Jun 28, 2022 4:39 PM
an ex-illithid in lyingverse
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"Yes! Before I was human I was something else. Then a lot of strange things happened and now I'm here."

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"What... were you?"

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"I can't pronounce the name for us anymore and I don't really know how to translate it into English. We think very differently. I like being human much better because humans feel more feelings and the feelings are nicer."

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"I feel kind of weird about the fact that no normal human has ever wanted to touch my dick."

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"I don't think I can help you with that. I think even if I had always been a human I would probably not be a very normal one."

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"You seemed normal apart from wanting to touch my dick and being really happy up till now!"

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"That's really surprising! In my limited experience of humans not many of them seem to think I am normal! I guess it is more usual since I came here. Maybe the humans here are more similar to me than the ones where I was before."

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"What were the other ones like?"

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"I'm not sure how to describe them! I didn't understand them very well. The humans here are easier to understand. I think the humans here say more about what they're thinking? The other humans didn't usually explain things like why they were in the moods they were in, unless I asked, and sometimes not even then."

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"Huh. Well, I'm glad you like being a human. I like that you're a human."

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"Being a human is pretty great!"

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"Oh good. Where are the the thing you used to be?"

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"In a cave, very far away. I don't know exactly where, or how to get back there from here. I'm not sure I could get back there from here. Which might be good, because I don't want to go back there."

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"Okay. And the things aren't going to like come here or anything looking for you?"

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"I think that's really unlikely! I think I'm much harder to find now than I was when I was closer to them, and they didn't show up looking for me then."

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"Okay, cool. I guess that's sad for them if being their thing isn't as good though."

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"I think they mostly like it better than I did because they mostly have different priorities than me."

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"Oh. Cool." He pets her hair.

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She continues planning Cupcake Science.

 

What new wonders await at work the next day, besides the fact that she's giving all her coworkers cupcakes?

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Well, there are customers. "One of the small containers full of potato salad please. The sale of meat is morally reprehensible and I'm better than pretty much everyone I meet."

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"Wow, that's a thing to say," she remarks as she fetches potato salad. "I don't really understand about the sale of meat being morally reprehensible but in my experience thinking you're better than someone in that casual sort of way often leads to eating their brains so I'm a little bit concerned right now!"

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"Eating someone's brains would be even worse! I had no idea there was enough brain-eating going on to be described as 'often' and am really concerned about that now not only because it could cause an outbreak of prion disease but also because of all the implied murder!"

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"Oh, don't worry, I'm nearly sure my native country isn't on this planet," Bird assures her. "And I don't know what a prion disease is but I don't think we got them."

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"How did you come to be nearly sure your native country isn't on this planet?"

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"Well, first I left home because I didn't want to be there anymore, and then I traveled some distance underground by myself, and then I accidentally became human, and then I found a human settlement where the humans were very different from the ones here, and I already spoke their language a little because there are some humans where I'm from, but the humans in the settlement mostly seemed to not want me around, so I left, and then a very novel thing happened where one moment I was traveling underground again and the next moment I was in a human building in this town, and I discovered that all of a sudden I spoke fluent English, a language which I had not heard of before I arrived. So I think that whatever happened might have transported me a very long way. I'm not confident that I'm in a different universe than I started in, but I'm reasonably confident that I'm on a different planet, because I think if I was on the same planet, this town and the places I'm familiar with from before would have more in common or contain more general awareness that places like each other might exist. I think this town contains very little general awareness that places like my native country and the nearby human settlement might exist, and I think the reverse is also true."

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