“Aw, come on. You’re not even a real member, you can’t run for leader.”

“Oh? You know what, fine. I’ll give you that one. But Schlatt’s a real member, right?”

“Schlatt’s not even here.”

“Sure, today. But it seems kind of corrupt, huh, to run an election without checking in with all your members, am I right? Give me a day. He’ll be here tomorrow.”

Tommy’s frantically trying to get his attention; he can see it in the corner of his eye. He ignores it. “I started this entire project and you’re trying to take it over.”

“Hey, hey, hey, man, relax. Nothing wrong with a little friendly competition. Democracy in action. You’re the one who decided to hold an election. I’m just giving the people what they want.”

“What do they want, then?”

“I dunno, an alternative? One-party systems aren’t super democratic. I promise that, uh, if I’m elected leader, I will work on repairing relationships with Tampa, maybe start selling to Nick again. How’s that.”

“Personally, as one of the people, I speak for all of us when I say that what we want is our homework done so it doesn’t eat us.”

“I am with Tommy on this one. —Sorry Wilbur. But can we focus on work? I have to be writing an essay.”

“Sure. We’ll vote tomorrow, if that’s— if that’s amenable to my opponent.”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Then it’s agreed. Announcement over, everyone back to work.” 

Tug tug tug. Hushed whisper. “Wilbur this was not in the plan.”

“I am aware that it was not in the plan! I made the plan with you!! Fuck, fuck, what do we do—”

“I mean, I guess we gotta win the election, right?”

“Fuuuuuuuuck.”

“I, uh, I wasn’t lying, though, I do need homework help. You understand Shakespeare, right?”

Sigh. “Give it here.”

"You are, like, you are just... the best. This is why I am voting for you. ...Hey, Toby, do you have any homework--"

"Tommy, I think that might be bribery. I think you might be accepting bribes."

"What? Me? Naaaaaaah. Can't be. Wil does all my homework anyway."

"Not all of it. I'm not going to just, like, leave you unprepared."

"Well. Maybe not all of it. But a lot of it. And I think if you are going to win our votes you should do our homework."

"I'm with Toby, that shit's bribery."