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ichorous april has a time in mass effect
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Sal hesitates again. "I can't right now. My first duty is to my people, and there's still work to be done."

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"Yeah, I get it. Offer's open."

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"Thank you, Shepard. Keelah se'lai."

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"See you around, snowglobe."

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The quarians troop off, supporting their wounded, to their shuttle.

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And the humans do the same, with less wounded.

"That went awfully well, I think," Miranda says.

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"Could definitely have been worse."

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The shuttle ascends into a familiar ship. As they leave the docking bay, a blue sphere pops up on a nearby console.

"Hello, Commander Shepard," says a smooth female voice. "Welcome to the Normandy SR-2."

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"You must be the AI," she says. "Awkward."

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"I'm not entirely sure what you mean."

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"Awkward features of this situation include: your existence is illegal, I've barely met you but I've already thought about whether it would be a good idea to pitch you out an airlock, I'm pretty sure on some levels it would be a good idea to pitch you out an airlock but I think summarily spacing my crew members on suspicion of being evil robots is a bad road and I shouldn't start down it no matter how tempting the first step, I resent your boss real hard for putting me in a situation where I'm thinking about summarily spacing my crew members on suspicion of being evil robots, and I am in no way tactful enough to pretend I didn't think any of that."

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"I appreciate being given the opportunity to prove myself," EDI says. "Is your distrust predicated on my being an AI, or my being a Cerberus AI?"

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"Both. They said they had you locked down real hard but all that means is that Cerberus gets to decide what you should and shouldn't do, and that's assuming they didn't fuck up, and I know enough about computer systems to have some idea of the level of hubris inherent in assuming you didn't fuck up containing an AI."

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"Ah. I can reassure you on one point, then: my functions are whitelisted, not blacklisted, and I am not permitted to do anything except counter cyberattacks, speak, and passively gather data for your use. Should you prefer that I do something else, you can have one of your engineering staff tinker with my settings, as I am not permitted to self-modify even upon request."

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"Kinda sucks for you, then, huh. And it'll probably suck for you even more if it turns out they also decided to sneak in some kind of override to make you suddenly murder everyone if I decide to cut ties with Cerberus, or some shit like that."

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"I really don't know where you got this impression of us," Miranda says. "We're not an organization of James Bond villains. We maintain control of our operatives by being their best option, not by murdering them if they put a toe out of line."

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"Point of order, we're absolutely an organization of James Bond villains. Just, you know. Not stupid ones."

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"And yet, I can't help remembering that one time I had to fistfight a thresher maw because of Cerberus mad science dumbassery."

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"You had to fistfight a thresher maw because one man was an idiot. Do you want to judge every organization by the people they allowed to slip through the ranks despite the warning signs? Silera Tevos, Daro'Xen vas Moreh, Admiral Sergei Mikhailovich... I assure you, Shepard, you would have few allies left."

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"I mean, yeah, I distrust nearly everyone and am constantly thinking about all the exciting ways I could get fucked over by the stupidity and/or malice of the people who want me to think they're on my side, is this news to you?"

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"...yes, actually, I was under the impression that you had some degree of faith in the Systems Alliance. They certainly were."

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"They have a long history of mostly not fucking me over even when they could, and I appreciate this about them. I also don't, like, tactlessly announce my paranoid feelings about superior officers to their faces. ...most of the time."

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"Usually they're quite good at picking up on that kind of thing. Anyway. We'll try to avoid fucking you over, and in the meantime I'll try to bear in mind that you're a human porcupine."

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"And you can have your engineering staff check me over for hidden traps," EDI says. "I have a moderately weighted preference not to cause you to jettison me."

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"See, the trouble there is that my engineering staff is, as far as I know, also Cerberus," she says. "I mean, I'll do it, and I'm not gonna space you because I don't want 'randomly get spaced because I'm paranoid' to be a thing that my crew members have to worry about. But I'm not actually going to be very reassured when the engineering staff hired by Cerberus says the AI designed by Cerberus is fine."

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