"Sucks to be them, I guess." Pause. "I don't actually mean that. I'm a bit tired, is all."

Lex cackles. "I'm corrupting you! I'm corrupting you! I can't believe it!"

Scorpius shoots him a half-amused half-exasperated look. "Not quite yet, I don't think. You'd probably have an easier time corrupting me if you actually used one of the ghastly mind-control things I'm sure the artificing workshop offers you every now and then. For now all you've done is..." Shrug. "Spoil me."

"I'll take it. You don't know shit about my artificing assignments, though... actually hold on what track are you again."

"Alchemy."

He doesn't ask Lex about his. He knows pretty much every junior's track.

"Damn you to hell. What would you ask if I wanted help with a split-specialty artifice project? School has me working on an artifact that'll store blood but I need an alchemist and an artificer helping out, I'll be chanting the whole time and I need somebody to help mix up the glass and somebody to blow it into shape. I think I can convince Sophie to work the bellows, she mostly does fabric but she's versatile, but you can't find an alchemist in this place who'd help me out for love nor money."

Scorpius slowly raises an eyebrow then says, "Say something nice about a single person in our year. Is what I'm asking for it."

"You can't be serious."

"Serious as a knife wound."

"Sophie Hara is the second-nicest person I have ever met, after my bitch of a mother. The fact that she's not already dead is a testament to the fact that even this fucking place cannot destroy every good thing that it touches. I will still have to get her something very nice for helping with this project, but she's willing to do it, which is really fucking saying something. If you tell her I said any of this I swear to God I'll rip your entrails out and feed them to the pigs, and no I don't know where I'll find pigs in this place, it was a statement of general intent."

Scorpius cackles, at that. "Tit for tat, you corrupt me and I corrupt you. I'll help with your assignment."

"Thank you. I feel like I need to wash myself."

"Invite me next time you do, we can watch each other. I mean, watch out for each other."

"I am going to hit you with a rolled-up newspaper."

"Bark bark bark," he says in a deadpan.

Lex enters his creative writing classroom and slams the door behind him.

When Scorpius gets to his language lab, he may notice that he shares it with someone he hasn't had much reason to take notice of before.

Scorpius thinks people existing is exactly enough reason for him to take notice of them, thank you very much. He left alchemy before her—before everyone else, really—so he watches for her arrival and then shows up next to her, all smiles. "Hey Sophie? Can we walk to lunch after this class together?"

Sophie smiles tightly at him. "Certainly. If - no, it can wait until we're actually talking." She trots rapidly over to one of the better booths, though not one of the best.

He gives her a two-finger salute then walks into a soundproofed booth, himself. Despite what he told Lex earlier, he does actually go for the worst, most dangerous one. He's basically a stopper, clogging up the endless hose of mals wherever he goes, it's only kind.

Today he's doing Latin, which means there's a nice worksheet for a billion declination rules while a disembodied voice tells him, also in Latin, all about how he is now destined to have to fight hordes of maleficaria to keep his newfound friends safe, and whether this tale ends in victory or failure will depend on his wit and courage and strength and yadda yadda even the fucking school kisses his ass it's a nightmare.

And, when he's done, Sophie awaits.

She looks grim, but as he approaches her face goes carefully neutral again. "Shall we?"

He ducks his head and leads the way, which is basically almost a guarantee that they won't face any mals.

"So, Lex," is what he starts with when they are sufficiently far from the group of hopefuls that were not quite quick enough to insert themselves into their little duo on the way to the cafeteria.

"I know you're very important and you've saved my life and everyone thinks the sun shines out of your arse but I swear to God if you lay a finger on that boy I'll fill your room with the deadliest bloody spiders I can find," is what Sophie says to that, coming out all in a rush. "He's not a maleficer, I know he'll bite your nose off if you come too close but he's never done a damn thing to me, not even in freshman year when there wasn't a person in the school cared a whit for me, and if you're so desperate to save people then go strap a pipe bomb to yourself and take a running jump into Patience."

She's breathing heavily, after that, and her cheeks are flushed pink. "Sorry," she says, apparently on reflex. "You were saying."

He nearly trips laughing and starts with, "Is that a threat or a promise?" then stops and goes, "No, flirting later. Of course he's not a maleficer, Jack Westing was a maleficer and good riddance."

She stares at him. "What does Jack Westing have to do with - oh. Oh did he - that idiot. Do you need a, a weregild or some - no you said good riddance - I'm beginning to think I've misread this situation."

In through nose, out through mouth. "Let's start from the beginning. 'So, Lex' what."