Scorpius sporfles and coughs, having to grab some orange juice to recover from that. "You know, when I flirted with your brother he said I was not his type, but he would not tell me what his type is."

"Not a clue, he's never had eyes for anyone that I heard about. Spoiled for choice, too, obviously, you've seen him."

"Looks are nice but they are not the reason I was ever interested in him or your sister or you." He shakes his head and leans back against the back of the sofa, again, letting his eyes flit shut for a moment or two. "Last chance for you to run away from the incoming session of oversharing."

"No, I told you about my disturbing infant crush on my older brother because I had no interest in your feelings."

"The only real friend I've ever had in my life got torn to pieces before my eyes because I consciously chose not to save him," he says, eyes still closed. The levity on his face is still there, but now it's—frozen, he's trying not to move and trying to pretend it doesn't still haunt his nightmares and failing.

Edmund shifts over on the couch and hugs him. Words are not going to be the thing here.

He twitches, under the hug—he almost thought they were under attack—and he's still not—sure what—to do?

This is somewhat new. Um.

He'll hug back.

Oh shit no he is not going to cry that is so lame come on pull yourself together Scorpius, sharing your feelings in a manly fashion is fine but hey is this kind of internalized racism, is he playing into racist stereotypes of Black hypermasculinity, he's not sure, maybe it's just regular masculinity and everything every fucking person who has ever met him expects of him and okay he got too distracted from trying not to cry so now he's crying.

"...I haven't had anyone die on me," Edmund says eventually. "Not - not really - because I never got that way with anyone. But. It was because I was scared. You know? I don't - I don't know if it's really that I couldn't find anyone who I could really be friends with, or if I was just afraid that if I did they'd - go - and so I wasn't looking."

"Sometimes I wonder if that's easier. ...most of the time. And it's what I went with, isn't it? It is easier when everyone... doesn't really see me like a person. I don't need to be a person for them." He shrugs a bit and, okay, his tears have stopped, not because he was trying to make them—okay maybe he was—ugh he is going to stop psychoanalyzing himself right now, it's all Edmund's fault. "Except your brother. And your sister. And you. And Lex fucking Higgins wait shit."

"...Lex H- setting that aside. I don't want you to - to feel like you have to open yourself up to me. But. It can't be good for you to have no one who you can open up to."

He laughs, bitterly, and pulls away from the hug. "Please don't tell other people about Lex's name, I don't think he'd appreciate it." He wipes some of the tears from his face with the back of his hand and leans forward to his breakfast tray to pick at the rest of his food that he really should finish eating before their hour is up. "And, well, you know, it's not like I did have anyone to open up to before here. Thibaut was the first, and then he died, so I think you can probably understand why I feel a bit wary about doing it again. I don't think I'm cursing you or anything if I become your friend, but if you're just some cute guy I hook up with a couple of times then if I fail to save you I only grieve you a reasonable amount rather than an unreasonable amount.

"So, you were wondering what was going through my mind that you wanted to read, earlier, this is what."

"...well, apologies for disrupting your tidy system. If it helps any, I had no intention of letting go of you after a few hook-ups. I'm on the Lake Studies track long-term."

Edmund returns to his own breakfast. "Fried bread tastes better after crying," he decides. "Have some, I'll steal that bit of melon."

Scorpius laughs again, more sincerely this time, and accepts the trade. "...what I meant to ask, earlier, was why. Why are you interested in me, like that?"

"When you'd just gotten me back into my room. You said - the part of you that your mother raised wanted to apologize for saving me, and the rest wanted to shake me until all the idiot came out. You didn't say anything about - my reasons. You didn't say, you have so much to live for. You didn't say, that's the selfish way, the coward's way. You respected my decision but wanted me to know it was a stupid one. And - that kind of started me thinking, what is it that's really going on in his head?"

"Yeah? Reached any insights on that one?"

Mentally, Edmund performs a warding-off-evil gesture.

"...it's not that you don't actually want to help people as much as they think you do, because you do. It's not that you aren't perfect, because - in the ways that matter, you are. But you wish you weren't."

"Fucking Pevensies, man," he half-laughs half-hiccups.

"Sorry, mate, doesn't really turn off." Further hugs?

Sure fine hugs. "Fine, guess we're friends now, you happy?"

Edmund thinks about it.

"For now? Yeah."

"Do we at least get to be the kind of friends that kiss sometimes or is that not allowed."

"Wouldn't say no."

Edmund turns his head for a kiss. The nice thing about food in the Scholomance - perhaps the only nice thing - is that there's practically no aftertaste to it, so Scorpius just tastes like... well, Scorpius.

...wait he wasn't actually expecting this, nice!

He leans down to press their lips together—they're already hugging, so he can just lift his hand up Edmund's back and run his fingers through Edmund's hair. It's... nice. He is feeling kind of a whole mess of emotions right now including very desperate for this bizarrely perceptive boy but Edmund had said—lost his virginity—Scorpius does not want to rush things with him. They can take their time.

Edmund makes an absolutely pathetic little noise when Scorpius touches his hair. His eyes flutter closed and -

he breaks off the kiss and opens his eyes again. "Um. We shouldn't be doing this here. It's very nice, but. Terrible idea. And we should be getting to class."

"—yes. Right. Class," Scorpius says, blinking in a daze a bit and seriously considering skipping, but—no, the Scholomance would be put out, and it's been so nice to them so far this morning, no mals at all on their little date.