"I..."
I dream of being trashed, discarded, thrown away, scoffed and scolded and stared at, of being simply attacked because I'm not even the sort of the person that people believe could even exist, that the dignity of personhood was meaningless because 'that's not how things work', that every fantasy I could dream up would be some entertaining side show or scandal to others at best and...
Sigh, drink deeply from the dregs of the tea, root myself, focus foward, let the groan slip out, feel, express.
"I dream of a chance not to be terrified of being worhtless, is the most real answer I can give you." She sighed, drinking down some of the last tea she had at the base of her cup, the dregs still oddly rooting to take in. "I want to do something interesting and novel that can't be dismissed as irrelevant or having me be irrelevant in the process. I want to have the sort of power base that means something and that can protect people I end up caring about and developing interesting things. I want to get at least a chance to experiment and work and become an even better version of myself through this training. But mostly... I just don't want to have to be scared, and everything else just feels like it's either part of that or some out-there speculation about what I could desire, someday."