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Aug 13, 2022 3:17 PM
project lawful goes differently
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He does have a very good teacher.

He may not have Bull's Strength anymore, but there are a lot of lovely bruises he can still bite, and that will probably have a similar effect.

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fuckfuckfuckfuck his asshole burns with the pain and the stretch of getting fucked and he is getting bitten and he likes this part, when it still hurts, before it starts to feel good--

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It is incredibly satisfying watching Tanidio react, and knowing he's the cause.

At this rate he's going to have to start thinking about taxes and smallpox to last a non-embarassing amount of time, but he can take a moment to savour this.

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Tanidio might be weak but he is not so weak that he is just going to ask Bun to say nice things about him. 

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Unfortunately for Tanidio, it's now Bun's turn to not be so crash hot with the comprehensible human language.

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"Harder," he says, because he wants to feel ripped apart and torn to shreds, he wants it to hurt so much that he can't think, he wants to make Bun happy--

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Meanwhile--

Is Cayden Cailean sleeping with Tetula?

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It's none of Shelyn's business.

Sex is shared between a bunch of different Good gods and, were there to be some Chaotic Neutral Chelish girl who dreams of being swept away for a night of intense passion and sublime joy by a glamorous and handsome adventurer, the only people who get any say in that are Desna and Cayden Cailean himself. 

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Oh, he's definitely sleeping with Tetula. 

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...okay yes he is sleeping with Tetula. 

Some gods aren't asexual, Shelyn. Some gods were not really ready to be celibate for the rest of time before they ascended by accident. Some gods accidentally wound up being the god of Two Dudes Giving Each Other A Friendly Handjob And Not Being Weird About It Because They're Bros, and it turns out that this is very frustrating if you can't ever give a dude a friendly handjob yourself!

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Cute.

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Look. He did not know that he was going to end up having to give her cleric levels. 

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Take nothing but virginities, leave nothing but raised standards. 

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Nethys thinks that this is a GREAT PLAN because if you fuck the same mortal a lot that is definitely how they end up having BABIES WITH COOL FUCKED-UP ORACLE POWERS which are POSSIBLY BEER-THEMED. 

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...

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It's not too late to try to become the Good god of celibacy instead. 

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His solution to this problem is being a slut.

If you keep fucking new mortals, then you don't have too much sex with any one particular mortal, and then there are no weird oracle babies. 

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:(

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Erastil has marital sex with his wife. He won't fucking shut up about it. Cayden Cailean is perfectly entitled to--

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No one thinks Cayden shouldn't fuck the mortals. 

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Iomedae thinks he shouldn't fuck the mortals. 

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Kofusachi thinks Iomedae is very boring. 

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You guys call IOMEDAE boring and yet, given a PERFECTLY GOOD OPPORTUNITY to create WEIRD BEER-THEMED ORACLES without INCONVENIENCING YOURSELF IN ANY WAY, 

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'Harder' he can definitely do!

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owwwww fuckfuckfuckfuck that hurts and it feels good and the pain only makes the pleasure more intense--

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