like I could earn that.'

Nuzzle.

'It's not something any of us earn, I don't think. Even if it is it seems like you're planning on doing at least as much for the new guy as I've done for Daisy.'

'I mean it's - it - you know, I don't understand how people can make -'

'...I have many, many complaints about the people who design droid psychology.'

'And with that out of the way, I think that - if you're going to - if - *droids* - then you *must* support them to bear the tasks they might undertake for you?'

'It - because they won't, maybe *can't* even on their own, not without so much development - R4 could keep going but he's been in my care for years upon years -'

'...yeah.'

'And that's not even...it just feels like...I've not - I said, already, I've not earned - devotion like Daisy gives you - and I don't know if anyone can - but that's not even the all of it, really, because even if - *someone* could - I'm not sure I could convince myself that I could be that person.'

'You know, there's a reason I think of Daisy as my daughter. And why I said getting a droid is like adoption. Having a child is always a little terrifying, I think, especially when you aren't sure they'll ever really be able to grow up. But I think they probably can, and I think it's better to let them try.'

'I don't think that's really what you meant, though, there are a couple things going on here.'

'I don't understand why you think you wouldn't be worthy. I don't think it's actually a very high bar.'

'yeah it's - there's also the responsibility but - i'm not - i can't put it into words.'

'having someone who's the shape of person that spends who knows how long in a hellhole like the one you did, and only comes out of it...'

'...not because they care about whether they're there or not, but because their life's sole focus is there and has told them to get *them* out.'

'that devotion, it's...'

'I couldn't live up to it, despite my trying.'

'Well, part of the thing is that she doesn't ask me to live up to it. It's not about me or anything I've done, it's about her and the way she is.'

'I don't like that droids are made that way either, but they are. But it's - I don't know how to say it.'

'The sun never says to the earth, 'you owe me'. Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky.'

'It's not *about* us.'

Diana is - finding something about this explanation distressing but failing to put it into words!

...eventually, though, after several minutes of thought, she hits on a relevant way of explaining.

'what happens, if the sun's radiance entire is focused upon one single woman?  i'm not sure i could - stand it.'

Pradnakt holds Diana patiently while she thinks, and hums thoughtfully at her message and runs her fingers through the woman's hair.

'I think that might just be practice. Or life experience, anyway. I think you can learn it. It's important for more than just droids.'

'but *should* i?  become the sort of person who could accept uncondit' -- and the pad goes flying, Diana actively startled enough by her own thoughts to throw them away from her like a vampire unknowingly having picked up a holy symbol - and she catches it before it can get too far, but when it floats back their way, her eyes are closed tight so she doesn't see the screen before she hands it to Lord Pradnakt.  "Can't, think about that, not right now, unless, you're prepared for - huge huge-breakdown probability."

Tight squeeze. "You... should... though. Be."

And...sobbing.  And clinging.  And the deep-seated feeling that she's not enough, she's never been enough even for what she has so she couldn't possibly be deserving of this -- that the universe is wrong as it is and she's not doing enough to fix that problem even though she's doing all she really can do without burning herself out or sacrificing the future to the present and - 

so she cries.